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August 9, 2015:
I sometimes wonder if life could get any better because I’ve been living in a dreamworld being on this planet I call Hawaii. It is seriously a whole New World. I’ll have a dream and I’ll wake up in a dream.
I just got a nude photoshoot done by Ocean. You know what else happened? He helped me break out of my fear. You know how I always dream of tsunamis? Getting tumbled in big waves scares the shit out of me. It kept happening and he kept trying to pull me deeper into the ocean. He could tell I was freaking out and he kept trying to calm me telling me that it was going to get better because the waves aren’t bad. He held my hand and helped me get out of my mind and get out of my irrational fears. I was so appreciative.
Ocean also taught me about my issue of receiving. He said it shows a weakness, as if I feel like I don’t deserve love.
And he tells me, “You know that good feeling you get when you help someone out? You need to let other people experience that.“
That analogy has been helping me tremendously. Vadim also taught me that when someone offers you something, don’t refuse it. Another thing I’ve been learning is self acceptance. I’ve been working through layers that I’ve been realizing I’ve been subconsciously upset about.
Cinderland proved to me that there were people of my kind. I am in love with myself. I am in love with life. And man is it a good feeling. I just want to throw my love at anything and everything! I LOVE LOVING FREELY. Best feeling in the world. I just can’t stop loving. It’s impossible for me. There’s art in everything. I find perfection in absolutely everything I look at. This place has really been teaching me where I need to grow as a person. It has been showing me all my weak spots so that I could heal. I will continue to love.