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Day 15 (Gold Beach to Secret Beach):
I love the vulnerability I experience when a man’s fingers are deep inside of me. I feel as though I am at his mercy. He has full control of me. I lose sense of trying to get my way… trying to tease him. I am no longer torturing his mind, he’s now torturing mine… uncontrollably begging & pleading for him to hand me back my sanity. (inspired by my morning with Quadz 🥰)
Met a guy named Jesse who was parked on a gravel patch pull-out. He looked like he was looking for something on the ground so I asked if he lost something & he goes, “No, I’m just looking at the rocks. There’s so many different types of rocks in Oregon.” A few miles later, he spontaneously pulled into a dirt road in front of me. He quickly got out of his car & yelled, “There’s a trail going to the beach here!!” & he sprinted into the prairie. He looked like he was in his mid 50’s. Adorable. 😂
I thought about you pretty much all day. I feel it’s just the remnants of us playing out & disintegrating. Some days I don’t think about you at all, but the days that I do, I want to be gentle with myself. I have a distinct memory of us sitting in the hotel room, fresh in our afterglow. We were naked & I was looking into your brown eyes. They held a soft-like fierceness. I gently kissed your dark skin & I remember how beautiful you looked to me. Those are the moments I will choose to remember about you. The moments where we weren’t bullshitting. Just our raw, pure expressions… when there was nothing to think about. When the space was filled with silence. I wasn’t trying to be someone, you weren’t trying to be someone.
Quadz & I found an awesome spot so we decided to camp directly on the trail. I suggested we do a time lapse video. The idea was to stand in random spots with my hair in front of my face & tilt my head sideways to look like an exorcist as Quadz set up the tent. The video would end with me doing a back bend & crawling creepily towards the camera. The whole time we were just busting out laughing. 😂