Northern Terminus to North Kaibab Trailhead
I got hit by some gnarly thunderstorms my second day into trail so I took a nero in Jacob Lake. A sweet woman named Shelli let me into her office & turned on a space heater for me so I could warm up & dry off. She asked how I go about hitchhiking & I told her how I trust in God a lot. She immediately got goosebumps & said she felt the Holy Spirit with her. We dove into a deep energetic bond by talking about our Love for God & how He has taken care of us in unimaginable ways. I could tell she was a follower of Spirit’s guidance due to how her energy felt. So pure, happy, & free in her mind & character.
The trail makes me soften again. It opens up my heart… makes me feel like a child again. I find myself crying more & more everyday… a mixture of happiness & frustration. It is so rewarding to feel the emotions rather than choose numbness.
Cowboy camping feels as though I am having a sleepover with God; being cradled by His roots, with the moon as my night lamp… feeling the most protected in the middle of the wilderness where no one can find me.
I’ve been night hiking a lot while listening to my favorite Christian music… turning off my headlamp to look at the moon & stars. I just end up bawling my eyes out everytime. It takes my breath away & automatically re-centers my mind into stillness. The Universe/Nature helps remind me where I have come from & what my mission is. I don’t know why I am so mean to myself sometimes. I get so frustrated & find myself hurting myself in thought. But then I look up at the starry sky & the apparent pain disintegrates.
I remember the day I witnessed my first shooting star. I was around 9 years old & it was the most magical experience to me. I came home that night & wrote several pages in my diary, talking of the way it made me feel & drawing out the way it looked as it crumbled into several pieces of light.
Thought about him a lot. I notice I self-sabotage by thinking about him so much & all that I have to do is not give the thoughts any power. It feels addictive to think about how good it used to be. However, focusing only on the highs taints my vision of the deep pain I felt beneath the surface. Regardless, he came up in my thoughts as a vision. He stepped out of his character in this realm & presented himself as his higher version self. I can remember us before we came onto this earth. We made an agreement that we would act in the roles we are in now to bring up the feelings we have been experiencing for the sole purpose of awakening. We’re only pretending to act & say certain things to help each other see through & beyond it. He appeared & said, “Don’t forget, we’re just playing.” He smiled gently & my heart softened. I felt how much he loved me. An energetic wave reminded me none of it was for real or serious; it was only just pretend.
