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September 7, 2016:
I have been learning a lot about ‘special love’ relationships, becoming aware of my own special relationships that I’ve been creating. Just taking Ivan for instance, I would do more for him and I would give more to him. It wasn’t okay on my part to love one person more than another. Another truth that I’ve been learning is that nobody exists. Everyone that I see was simply a reflection of my mind. Bodies are illusions.
I told Ivan about all the new stuff that I was learning from ACIM. I told him about suffering, how none of it exists and that it’s all an illusion. He disagreed, then proceeded to ask if a child molester would be considered innocent.
I said, “Yes, absolutely. They did nothing wrong.”
He exclaimed, “No!” then put his hands up to his head.
I didn’t get defensive or argue. I simply held space. Then, I gave him a blow job.
Later, I went to Michelle’s so I could give Shine his book back and Hope Johnson ended up coming over! Vadim told me about her. So, we sat down with about five other people and had a discussion about the course. She blew my mind with so many things that I had difficulty understanding. We talked a lot about how illusionary bodies were and to pay attention to the things I said. For instance, the term ‘we’ implied that there were others. Then, she crushed everything I ever knew about food. Just obliterated it. She said that everything in this world was a placebo effect, from food to essential oils to medicine.
I expressed my confusion and asked, “How could that be? When you look at fruits and vegetables compared to a steak, you see an energy of radiance instead of low vibrations.”
She reminded me it was all an illusion. She gave the example that some people ate fruits and veggies all their life and died of a stroke when they were 60, whereas other people smoke and drank all their lives and lived to be 120. It was all in our mind. She even brought up people who didn’t drink/smoke. She said that there was this notion that you were unconsciously feeling guilty about eating that certain piece of food or drinking that certain kind of beverage. That thought hurt. I thought about Ivan and realized that I was the one creating the illusion, the entire time. It was me and only me. I felt the guilt creep in and I began to feel guilty for making him change his entire diet. I’m sort of laughing at it now, witnessing how deeply caught up we can become in an illusion. Silliness.
Then we talked about sex.
“How can you make love if there is no one else?” I asked.
“It is though I’m making love to myself and I switch bodies,” Hope replied.
It fascinated me. We talked about a lot of other things that shifted in my perspective, but those were the ‘WOW’ ones.