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June 13, 2023:
Last night, before going to bed, Voodoo ate my pussy out for almost an hour and it was the first time I had an orgasm from a man eating me out. I couldn’t believe what I had been missing. I thought about how many guys I had fucked and how I had been in numerous relationships for an extended period of time and had never been able to cum even once. But now, to have an orgasm with Voodoo’s face as my inspiration, felt absolutely out of this world.
We took a zero today and hung out in town. Voodoo helped fix a flat tire for W.I.C., then we shopped at REI and went to the grocery store so he could buy some energy drinks.
While we were in the checkout line, I noticed how Voodoo became drawn to a magazine that had a half naked chick on it. There had been a common theme where he would show me that his attention still resided in other women, such as moments like that or him checking out/talking about other women.
It took a really long time to communicate what appeared to upset me, but I felt so grateful that I did. I realized I had nothing to be afraid of. I was scared he would laugh at me or he would belittle me, but it was the opposite. Even if he did make fun of me or put me down, I would just know he wasn’t the right man for me.
I told him how I wanted to be cherished and to feel like the only woman he had eyes for. He said how it hurt him when I didn’t speak up, that it was the only time he felt scared and unwanted. He said when I shut off the way I did, it made him feel as if I was being bothered by him, whereas for me, it just felt like a defense mechanism where I would disassociate and detach from the person and experience. Conflicting perceptions.
So then, I expressed how I often felt I was much more into him than he was me and that scared me because I felt I was getting in too deep. I felt mad at myself for letting it get so far, more than I intended.
He looked at me in calm amazement and said, “Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing your third eye. It’s crazy.”
I had a deep realization on how much of a gift he really was and how much of a gift it was for me to open up and receive him and submit to him in such a way. He opened up my eyes through his gentleness and inspired me to be a better person. I felt he had been teaching me that there was no need to be afraid and that it was okay to let him see the vulnerable side of myself.
I felt he had taught me so much about communication and I realized when I looked into his eyes that I had never even gotten this deep with people I had dated for a couple of years. I thought about how crazy that was, but realized I simply wasn’t as open as I thought I was back then. I guess that was part of growing and learning through the experience of “life”.