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Tonight, I experienced a deep cry. In the middle of writing, I had a big trigger come up having to do with a boy. I could not find the words to write anymore & the tension just kept building so I let myself feel it out. After all, that is what the trail has taught me.

I asked Bubbalicious if she could come into my bunk because I felt like I needed a hug. She happily hopped right in & I nuzzled into her & let it all out.

I find it hard to open up sometimes. It’s almost as though I’m embarrassed about feeling upset about these particular things.

I told her about the confusion I’ve been experiencing with men. I have a lot more clarity about what it is that I want in a guy yet I still find myself settling for men who don’t resonate with me at the level that I am desiring. I feel so strong in my wisdom sometimes & then a certain guy will come & I will be vulnerable with him only to lead myself astray.

I can feel I’m experiencing a deep energetic purging. I’m just trying to be okay in the ways that I know best.

The most magical moment happened to me, though. The rest of my tramily came in & sat on the bunk beds & I heard this little voice say to me “look at who is in front of you right now. Don’t focus on the past for it is gone. You are only hurting yourself by following thoughts.” I have these friends who love me & want to see me smile & thrive. Bub reminded me not to compare myself so much to other people’s relationships, especially because I don’t always know the full story. Often times people only appear to have their shit together. She reminded me that it is okay to be vulnerable & that part of a relationship is taking risks & that I just haven’t met the right ones that can meet me where I am at. She reminded me to take what I learned & move on with gratitude.

Thank you, Bub for reminding me of patience, Divine Timing, & trust in the the way things are unfolding… & thank you to the trail, for reminding me to take one step at a time as I focus on the path in front of me for if I keep trying to look back while trying to walk forward, I will only trip over myself… the clouds are always passing & the warmth of the sun lies right behind them. 🌥