I came back to Chicago for a couple of days to be there for Pupa’s passing on. The moment I came into the house and saw her, I sat on the floor and she slowly came up to me and nudged her snout into my thigh for several minutes. I could feel her saying, “Thank you. I love you.”
She was known to be my baby. People often pointed out that we looked like sisters. She slept with me, we adventured together. She got me through my teenage years… she helped me through my heartbreaks, licked the tears off my face.
We could barely keep ourselves together when the doctor arrived. I felt she knew what was about to happen. Normally she shakes uncontrollably when the doctor comes, but this time she was relaxed, as though in a state of acceptance.
I held her in my lap as we said our “goodbyes” and the doctor administered the shot to put her to sleep. I could feel the weight of her body releasing into my lap as her heartbeat slowly came to a stop.
Behind the heavy tears, I felt immense gratitude for her body’s release. It’s as though I felt her presence wake up from the dream of death and transform into a state of Love… as though she exhaled deeply and whispered, “Ahhhh… it was only a dream.” It was so clear to me that she was in her happiest place, wherever that was for her. I got these visions that she was surrounding us and letting us know not to fret and that she crossed over with ease.
I cherished that we got to be with her for her final breath in this way, with the family hugging and kissing her, showing her love. I can’t say it was easy. I keep fluctuating between being happy for her and feeling deep sadness, as though a part of me is dim without her physical presence… but I keep praying, asking God to show me how to see this situation with His Vision. For I know if I am experiencing pain, I am misinterpreting.
I am incredibly grateful I have the trail to lean on. I plan on taking her on the rest of the CDT with me and dispersing her ashes wherever she tells me to. 🐾👣🌲✨
Rest in Eternal Peace, Pupyte. Aš tave myliu. A hui hou. 🙏🏻
She was known to be my baby. People often pointed out that we looked like sisters. She slept with me, we adventured together. She got me through my teenage years… she helped me through my heartbreaks, licked the tears off my face.
We could barely keep ourselves together when the doctor arrived. I felt she knew what was about to happen. Normally she shakes uncontrollably when the doctor comes, but this time she was relaxed, as though in a state of acceptance.
I held her in my lap as we said our “goodbyes” and the doctor administered the shot to put her to sleep. I could feel the weight of her body releasing into my lap as her heartbeat slowly came to a stop.
Behind the heavy tears, I felt immense gratitude for her body’s release. It’s as though I felt her presence wake up from the dream of death and transform into a state of Love… as though she exhaled deeply and whispered, “Ahhhh… it was only a dream.” It was so clear to me that she was in her happiest place, wherever that was for her. I got these visions that she was surrounding us and letting us know not to fret and that she crossed over with ease.
I cherished that we got to be with her for her final breath in this way, with the family hugging and kissing her, showing her love. I can’t say it was easy. I keep fluctuating between being happy for her and feeling deep sadness, as though a part of me is dim without her physical presence… but I keep praying, asking God to show me how to see this situation with His Vision. For I know if I am experiencing pain, I am misinterpreting.
I am incredibly grateful I have the trail to lean on. I plan on taking her on the rest of the CDT with me and dispersing her ashes wherever she tells me to. 🐾👣🌲✨
Rest in Eternal Peace, Pupyte. Aš tave myliu. A hui hou. 🙏🏻
