(X-rated) July 26-27 2023, Little Swift River Pond to ME Route 17:
I couldn’t believe the AT actually called itself a trail. It was true how everyone said that the path would be mostly just roots and rocks. It often seemed like a Giant came through, grabbed a piece of the earth and ripped out a strip, then called it a path.
Upon getting to the road, I took my shoes off and let my feet breathe as I started to hitchhike. While waiting there, a woman approached me and offered me a bunch of food and snacks, so I walked over to her van and she told me to grab absolutely anything I wanted. I felt so grateful. I grabbed a bunch of stuff to put into the hiker box for other hikers, then grabbed some clementines for myself to snack on while I continued to wait for a ride.
Not long after, I got picked up by a handsome guy in his thirties who was a rock climber. Shortly into the ride, he expressed how he found me really attractive and brought it up a couple of times again. I noticed how differently guys acted when I didn’t have Voodoo’s arm wrapped around my waist.
I had been very open with letting people know that I was currently going through a pretty intense heartbreak. Funny, it often seemed expressing vulnerably just made men more adamant about making a move on me. Before dropping me off at the cabin, he picked a flower for me and gave it to me as a romantic gesture then made some comments about my appearance again.
I smiled and told him, “Thank you”.
While at the cabin, I saw Tacos’s man, Mountain Turtle. I couldn’t even recognize him at first because he lost so much weight. Once I did, I told him how much I appreciated and how inspired I felt seeing how gentle he was with Tacos at the shelter.
“Just witnessing that showed me what I could have for myself,” I said.
Eventually, a really hot guy showed up at the cabin. He was very young, 23. He had super long dark brown hair with deep brown facial hair that matched it. His body was perfectly lean and proportionate in all the right ways. Lucky for me, he happened to choose the bunk right beside mine, so figured I would flirt with him by the bedside.
He appeared very shy and seemed to have a hard time talking to me, so I made it clear I was very interested in him through eye contact, smiles and attentiveness. Then, I invited him to watch a movie with me—figured it would be less pressure.
We put on the movie Beetlejuice, then he sat on a separate couch. I looked over at him and smiled, then patted my hand on the cushion, signaling for him to come sit beside me. He smiled and came over.
He scooted in closer and our arms gently pressed against each other. Then, we moved in a little bit closer and I threw my leg over his thigh. The whole time I was staring at his bulge from the corner of my eye, wondering what kind of cock he had.
“Want to get under the blanket with me?” I asked.
“You tryna get cozy?” he asked.
I blushed and said, “Mmhmm,” as I threw the blanket over us.
I kept making gentle moans as if pondering what we could possibly do next. I could feel how he wanted to make a move, but didn’t know how. So, I looked into his eyes, then at his lips, then slowly back up to his eyes again. We both smirked and slowly went in for a kiss.
I miss the way Voodoo tastes, I thought to myself.
I wasn’t present at all. Thoughts kept tempting me into the past. I mounted him and continued to stick my tongue down his throat, to which he momentarily pulled his lips away from mine and told me he was a virgin.
“Everything is new and I don’t know how to do anything,” he said, “so if I’m awkward, that’s why.”
The first reaction in my mind was, Finally, I get to take a guys virginity.
I told him I was surprised and he said he got that a lot, but he was finally feeling open and ready to do it. So, I figured I would show him the ropes. I also figured I wouldn’t ask him to do anything I normally liked in bed, as not to traumatize him.
I guided him with my kisses and basically let him learn how to take the lead. Anywhere he placed his hands or his mouth, I would let out gentle moans and push my body into him, letting him know to keep going and that I liked what he was doing.
I began feeling up his bulge, which at this point was throbbing out of his shorts, nearly sticking out from the opening. I went to grab at it as I felt completely teased from grinding my pussy lips on his bulge. Big and thick one, yet again.
“You’re gonna make some girls very happy,” I said with a smile.
He had a bit of a stutter whenever he would respond to me and had a difficult time holding eye contact, but it just further turned me on. I liked making a man feel out of control—on my terms. I went down to taste him and he was so good, his cock felt perfectly rubbery and new. I couldn’t even take him down my throat all the way he was so big! Both of us were moaning as my tongue followed the length of his shaft, up and down as he listened to me gag. I wanted him right then and there.
I perched back up with his raw cock firm in my hand and asked, “Are you really okay with following through?”
“Yes,” he said, “thanks for making me feel comfortable with the situation.”
I smiled with my succubus eyes, then slipped him in as we both moaned.
“Holy shit,” he said.
Of course a bunch of natural noises were happening between us, such as accidental grunts and queefs to which he would give this look, as if asking, Is that supposed to happen?
I let him know it was all normal and happened often, including the times when his cock would slip out if we were moving too fast.
I rode him, absolutely not caring that we were in a public place where there were open windows and unlocked doors surrounding us, but I could tell he grew uncomfortable being on the couch in public and didn’t feel open going into the room while Mountain Turtle was sleeping. So, he shyly suggested if we could move outside.
“Yes!” I said.
I took his hand and led him to a spot where there was a large mesh tent for hikers to hang out in. I laid him down on the grass and continued to play with him. I took him in my mouth, grabbed at his body and watched the way he moaned for me. Then, he fucked me for a good hour. He was one of those that could last for a long time while still staying rock hard.
I showed him a few main positions—riding, missionary and doggy. Often times, he ran out of breath from all the thrusting. I thought it was so cute especially after experiencing Voodoo who was like a ‘fucking’ machine.
He goes, “Wow, this is hard work.”
“Yeah,” I said, “sex is definitely a workout.”
I could tell he was close when he grew more aggressive with me. He put me in the doggy style position again, pulled my hips towards his and shoved my torso down into the grass while I spread my knees open as wide as possible. He pounded me hard, picking up the pace, until eventually, he came all over my ass and spine. His cum sprayed EVERYWHERE on me! He was letting out deep, orgasmic grunts as more and more shot out. I felt my mouth drooling, wondering what his fresh virgin cum would taste like.
He was so out of breath, then thanked me for taking his virginity.
I said, “No problem,” then asked, “out of curiosity, why have you never slept with any other girls before?”
“Because for one, I never really put myself out there,” he said, “and for two, I have a lot of social anxiety.”
I was super impressed because he did awesome for his first time. Definitely much better than my first time. When I lost my virginity, I was intoxicated and bleeding from a gash in my head along with from my vagina after he popped my cherry. Long story, haha.
He proceeded to ask, “So, how does the cleanup work?”
“Most girls don’t like the cum,” I said, “but I LOVE it, so I usually just let it soak into my body and throw a shirt over it so I can smell it on myself later.”
He laughed and said, “That’s gross, but you do what you need to do.”
I laughed as I went in to clean up his cock with my tongue, licking up the remnants of of it from off his hands and in between his fingers. We went to bed without cuddling. I felt very distant. I noticed it was hard for me to be compassionate, even though I really wanted to, especially since most would view that as a very sacred experience for him. But, if I was being honest, I just wanted to use him to not think about Voodoo for a moment and fulfill a fantasy of mine. I saw how many times I had done this in the past, thinking that sex would promise the pain away, but as soon as it was over, I was left alone with the feelings of emptiness yet again.
The following morning I had breakfast and talked to a guy named Tom. His son had died in a car accident four years ago and he was carrying his ashes on the whole Appalachian trail. He was bringing him all the way to Katahdin because it was his son’s lifelong dream to hike the AT. I nearly had tears rolling down my eyes. I found it so beautiful. What an incredible thing to do in honor of his son.
I decided to stay one more night at the cabin since it was a rainy day and a few more hikers ended up showing up! One of them happened to follow along on my blog, her name being Sidequest.
“Wow! I’m so happy to actually meet you,” she said, “you know, there’s all these YouTubers and famous people out here, and I’m really not into that kind of stuff. But I absolutely love your stuff and out of all the people I could’ve met on trail, I am most stoked for it to have been you.”
I felt grateful for witnessing so many kind encounters on trail this year. I often felt nervous meeting people in person as I knew I wrote about controversial things, but from what I had seen, people had been very supportive.
Sidetracked and her tramily stayed up late and watched movies, smoked some bowls and repaired their gear. I went to go make some phone calls throughout the day as I felt some guilt coming up and fearful thoughts about Voodoo. I seemed to be going through what felt like energetic withdrawals and had a difficult time detaching from him, even though I knew it was for the better. Some moments, it felt easy, other times it felt there was no way to break away from this thought loop. But, the only options I had left were admitting what I felt to him or killing our connection by withholding my heart. And withholding my heart was the beginning of the end of our intimacy.
While I began to heal through this perception, I noticed what a great support system I had. I felt grateful that I had very holy friends to lean upon, and even my friends that appeared to be die hard atheists somehow still inspired me to come back to God.
I spoke to TheSunGod and leaned on him for a better understanding and clarity since I felt I was in a delusional state of mind. I cried a lot to him and opened up about how unhealthy these patterns in my mind appeared to be, such as having sex to fill a void where there wasn’t even a void to begin with in the first place. I simply believed there was. I confessed to him how crazy I felt for the type of relationship vision I desired. That was a common theme for me this summer—wondering who would ever want me if I was asking for the things I appeared to actually want. It was as if I was constantly doubting and getting in my own way because deep down I didn’t feel I really truly deserved the kind of love I wanted.
TheSunGod reminded me to dream and to not close off the desires of my heart, because I was wholly worthy of what I wanted.
“Anything you desire exists. Dream. We are dreamers,” he said, “and these experiences you went through with Voodoo are a gift. He taught you more about what truly resonates in your heart and what doesn’t. That is a gift.”
I also spoke to my soul sister, Laima. She was very deep in her Christian faith and gave me words of comfort when I told her I was losing faith in men, which scared me because I was a lover of men and viewed them as protectors.
“I am losing faith in myself,” I said.
She reminded, “When you are losing faith in yourself, you are losing faith in the path God made for you, which in turn you are losing faith in the power of God,” she said, “which is the same as you saying you don’t believe He has the power to provide these things for you.”
That was a moment of truth for me in which I felt my faith was restored to me almost instantaneously. It was as if I broke through the wall in my mind and saw through the perception. I quickly saw how silly it was to doubt/deny Love and the path I had chosen to walk.