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August 14, 2023:
Krystal had planned to take me to Corvallis today so I could meet up with my friend Violet whom I knew through our love for Wisdom Dialogues with Hope Johnson. She had also been following along on my traveling journey, so she felt very inspired to help out. I loved her energy right off the bat, so it felt inspiring for me, too!
As I was getting ready, I heard Krystal excitedly yell, “Freyja, look!” She was outside on her backyard patio, pointing to a bright pink flower. “My hibiscus flower just bloomed,” she beamed as she gestured for me to come over. “I really wanted it to bloom when you got here because you live in Hawaii and I wanted you to see my Hawaii flower,” she said, “I kept waiting and waiting, but I had a really strong feeling that it would bloom last night and it did!”
She had the excitement of a 12 year old girl and I thought it was absolutely adorable.
Before we left, she made me some out of this world bacon. Then, we got on the topic of relationships so I confided in her for advice about the healing process of perceiving having been through a toxic relationship.
In her experience, it took her years to heal over her past relationship and there were still deep layers of work to be done. It helped me witness that sometimes the healing process was very tricky and wasn’t always something that was worked through overnight.
I felt so grateful that I had been getting the opportunity to spend so much time with women and be in their energy. It was something I wasn’t used to. I had also been grateful that so many women experienced the same thing as me and were here to remind me that I was not alone, nor was I ‘weak’ or ‘less than’ for finding myself apparently stuck in a relationship that wasn’t serving me in the way my heart desired. I loved seeing Krystal so in alignment with her truth, now having discernment for those types of situations. She had the courage to speak up for what her heart desired, otherwise she would walk away from the man if he wasn’t meeting her where she felt she needed to be met.
I really did feel humbled after going through the experience I did with Voodoo because I remembered not understanding how girls would consciously put themselves through anything like that. I didn’t understand how they couldn’t just leave the situation and get over it.
I was also weirded out when I got out of that situation and witnessed how those experiences weren’t something that was talked about often. There seemed to be a stigma around women needing to stay silent and withdraw, to not bring that kind of stuff to light, which often times did happen, even to me. I didn’t talk to my community on trail, nor was I going to share anything with the public, in fear of shame or backlash about the person I was writing about. But, the inspiration eventually guided me to share and I was so grateful I did, because through that, I was able to see how common of experience it really was and I was able to get support through it.
Although I was consciously aware of the toxicity/trauma I seemed to experience with Voodoo, there were still really wholesome memories where I felt genuinely happy. I remembered how free I felt when I got to express my sexuality and it was greeted with the same openness and excitement. I remembered how much we laughed over the silliest of things, how much we danced and played on trail. Those were the memories I was letting go of, the ‘good times.’ It was easy to say ‘just get over it’ and ‘he wasn’t worth it,’ but it was another thing to hold his image in light and to forgive myself. It was a whole different energy to release the judgments I had made about him and to hold his image as pure/innocent while I allowed myself to let go of the grips of what once was.
After all that, Krystal took me to Dutch Bros to get some coffee then drove me to Corvallis where Violet picked me up! It was so neat to meet so many of my readers in person this year, for it reminded me that I was loved, supported and appreciated.
Her and I went to the bay and she took me out on a sushi date! As we were walking there, I ran into one of my friends whom I accidentally ran into on the coast last year. He was in his truck and was letting us cross the sidewalk.
“The sushi there is delicious,” he said.
I laughed and appreciated the synchronicities I experienced, whispering a ‘thank you’ to the Universe.
Violet and I got a table right beside the water. She was the first person I met who also ate sushi with their hands! We had a lot of similarities in general. Being in her space, I recognized how I felt inspired to tighten up my friends circle. I loved being able to talk to her in an ACIM mindset, which to me felt like true relating. I loved that she was able to meet me there.
After that, we started walking back to the car and she ran into one of her friends who were with a few current PCT hikers! I always wore a trail hat when I went out just because I felt it was the perfect conversation starter for those who were on trail or knew of it. So, we chatted about thru-hiking for a bit, then Violet and I went on a walk along the beach and dipped our feet in the sand.
Before we parted ways, she got me some lemon flavored cookies for the night then drove me over the big Newport bridge that I seemed to hold very dear and visit often. She asked if I had all of my needs met, to which I said yes. Hearing that question always seemed to make me feel so loved and taken care of. I thanked her for spending time with me and for feeding me. She dropped me off near the water and I hugged her goodbye, letting her know that we would meet again, for I was sure we would.
I found a stealth spot between some trees upon a moss covered hill. It felt so liberating to experience the coast again. It felt like home to be able to fall asleep to the distant melody of the ocean waves crashing into the shore paired with the soft breeze whistling its way between the brushes and through the mesh walls of my tent.