Free shipping on all orders! (U.S. only)

(X-rated) August 30, 2015:
I can’t even write because words are so limiting to how I’m feeling right now. I am in love. I know I am meant to stay here. Everything in my heart is telling me not to go. Absolutely everything. My intuition is guiding me to stay here. I don’t need to be anywhere but here. BOTH of the Colorado houses I was planning on staying at fell through. Also, I never put a deposit in for the Argentin trip. There was nowhere I had to be in Chicago, nothing I had to do! The Universe planned this.
Today, I went to a thing called ecstatic dance. It was a place where people came to dance freely and without judgement. We weren’t allowed to talk or have any outside distractions. It was a very inward and meditative experience.
I saw him out of the corner of my eye—Michael. He did a triple take on me. I walked up to him and gave him a heartfelt hug, still fantasizing about kissing him. So, we headed into the dancing area and the dancing began. It was so easy to be free and dance however it felt right. It was all natural. I could care less about what other people thought. I was vibing so well with myself and every other person’s energy. I even tried dancing on a strip pole.
At one point, I took a break from dancing and went to sit down. I was watching the way Michael danced and felt mesmerized by the way his body moved. I wiped my glasses because they were steamed up. When I went to put them back on, I tried to spot him out again but couldn’t find him.
As I started to stand up, I stopped because I saw Michael was sitting on the ledge of the couch I was on. I stared in shock. I kept looking at him and feeling his presence, but his back was facing me. I kept getting an urge to touch him, hug him. I felt myself restricting and so I asked myself, What am I afraid of? And BAM! Without thinking, I got up and caressed him. I hugged his sweaty body with my sweaty body. We kept feeling the hug deepen as we tried pulling closer and closer, grasping each other’s bodies tighter. I could feel us.
“We should see each other tonight,” I said.
He told me “possibly” because he was going to be with his soul family. He asked if I was going to Kehena (a nude beach) and I said “yes.”
“I’ll see you there,” he said.
And then I left. The woman who drove me wasn’t feeling good and said she would rather go to town. I felt her and said that was perfect because I wanted to study instead of swim.
So, I started walking to Sirius after she dropped me off and I heard someone yell, “Goda! Goda!“
Take a wild guess who it was. MICHAEL! I saw it all in slow motion.
“I thought you were going to Kehena!“ he said with an air of confusion/excitement.
“No, it didn’t work out,” I said, “I thought you were going to Kehena!“
“No, we are going to go to Seaview, instead,” he said, “but first we wanted to stop at the farmers market. Do you want to join us?”
Of course I wasn’t going to ignore the synchronicity, so I said yes!
I had to lay my body down on their laps because there was no room in the car. I already knew that Michael and I were in kajillions of past lives before just by the way we looked at each other. He was feeling my hairy legs with so much love and I felt it.
So, we arrived at the market and we were all sitting and talking. Michael kept saying how he loved how open and free I was.
“Open-hearted,” he would say.
Then, he let me have some of his spring roll. Did you know you release oxytocin when you feed someone? We were chilling and began to express our love for one another over and over again. I saw his two guy friends kissing and I thought to myself, Oh, they’re gay. But then I saw them kissing the girl, Casey, but didn’t think too much of it. So then, I asked if they could take me back to Pahoa because I wanted to study at the café. So they said of course. On the way there we all decided it would be awesome to go to the warm ponds! We planned to meet at four corners at 8 PM. They dropped me off at the café and still chilled with me for a couple of hours even though they planned on going to the beach!
We were all sitting at different tables. Michael and I sat at one table and he kept moving closer and closer to me by sliding himself over. I felt his presence grow stronger. We wrapped our arms around each other casually and began to lightly rub each other. I placed his hand in mine. I noticed I always did that when I began to meet a person. I observed the shit out of their hands. Everyone was unique, yet the same. As I was doing this, he grabbed me and pulled me in closer.
He placed his hand on top of my scars, looked me in the eyes and said, “I am so proud of you. I am proud of your journey. You have overcome so much and I can feel that.” The amount of love was surreal and then he continued, “what I am about to tell you, I’m only telling you because I want to feel which way you are going to take it. That man right over there (*points to Andrew*) is God reincarnated.”
My first instinct was to stop myself from laughing. I closed my eyes and felt it through. I avoided listening to my mind and focused on feeling into my heart, instead. It was so easy to breathe when I was with my soul family. These people that I manifested. It felt natural, easy and organic to touch them, feel them, love them. I really enjoyed how all of the family had different perspectives, different beliefs and could share things without feeling judged and vice versa.
For instance, I would state a belief and Casey would say, “Thank you, I appreciate your perspective, here’s how I feel about it.”
I loved how I was not afraid to speak my own truth. I was proud of myself for not taking all the info I received as the truth, and instead only took in what resonated with me. Words flowed easily through me. I was able to phrase my words naturally because I let go. I trusted the process of the Universe. I allowed God to work through me. Organic.
So anyways, we decided to meet at four corners. Andrew, A.K.A. Jesus reincarnated, picked me up on his motorcycle and I was blissed the heck out. I sighed so much nowadays. Ahhhh. So, he drove me to the warm ponds where the rest of the family was and they had already formed a cute cuddle puddle.
We all got naked and began to enter the pond. I swept under the current and came out rejuvenated. Michael came swimming up to me and I hugged him. Skin to skin contact. I began to wrap my legs around him.
He says, “Sorry if I get excited.”
“There’s no reason you need to be sorry,” I flirted, secretly wanting to feel his erection.
We hugged tighter and buried our faces into each other’s necks, closer and closer. I could FEEL how strong both of our energies were.
I whispered to him, “Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels this energy between us.”
Those were the moments when I realized how fearless I really was. That is what I felt at that moment so I said it. Why should I hold it back?
And he says, “Not at all.”
We unbury ourselves and begin to passionately kiss under the strong moonlight. I was not nervous for a second. Everything was so natural. We began to feel each other, physically and energetically. His lips tasted like mint from the mint tobacco he was chewing on. He gave a great explanation. He explained how we experience pleasures, whether it’s food, tobacco, drugs, drinking. The key is moderation and to know you don’t need it.
As I laid down, he began to massage me, telling me how beautiful I was. Every time I heard someone compliment me, I took it as a compliment of my presence, not my body. When I complimented people, I was always talking about their soul. I could feel the love by the way he touched me. It was so clear, so open. He held me in the water and floated me.
He asked me, “Do you believe in marriage?”
I sat up a little and said, “To be honest, I don’t. Only because I don’t think you should label love with the ring. Plus I think marriage has a lot to do with money.”
“Okay,” he said, “what is your take on relationships? Do you believe that only two people can be in a relationship?”
I replied, “No. I believe that we are naturally attracted to more than one person and it is not natural to restrict yourself off to one person when you are naturally attracted to several people. It’s human nature.”
He smiled and said, “You passed the test.”
I absorbed what he said. I have never in my life met someone who shared the same viewpoint as me. We didn’t own each other because love wasn’t meant to be reserved, it was meant to be shared. What I gave to another, I was actually giving to myself. I was beyond grateful that I manifested this soul into my life despite society’s constant bombardment to think a certain way.
I wanted to give him all the freedom he could get and I knew he felt the same for me. I couldn’t wait for him to share this love with other souls he met. I didn’t need him and he didn’t need me, but we both knew that we were always here for each other when we were to meet again. I loved him unconditionally and his presence was always with me. He began to explain how beautiful it was to love freely and I kept taking it in like yes, yes, yes. He also believed we were naturally attracted to the same sex as well because of all the past lives we’ve had and all the gender changes. It made sense. I was feeling what he was saying.
I loved the feeling of not getting enough of each other. He got it, man. He knew he didn’t need me. He knew he didn’t need to physically be with someone to be with them. He understood. He knew.
We swam over to our family. We formed a huge cuddle session in the warmth of the water as if we were in Pele’s womb. We began to touch each other, massage each other. I felt the love off of everyone. Everyone was kissing. Everyone was hugging. Boy to boy. Girl to girl. Boy to girl. I loved how they emitted their sexuality instead of trying to repress it. We released our sexual energy on one another. Everyone eventually left the pond, one at a time, leaving only Casey and I behind.
She began to tell me how she was really attracted to me and asked if I was attracted to women. I said no. I told her how I’ve hooked up with several girls, and even dated a girl, but didn’t really feel anything. But then I thought about it. I couldn’t say I wouldn’t try it again because that was how I felt years ago. So, we hugged each other, my arms wrapped in her delicate body.
I exited the pond and started getting dressed. I could see how Michael looked at me—eyes of love, curiosity. We were talking for a bit and they invited me to trip with them on some cactus leaf, so I did a happy dance! Man, I really enjoyed how thankful everyone was. We said “thank you” over and over for anything and everything!
So, we got back and it took a couple hours for it to kick in. The come up was really nice because I was getting a dope massage. Everyone was kissing one another, loving one another. Then, Andrew asked if he could caress my breasts and I was like hell yeah, you can! Anyone can!
I giggled and said, “You know guys, the only reason I ever wanted breasts was so I could jiggle them and play with them.”
Eventually, we went upstairs to lay in bed. They told me to lay in the middle and in the middle I laid. Everyone began to massage me on different parts of my body. People were kissing me, hugging me, making sure I felt safe and loved. Beyond words. I stayed mindful through every second. Andrew, man. I knew it was Him reincarnated. I could feel it. Even the way he talked. I felt that we were his children. How he nurtured us. I felt it. The crazy part? In the book I was reading, it mentioned how God was reincarnated right now and located in the U.S. I manifested myself to Jesus. I am not that surprised to be honest.
Continuing, everyone began to touch one another, not just me. Kissing one another begins. Eventually, Michael and I began kissing. The most natural thing ever. He began to feel my butt and slowly began to stick his fingers in my yoniverse (my vagina). I was fully lubricated. I began to touch him and kiss him and yes, we were all in the same bed still.
We felt the sexual energy, the passion, and so we worked with it, not against it. One of the guys was deeply and intently watching Michael and I passionately kiss. He was looking with appreciation in his eyes, appreciation for human connection. I was appreciating his appreciation of me.
I got on top of Michael. Pants came off. Oh my God. Him entering me. I felt like Adam and Eve. I really did. And I really truly believe. Oh my God. Dude. WE WERE ADAM AND EVE. Holy fucking shit fucks! We were Adam and Eve! How was this not clear to me?! Jesus. Michael and I being rebellious children. It all made sense. We were reincarnations of Adam and Eve!
Okay, anyways, I made love with him and oo baby, it was incredible.
The breathing.
The closeness.
The panting.
The tasting.
The FULL experience.
I have never in my life fallen in love so deeply and passionately. I felt like all of my chakras were open. I felt us wanting to get closer and closer, as if we wanted to explode with closeness. The way we held each other and felt each other. We felt like children. We were laughing and playing. We were experiencing the body. We were experiencing a fun thing called sex. And get this, we were in my favorite position, right? And I could feel his panting. I could feel him—his energy, his being—and he came inside of me. It was funny because that was my favorite thing to watch on porn. I’ve been watching it for years and I got to experience it! And you know what happened after all that? We laughed, rolled around in each other’s energy, cuddled and sighed. Every time we were about to speak about the life that just happened, we just couldn’t say anything because words were limiting it. So we just were.
Then, he came to look at the waves with me beside the red road. We danced to the music of the Universe (he heard it, too) and he watched me twirl amongst the ironwood pines.
He smiled and said, “You’re so free.”
I loved those moments where I felt him cherishing my presence. He showed me the party planet in the sky that appeared to change into hues of red, yellow, green and blue.
Later, I fell asleep in his arms and slept like a baby. I think this was the first time I ever slept so deeply. The power of manifestation. I manifested so much just by thought and intention. I am so in love. I have never been on such a high consciousness, on such a high vibration of love. I am in love. I am in love. So so so in love.