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July 14-15 2023, ME Route 26 to Pierce Pond Lean-to:
Before we left to get back on trail, I found a luna moth beside the doorway, just barely alive. I showed everyone its beauty before it flew off. I had never seen anything like it before, not even in a picture. I was in awe and was convinced it wasn’t even real at first. It embodied light shades of green and its white fuzzy center made it look as if it was glowing and vibrating with high energy. It had patterns on its wings that mimicked the waning of the moon.
The first night, we stayed at Flagstaff campsite and it was the most perfect place to reside. It was secluded and surrounded by water. Voodoo wanted to go swimming and wanted me to watch him, while I felt called to just look at nature and sit in silence. He ended up finding the water too cold, so he sat on the giant boulder with me as we looked out at the open waters.
I felt so miserable despite such beauty surrounding me. I wished I could learn how to appreciate another human being around me when I seemed to not be receiving the solitude time I appeared to want. It just felt like something was so wrong in that moment because I didn’t have what I thought I wanted. It felt as if the breathing of another was taking away from the sounds of nature around me.
Maybe I didn’t really know or understand yet what it meant to appreciate what was given to me the way I thought I did. I was a firm believer that everything that was given to me in the moment was perfect for me and for maximal healing, yet here I was, bitching about a man who loved to spend time with me and just wanted me to watch him swim.
The following morning, he let me go on my own. I was feeling desperate for space and so I woke up early, packed up and hiked out. We planned to meet up at the shelter so we could decide from there what our plan was.
I loved how quiet it was today. I took in every second of it, not knowing when the next time for solitude space would be. I felt energized and awake during my walk. No one other than me and the pines, with views of lakes scattered around my path. Mini sand beaches revealed a teasing openness, then back in the trees I went, the branches closing in on me.
Upon arriving to the shelter, Voodoo didn’t want to keep hiking. In fact, he knocked out shortly after I got there. So, we decided to just call it and cross the Kennebec River the following day since we weren’t going to make it on time, anyway. The last ferry was at 2pm, otherwise we would have to pay $50 to cross.
I knocked out shortly after, too, and we slept for a few hours, letting our bodies recharge. Then, we attempted to have sex which lasted about 30 seconds until some people walked by. Voodoo made a fire and ate goopy scrambled eggs with ramen while I ate freeze dried alfredo pasta and chicken.