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First thing in the morning, I hitched a ride and got picked up by a lovely black guy named Joshua. He offered me a plate of bacon the moment I got in the car. He said he picked me up because I looked like an innocent girl who was stranded on the highway.
He dropped me off on an on-ramp in Wendover and I continued my hitch towards Reno. I felt really off after the conversation I had with my father a couple of days ago and sensed there were some feelings I needed to work through.
As I stood on the highway, I took notice to a bundle of sunflowers beside me. They were swaying softly in the breeze, with my favorite things surrounding them: mountains, a prairie and the interstate roads.
Spirit symbolism of sunflowers:
-Nourishing myself
-Seeking out positivity and strength
-Devotion to seeking out the light of truth
-Self-respect, being authentic and embracing my own individuality
-Standing tall and following my dreams
-A reminder to follow my joy/instincts
-Symbolized faith and loyalty to something much bigger than me
-Symbol of God’s Love
People often asked me where I saw myself in ten years and I found that question to be annoying, for I didn’t even know what I wanted to do the following day. Everything was a moment to moment basis for me.
However, as I was looking at those sunflowers, I had the epiphany that this was how I desired to live for years to come—hitchhiking and backpacking. I had another inspired vision arise. I felt it would be neat to house sit during the winter while I watched over peoples pets’ and made macramé pieces beside a warm fireplace. It was usually during that time that I felt called to settle into a cozy home and hibernate until springtime.
As I waited for a ride, I called my friend, Goose. He was the only close friend I had whom I felt understood my lifestyle, for he chose the same thing for himself. He had been on the road for about 10 years now. He reminded me to have a healthy support system, even if that meant taking space away from my family. It felt difficult to receive since I loved my family, but it was clear there was underlying conflict. There was the perception that they didn’t support me, along with the pattern of seeking their approval.
So, I took a step back and contemplated my life. How did I feel on a day to day basis? I noticed how often I said, “This is the BEST day ever!!!” almost every day. People who I met along my journey would say they loved my life and I would reply, “I love my life, too!” I never would have said that a few years ago. It felt liberating to witness the self-work I had done in my mind and to watch it manifest into a happier dream.
Whenever I was walking on the trail or alongside the interstate roads, I often caught myself with a full smile and I could never explain it. I found happiness in the simplest of things. I didn’t know why I was wired that way, to enjoy barely anything. Only carrying the experiences of the trails and the roads in my heart—sometimes in a photograph—that would one day fade into dust, just like the world itself. Maybe one day the trajectory of my life would shift, or maybe it wouldn’t. It wasn’t my responsibility to figure it out.
I felt a surge of deep peace come over me, a confirmation that I was perfectly where I was supposed to be. I put my headphones in and played the song “Orange Blood” by Mt. Joy and started dancing and singing until I got a ride.
A lady in a Porsche picked me up and put me on a different on-ramp since I wasn’t at the best spot for cars to pull over. She kindly offered me a place to stay if I weren’t to get a ride out of town.
I waited about 45 minutes until I got a ride by a mother and son. She was annoyed of her husband and felt that getting married to him wasn’t the smartest decision. She was on a road trip to get her mind off of him, not aware that he was coming from her own mind. She was a spunky Gemini and was absolutely stoked to show me the snake sculpture on the Salt Flats of Utah.
On another ramp, a young mountain biking couple stopped and asked how far I was going and they said they could take me to the next exit. The guy goes, “Do you know what you’re doing is dangerous??” He continues, “I feel like I went to school with you or something.” We didn’t, but that would’ve been a fun synchronicity!!
Then, I got picked up by a truck driver who got upset because I didn’t want to take a shower with him. He was harmless. Most of the ride we barely spoke. I pondered on what Goose reminded me of. That choosing this type of lifestyle didn’t get easier, but that I got stronger. And if I went against my heart, I would be in a much deeper state of pain. I felt that in my soul. I truly lived in the flow by how I felt guided/inspired, no other way. And my apparent life wasn’t always the way people painted it out to be. Yes, I was overall very happy, however if I believed in thoughts that told me I was doing it wrong since those around me were doing it differently, I would definitely experience a sense of pain.
It truly wasn’t easy having my blood family get the perception that they wanted me to turn out different. More stable, less interested in sex. More like the married, white-picket-fence kind… I told my dad even if I had all of that right now, I would be miserable. Sometimes, I wished I could be the way my parents wanted me to be, but I reminded myself that even if I was, they would still find something that wouldn’t be up to par. The ego was never satisfied and I wasn’t meant to be a people pleaser. I also got the message from my Spirit Guides that I would continue to receive the perception of wanting my parents approval until I would recognize it was meaningless. It was all comedic and fun, I just needed to be open to receiving that sort of perception.
I got dropped off at exit 261 on I80. There were pretty much no cars getting back on the highway. A lady stopped to say she would give me a ride, however she couldn’t because she was using a work vehicle.
Shortly after, I got picked up by a man and a woman whom I thought were a married couple. Instead, they were best friends who had met through their kids going to the same school. They gave me a ride 20 miles up the road and asked if I wanted a room for the night. Just a couple hours prior to that, I thought to myself how lovely it would be to have a room for the night! They drove me to Subway to get some food and while I was in line, she asked if I had all my needs met. I nearly cried from gratitude. I loved when people took care of me so much; I offered to send her some macramé pieces as a thank you.
As he was buying me a hotel room, he started playing with the call bell and accidentally broke it. We laughed at his inability to stay still. He carried my bag up to the room and I felt so loved. They said they would give me a ride out in the morning.
Before I went to bed, I spoke to my friend, B. I felt grateful to feel into her energy as my heart was still fluctuating between pain. She reminded me to tune into what felt good in my heart, what felt inspiring. Everything else was white noise.
I felt blessed to have such incredible soul friends. I used to pray for healthy, holy friendships to show up in my field. I learned that it first meant starting with healing the relationship with myself and bringing my painful thoughts over to God so he could wipe away untruth.
And so, those who were all about tuning into love, honoring truth, developing a shared support system naturally came into my life and our connection deepened and flourished. By my brothers and sisters, I was reminded of My Light. They helped me sit with the darkness of my mind in order to burn through perceptions for the purpose of healing the wounds of the whole world. God Bless.