MM 54.6: Today, the idea of courage was on my mind. It’s funny the things we humans look up to each other for. For many people, they find the things I seem to do courageous. Yet in my experience, I find people who aren’t afraid to be in a committed relationship courageous.
I don’t seem to have the courage to hold a long-term relationship at this moment in time. I have the will power to walk marathons every day for months but relationships? God no. I associate being single as being truly happy and free.
Deep down I know I can be happy in whatever circumstance, yet I seem to experience this fear… what if I give it my all… What if I devote myself to someone for 20+ years only to have them leave me for someone else. I guess that’s a huge reason behind not wanting children, too. That ,”what if I marry someone and down the line I get divorced. And then I would have to see his face in my children.” I cannot even imagine how painful that would be. But I hear as you get older, that stuff doesn’t seem to matter much.
I feel the mountains are teaching me this in a way; building my emotional strength so to speak. The trail helps me become stronger in my character and trust my Self more. Like so what if I fall and scrape my knee? So what if I’m cold and wet for a moment? It all passes.
I don’t seem to have the courage to hold a long-term relationship at this moment in time. I have the will power to walk marathons every day for months but relationships? God no. I associate being single as being truly happy and free.
Deep down I know I can be happy in whatever circumstance, yet I seem to experience this fear… what if I give it my all… What if I devote myself to someone for 20+ years only to have them leave me for someone else. I guess that’s a huge reason behind not wanting children, too. That ,”what if I marry someone and down the line I get divorced. And then I would have to see his face in my children.” I cannot even imagine how painful that would be. But I hear as you get older, that stuff doesn’t seem to matter much.
I feel the mountains are teaching me this in a way; building my emotional strength so to speak. The trail helps me become stronger in my character and trust my Self more. Like so what if I fall and scrape my knee? So what if I’m cold and wet for a moment? It all passes.
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