February 24, 2020:
I’ve been experiencing this deep feeling of dissatisfaction. It seems I’m following thoughts that are justifying why I am unsatisfied. If I’m being honest, it seems I’m experiencing some restlessness. I’m having difficulty settling into Hawaii, anywhere for that matter. When I was in Chicago, I wanted to be in Hawaii. When I was hiking the PCT I wanted to be in a hotel, etc. So I’m in Hawaii and I have had a huge draw to hike the PCT all over again. I’ve had it since I came back from the hike. It’s a sense that I want to do more things before I can settle down. It’s a complete joke, really. I think about the PCT almost every day and how I want to re-experience it and actually take my time backpacking. I feel almost angry with myself for just not being able to chill. Maybe I’ll be like Žydrūnas, traveling endlessly. Deep in my soul, I can recognize that any desire I think I have is actually a desire to be with my spirit… to be home.
I’ve been experiencing this deep feeling of dissatisfaction. It seems I’m following thoughts that are justifying why I am unsatisfied. If I’m being honest, it seems I’m experiencing some restlessness. I’m having difficulty settling into Hawaii, anywhere for that matter. When I was in Chicago, I wanted to be in Hawaii. When I was hiking the PCT I wanted to be in a hotel, etc. So I’m in Hawaii and I have had a huge draw to hike the PCT all over again. I’ve had it since I came back from the hike. It’s a sense that I want to do more things before I can settle down. It’s a complete joke, really. I think about the PCT almost every day and how I want to re-experience it and actually take my time backpacking. I feel almost angry with myself for just not being able to chill. Maybe I’ll be like Žydrūnas, traveling endlessly. Deep in my soul, I can recognize that any desire I think I have is actually a desire to be with my spirit… to be home.