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August 18, 2016:
I’ve been reading “A Course in Miracles” (ACIM) and I’ve been feeling so confused yet at the same time I’m drawn to it. I had a couple of questions come up. I don’t believe in anything other than love, yet if love is all there is, then anything that is not love is an illusion, BUT, if that were the case, then how would we even have the ability to create something that was not of love? For instance, if everything is only love, then why/how would we be able to experience these so-called negative emotions? How can we create a belief that does not exist? It’s just such a huge contradiction.
The book has been teaching me so much. The main lesson I’ve been learning is that it’s important not to acknowledge fear in yourself or in others, because you are therefore reinforcing that the illusion exists and that it is real to you. That resonated with me a lot because everyone told me I couldn’t feel positive and loving all the time, but I never vibed with that. I could always be loving if I chose truth over illusions.
Living here in Hawaii has definitely shown me my illusions very clearly. The vortex brings it to the light.
I talked to Vadim and he tripped me out with something new. He told me that he doesn’t like the concept of manifesting because it implies that you need to try to ‘get’ what it is you’re looking for, whereas it’s not necessary if you realize that you already have everything you need. “Stop looking and it will find its way to you,” he said.
He gave an example of a child that was hungry.
“He doesn’t expect the food, but it somehow always appears,” he explained.
Another thing Vadim reminded me of was reflections. That what I see in another, lies in me. I’ve been catching myself getting really frustrated when Ivan doesn’t reciprocate the same attention/affection as I give him. My main example right now is that I observe him all of the time because I feel curious of his nature and he gets uncomfortable when I watch him. It makes me wonder why he’s not curious about me, but as soon as I step out of the illusion, I know that what I want is on its way, and I have to remind myself that everything I need is right here.