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(X-rated) August 19, 2023:
First thing in the morning, I walked around the vendor area and grabbed free stickers and candy off of peoples’ tables. Then, I went to sit down on an inflatable couch mattress in the middle of the venue because I didn’t feel like going out and talking to people. I felt really observant. I felt I was coming down from the high of the wild ride I had this summer.
I licked my lollipop and watched as all of the people walked by. I laughed at the way everyone freaked out over discounted gear and random shit in the hiker boxes. I felt in appreciation of all the different ways people expressed such contrasting hiker modes, yet sharing similarity in nerdy appearance, tattered clothing and being covered in dark dirt from head to toe.
My one friend said, “It’s like homelessness but with style.”
A handful of people came to sit and chat with me on the air mattress. One guy made his own topography maps that looked super high-end and professional! Another guy picked a conversation with me and we got on the topic of traveling. We spoke of how magical of an experience it was to roam around the world and the ways it expanded one’s mind.
“I feel everyone should live out of their country for at least one year,” he said, “to understand the world a little bit more. It will also help you see what it’s like to live as a foreigner.”
Hm, I never looked at it like that. Then, a hiker came up to me and asked if I worked there because I was great advertisement.
“You’re such a vibe,” he said, “chilling hard, wearing knee high socks as you’re licking a lollipop.”
I laughed and said, “No, I’m just a hiker. I was too lazy to walk around.”
“That checks out,” he said, “my emotions were so high I had to come over and talk to you.
You’re like straight hiker trash, but very attractive hiker trash.”
Sometimes, I wished people just said what they were really thinking rather than beating around the bush. I could tell his eyes were undressing me in his mind and I wished he would’ve just confidently asked me to follow him to his tent and I would’ve obeyed like the good little girl that I was.
Then, I went to support Darwin’s new clothing line and bought a shirt.
I flirted with him gently, then randomly said, “You know, I was hooking up with a guy last year on the JMT who looked exactly like you,” then I made sexually insinuating eye contact and seductively said, “I guess I have a type.”
I really enjoyed hearing the shit that came out of my mouth. I found humor in making blunt comments, putting people on the spot and throwing them off guard. It was free entertainment for me.
I went back to Thunder Island to drop off my things and the wind was so strong that people were watching over their tents so they wouldn’t blow away. Apparently, some hiker’s tent ripped out of the ground and flew into the water! There was a boat that tried to retrieve it but had zero luck.
Then, I walked over to town and the owners of one of the establishments was having a beer with his buddies outside. He offered me a drink.
“I don’t drink,” I said with a smile.
“I knew it,” he said, “do you partake in anything?”
“Nope, not at the moment,” I said.
“I knew it. You have that sort of vibe about you that shows you don’t need that stuff to have a good time,” he said.
He began commenting on my outfit and how I looked like a bombshell, then proceeded to eye-fuck me. Once again, I wished him and his buddies would’ve just cut to the chase faster. I felt flirty and was feeling more of a blunt/touchy interaction. I was able to handle a lot of intensity when it came to flirting, especially when I was in heat, so after a couple of minutes, I got bored and walked to the patio.
There, I had a conversation with a tall French guy who was extremely flirtatious and energetically open. He invited me for a drink upstairs, so I smiled and said yes! He got me a pop and I laughed at the perception of being such a cheap date. I usually only got water and went on long walks in the forest when I was on a date with someone. I preferred that sort of simplicity.
So, we sat on the bar stools in the restaurant, our bodies facing each other. He was only 25 and had a very strong French accent. He had trouble saying the word ‘vanilla’. He told me of a story when he was experiencing difficulty trying to order dessert at a restaurant.
“I just wanted my vanilla flavored ice cream and I was getting so frustrated because the waiter couldn’t understand me,” he said.
I liked watching him when he talked. His movements, pronunciation of words and eye contact were all very seductive and romantic. It was as if he wasn’t even trying, it was just in his nature. The way he moved his lips when he attempted to pronounce American words had me biting my lip numerous times. I placed my hand on his upper thigh and he mirrored my movement. I loved his confidence, strong eye contact and full smile. He made it clear that it was time for me to get fucked like I deserved.
So, we went searching for a place and it was much harder than we thought. He bought us time for a shower and as we were about to get it on, the lady knocked on the door and we got in trouble for having attempted sex. She yelled and pointed to the sign that read: ONE PERSON PER SHOWER. I started laughing because I thought it was funny. She mumbled something under her breath as if it happened way too much and she didn’t get paid enough to deal with it.
After much walking around and a lot of pent up energy, we finally found a spot beside the railroad tracks that we thought was stealthy. It was not. A couple of people walked by at different times just as I was about to start giving him a blowjob. I didn’t mind. I got off on the attention, so I just continued to unbuckle him in broad daylight.
As soon as he whipped out his cock, I started laughing. The guy was hung like a horse.
I blushed and said, “Look dude, there’s no way I could take this.”
He was so massive I didn’t even think he would be enjoyable. He told me to turn around and he would fuck me doggy and I told him fuck that. I decided to ride him, that way I could at least control the length I desired.
He almost came multiple times so we had to take breaks with him fingering me numerous times in between. He slapped me in the face, then choked me out hard. I absolutely loved when a guy could sense that was what I wanted and wasn’t afraid to take control over me.
After we played, we parted smoothly and went on our merry way. I loved when I was making it energetically known that it was a one time thing and there wasn’t any pushy energy to see them again. I often times just wanted to be fucked and then left alone.
Although it was a fun experience for me, I noticed how there was an underlying sense of loneliness. Yeah, it was easy for me to be alone and I loved it, but I saw how much I resisted the idea of letting people anywhere close to my mind/heart. Especially if I was strictly having sex with someone and they gave me the vibe they wanted to get to know me more, I found I would start to feel grossed out. I would completely pull away and distance myself from them. I knew it was just fear and a subconscious way of closing off my heart, but sometimes I wished I could just tear down those walls I built.
I went to watch the Granite Gear raffle along with the pie eating contest. The guy from yesterday found me in the crowd and hugged me from behind, then left his arm around my waist as if I was his girl. I noticed a deep sense of annoyance as my body froze up and I caught myself rolling my eyes. What was it within me that seemed immediately uninterested after fucking a dude?
I thought about 2021 PCT Trail Days—the last time I drank. I thought about how easy everything seemed when I had alcohol in my system. Well, ‘easy’ may not be the correct word, it just seemed it helped mask the perception of guilt a lot better in comparison to being sober.
I thought about how I just wanted to be happy and not be such an asshole when it came to men. I viewed them as walking cocks, here to provide me pleasure and give me the gift of their cum. Once I received their juice, their bodies became discardable to me.
At the end of the night, I talked to Shep and felt a lot better. I really enjoyed and appreciated his energy. His presence and unwavering faith in God seemed to bring me calmness among the despair I felt. Through him, I felt I could rest easy for the night.