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August 24, 2015:
I am remembering. I remember everything. I understand. Things just keep coming to me and I’m just like oh yeah!
When I was on Ayahuasca, I kept seeing octopi. And when I was listening to the music of the universe, I saw flower patterns funneling into the abyss, constantly changing and transforming past the concept of time. I also kept seeing dreams and nightmares that I had. These beings were leading me through them. I felt safe. And that’s when I understood fearlessness because fear isn’t real!
Ayahuasca taught me fearlessness. Nothing to fear. My words flow easily, and freely. I feel God working through me. I am not afraid of anything. Every time I sense a fearful thought, I ask myself, What am I afraid of? When I ask, all of the fear washes away. This has happened with puking, spiders, talking to people, being affectionate and speaking my truth. Everything is so easy. I find it impossible to let anything get me down.
These past few weeks have been a dream come true. I wouldn’t have it any other way. The people I met were soul brothers and sisters. Every single one of them. I didn’t ever need to prove that they were all in my past lives, because I just knew. I will never forget Amy’s smile, Katie’s motherly persona and Dean‘s sense of humor. Each one of them had that ‘something.’ All of us did, but in the end, we were all one in the same.
I am beyond grateful that people have been finding inspiration through me. Man, I am so happy. I wanted to change the world and guess what? I did. I changed myself.
Vadim taught me an important lesson.
I had said to him, “You know, I’m not just going to let any guy be with me. He has to deserve me. I’m not going to settle for anyone.“
He says, “You have preferences. Don’t say someone doesn’t deserve you, you just have preferences. For example, I simply prefer not to be with an alcoholic and that’s okay.”
I have also been making excuse after excuse to shave and wax when I found it to be so unnatural. The hair was meant to be wherever it was meant to be! Living here in Hawaii finally made me break out of my shell and not be afraid to be my full, authentic self. I have been wanting to be 100% natural, but I realized how caught up I had been in other people’s perceptions all these years and how strongly I was going against my own intuition.
I have been so grateful to have been surrounded by such empowering women living the example of natural beauty. It helped me realize that I had NOTHING to be afraid of! If people liked me 100% natural, awesome. If they didn’t, awesome! I was okay with it either way. We all had preferences, but my preference was not to rip hairs out of my body anymore that have always belonged there. I found them cute. I don’t feel like damaging my body anymore and getting scars and ingrown hairs from it. Thank you Universe for allowing me to break free. I am so grateful.