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Thoughts on seduction and dating: I woke up at sunrise to Kawa driving the truck. He heard me rustling and momentarily took his eyes off the road to send me a smile and say, “Come to me, babe.” I thought to myself, “This man is too good to be true.” And the thing is, he is.
Like me, he knew the secrets of how to charm and put people under a spell. I could only count 3 men, including him, who knew how to seduce at my level. I do play games with men, I own that. At the same time, I love being played, otherwise I wouldn’t find myself in those experiences. I also find it cute when I give my power away to a man because it shows that I fell for my own tricks.
Lana once said, “You can’t be a muse and be happy, too.” I often felt that way about the art of seduction. I am aware of the power I have to make men feel airy, Godly, give them the perception that they are in love. I can make them forget about their worries and make them go against the things they believe. However, the reality is, a relationship headed in that direction isn’t sustainable. And, it’s not real. Seduction is a fleeting blend of magic, fairytale and fantasy.
A distraction, yet I still seem to enjoy the emotional roller coaster ride from time to time. In a way, it brings me back to my Vision, because inevitably I experience pain, and so I run back to God with a strong desire to see deeper than my eyes would show me. Heaven knows, I’ll get sick of the ride one day. I have faith in myself, for I’m only watching the past play out.
A lot of men also think they can handle me but if they really knew me, I doubt they could. I feel when guys meet me, they think I’m some sort of ditsy slut who loves to fuck. I just let them have it, because I know I’m so much more than what the surface perception reveals.
I have been told to be one of the biggest living contradictions, fluctuating in two different realms. I love being fucked by multiple men, however I am wired monogamous. I say I don’t like controlling men, but I love being told what to do and being degraded in bed. I seem obsessed with sex, yet prefer to be celibate most of the time.
Appalachian trail, Damascus Virginia. Nature reflects what I desire in a man. A man that makes me feel the way trees and mountains do. Calm, a confident inner knowing. If there’s jealousy, anxiety or doubt, I know he’s not the right one for me. I’ve never in my life felt that state of trust/calmness in a relationship… not once. But, I am so open to it.
When Kawa brought up the idea of us dating, I actually entertained it, however it was obvious that it would never work out. Sometimes, I feel people come into my life to test the things I value and push me to honor/communicate those apparent needs.
I am extremely picky when it comes to who I let my guard down for. I don’t feel victimized when I meet men that check off the majority on my list but then the dealbreakers cause me to leave. One guy drinks too much, another one talks too much. One’s too feminine, another one is an atheist. Just as I’m sure people do with me, “If only she shaved her legs… If only she would stop moving around so much… If only she would get her head out of the clouds.”
If I’m genuinely interested in someone, I pay attention to every detail. Are they actively doing their self-work? Are they aware of their purpose? Are they observant of their thoughts and feelings? Otherwise, they’re just my fuck toy, which is still a win-win in my book. But if I were to consider dating someone, oh boy… I’m asking for a lot more than just a dick to get me wet.
I’ve also noticed this pattern that when I communicate my desires upfront, the men in my experience start changing their behaviors and lifestyles to fit what I want. I’m a big believer that people can change in an instant, however I can energetically feel when it is authentic vs. when it is being done to win me over.
I’ve been told it’s not possible to find a man who checks off all the things on my list. I don’t argue anymore, for my whole life I’ve been told things were impossible only to find out they weren’t. Anything I can imagine, exists. At the same time, it doesn’t matter to me if it manifests or not, for that is not my purpose here.
Nowadays, I am a lot more quiet when I meet potential partners. I allow them to slowly, fully reveal themselves to me rather than asking questions like some sort of interview session. I am naturally shown who they are and what they’re into. I am very intuitive and can tune into the energy of the words that aren’t being spoken, a superpower and a curse. I’ve learned to trust my intuition and, most importantly, to not sugar coat my boundaries for the sake of having someone.