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(X-rated) June 28 2023, Kay Wood Shelter to Dalton, MA:
I woke up in the morning on the top shelf of the shelter. Still in my quiet space, I watched in silence as all the hikers packed up their gear. Tacos woke up and left her bed to go cuddle with her lover on the other side of the shelter. He sat up as she laid her head in his lap while he stroked her hair gently. They lovingly gazed into each others eyes for several minutes. I felt happy for her to be with someone she loved and who appeared to be so gentle with her. Gentleness. Hm. I forgot what that felt like. Loving attention. Hm. Another quality in a person which I appeared to miss.
My eyes began to open. I started to recognize how Voodoo was not the type of man I wanted. Or at least, he had been showing me that he wasn’t even close to providing that type of emotional support I needed. Which was okay, but why was I still hanging around him? Was I really that attached to the orgasms he gave me?
When mostly everyone left, Voodoo had his way with me in the shelter. His cock was rock hard for me first thing in the morning, so he fucked me extra good and deep. There were still people walking below us, a couple of guys even made eye contact with him as my legs were pinned over his shoulders with his cock deep inside my yoni.
I thought about how loved and sexy he made me feel in the moments of getting fucked. Or more-so, I felt very confident being in his presence and being totally naked around him. No matter where it was, whether we were fucking in bathrooms or outside or under hospital lighting, he just made me feel so beautiful. He made it seem like he couldn’t take his eyes off of me, especially when he was in the middle of cumming. However, would he still find me beautiful if he saw me emotionally naked? Would he still love me if I undressed all of my mind?
It seemed he was emotionally available when he was aroused and wanted to have sex. I started to notice a weird pattern in myself where I wanted more and more sex out of him because of that. I wanted to make out more, to feel his fingers up my pussy, to feel his cock throbbing against my clit all of the time. I wanted him penetrating me 24/7 and I was starting to think that it was only because that was the only time I actually felt connected to him. It was the only time I felt noticed and cherished by him… the only time I felt he was actually being present.
But as soon as he would cum, it was as if he would switch to a totally different person. It seemed like as soon as the moment was over and gone, it was like it never even happened in the first place. He would just turn over and move on to the next thing, not wanting to hold me or look into my eyes. And it really seemed to hurt my heart. I didn’t know what to do or think of it.
And as if not knowing any better, I would try again. I would kiss his neck, rub the sweat running down his body with my fingertips, trying to go at it again… not seeing, or maybe, not wanting to see the deeper issue there.
Once we made it to the road, we decided to spend the night at the Zero Day Hostel. Voodoo had a new phone delivered there and the owners of the place required us to spend the night since they held onto his package. So, they picked us up and drove us there and we had the whole place to ourselves for quite some time.
We made ourselves comfy, Voodoo got his package and started setting up his phone. He needed to focus, but I couldn’t help but bother him. I begged him to fuck me, feeling an insatiable desire for his cock. After a few minutes of making it difficult for him to focus, he laid out my switchback on the floor beside the bed so we wouldn’t get blood on their beds.
Then, he fucked me so hard until I came within seconds so I could finally shut the fuck up and stop begging for his cock so much. He was completely out of breath, covered in sweat and tired. He went back to fixing his phone.
“See, baby,” I said, “just fuck me to calm me down.”
Not even two minutes went by before the feeling started again. He perched himself up on the couch and laid down nonchalantly with his legs sprawled open. His bulge invitingly staring at me.
Fuck, why is he so hot? I thought to myself.
I approached him and knelt down with my face right in front of his cock.
“Please can I suck on your balls?” I asked.
I didn’t even care if he would get hard or not, I just desperately wanted his sweaty all over my tongue. He let me have it.
Lately, he had been feeling self conscious that I had been wanting so much sex, because he felt if he was hitting it right, then I wouldn’t keep asking for it. I told him he turned me on to such an insane amount that I seemed to want more and more. Even when I came, I still wanted him again.
But, I could see where I actually felt out of control, like a child getting upset and pulling a temper tantrum over something trivial. I would get extremely triggered if he didn’t fuck me the second I wanted him to. He asked to cuddle, just cuddle, but then I started grinding on him. It was as if my body didn’t know how to chill when I felt a cock nearby.
“Can you relax?” he asked, “why does everything have to be made sexual with you? Why are you always initiating?”
I started feeling as if I was getting an intervention.
“Is it a self worth thing?” he prodded, “do you feel in control being the one making the moves? Do you feel self conscious when I tell you I don’t want it every time?”
I actually thought about it and said that I felt more-so unloved when I was rejected, especially when I was throwing myself on him. I told him how I associated sex with love and the way I expressed my love for someone was through physical touch, so when I was told “no” it might as well have been the same as “I don’t love you.”
I reminded him yet again how it seemed I required a lot of attention. I needed a lot of kisses and touches. He explained that he just got finished fucking me, so he was just confused as to why I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t understand, either, but I was definitely starting to see how maybe I really was a spoiled brat. Because as soon as he said no to me, my mind would switch to, “Well, I’ll just find a group of men who could just fuck me whenever I want them to.”