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December 5 2023:
Today was a zero day. Orange and I hitched into Blenheim. We were looking forward to meeting up with a woman named Topaz who was a friend of Shuru’s. She graciously allowed us to do laundry and take a shower at her place. She was on her way to get groceries so we asked if we could join her since Havelock didn’t have many options, nor cheap ones.
During our hitch, an older gentleman driving a stick shift stopped directly in the middle of the road, letting us know he could take us straight to the town center. We drove through the meandering road, receiving a scenic view of the mountains, vineyards and farm fields.
“Yeah, the only thing around here is grapes n’ logs,” he said.
He dropped us off at the breakfast restaurant we wanted to eat at, then Orange went to get some grilled sausages for seconds that a fundraising group was frying up in the town square. We told Topaz we would be waiting there.
Next thing I hear is a woman sweetly call, “Freyja?”
I turned around and it was Topaz stopped in the middle of the intersection. I smiled as she told us to hop in, immediately fond of her energy. I felt natural and energized in her presence. We introduced ourselves as she drove us to the grocery store. Upon arriving and going into the building, it felt extremely overwhelming. It reminded me of Costco.
I took a breath and said, “Woah, this place is huge.”
I noticed myself getting anxious by the setting. I wanted to get my groceries as quick as possible and head out. At one point I was in the candy isle and found some gummies, so I threw them into the cart. I started pulling the cart away from the guy standing beside it.
“Excuse me, ma’am,” he said as he held the cart tightly. “Please don’t do that.”
I had accidentally thrown my stuff in his cart and attempted to take it! I laughed it off, however it definitely showed how much out of focus I felt surrounded by crowds.
I finished checking out, then waited for Orange to finish. I was dancing in place, anxiously unable to stand still. I caught him smiling at me. I often did. He would be looking at me in such appreciation and gratitude for my presence.
Why do men lie to me? I thought to myself, don’t they know I can sense them even at the most subtle levels?
I could feel right through the words he had spoken to me on the surface. I knew he said one thing but the energy was communicating something else and it was what I always listened to. He looked at me as if he was falling for me. I knew the look very well. I was aware of it because I was the giver of the same look to many men.
I helped pack up his groceries, then we got back in her car.
Topaz started driving and said, “I want to offer a bed for you guys to sleep in tonight.”
We were both stoked and so grateful for the offer. She said her husband was a bit more apprehensive, claiming he didn’t know us and feeling a bit shocked that she was inviting strangers to stay overnight. It was clear Topaz was a more feeling based person and trusted in her power to discern energies in the moment whereas her husband was more logical and wanted to meet people at surface level.
When we arrived to her home I immediately loved the energy. They lived on a farm with a couple of acres for their cows. I fell in love with her cat which happened to also be a birman just like mine.
I immediately spotted a pinecone on her windowsill and thanked Spirit for the sign. Underneath that was a vision board she had made out of cut up newspaper images and quotes.
She showed us our bed, shower and where to do our laundry. Once our clothes were washed, I put them in a wooden basket that I placed on my hip and carried outside. Then, I stood on the provided tree stump as I hung everything up on the line using colorful clothespins which were found in a hanging basket. To me, that felt special and something I envisioned for myself in the future. That simplicity—I loved it.
Afterwards, I went to take a nap and Orange Man joined me. It was that deep kine sleep where I had drool dripping from the corner of my mouth. After I woke up, Topaz invited me to go hang outside with her. I grabbed the socks off the line and put them on so I could feel a bit cozier. I perched on the bench beside her, drew my knees into my chest and felt the warmth of the sun.
I got to talking to her about Orange and asked for her input. I felt upset because I could feel by the energy that nothing had actually shifted. It sort of felt as if when I felt bubbly and full of laughter again that it was perceived as flirting and gave him the ‘go-to.’
She goes, “I could tell he’s really into you. As if he would follow you around the world.”
“I can sense that, too, and it pushes me away,” I said.
She said I reminded her of herself back when she was my age by the life experiences we shared and the types of people/perceptions we seemed to attract except that I was more level headed. We both had numerous synchronicities occur, from having the same best friend’s name, to the same cat, to the same outlook on life. We both believed in past lives and felt deeply guided by animal symbolism. She had also expressed that she lived on the road for some time.
“I hitchhiked around the states with my sister in the seventies,” she said, “we were only 17 and 18 years old.”
“Woah, that’s so wild,” I said.
“Yeah, you wake up and you grow up when you live like that,” she said, “there are lessons to be learned through that kind of travel. It’s like these repetitive things will keep happening until you are able to learn from them.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” I said, “how did you manage to hitchhike at such a young age?”
“My parents kind of checked out by then. My dad died when I was 25 and he was a workaholic, so it’s not like I saw much of him anyways, whereas my mother was an alcoholic,” she said as she pondered. I could feel through her aura that she went through some intense experiences, while at the same time very awakening ones. “I kept traveling when I was younger, going to different states thinking that at the next spot I would find myself and finally be able to settle in, but I just kept realizing over time that I still had my shit to deal with. Wherever I went, there I was.”
She was intelligent and extremely in tune with herself which I found was a very attractive energy. Truly a hippie at heart, she was knowledgeable about past lives, qi gong, reading and tuning into energies, etc.
She told me how she used to go out with this older man in her hometown every Tuesday to eat. It went on for around 10 years. She expressed how she loved hanging out with elder people because oftentimes they, at the core of it, just wanted someone to talk to. They wanted to be heard.
“I love old people,” she said.
“I do, too,” I said, as I pondered having the same experiences with multiple elderly people.
“They’re wise beyond their years,” she said, “but often times they’re discarded as a nuisance to society. Other cultures seem to respect the elders, but in America they’re just thrown into retirement homes.”
At that time in her life, Topaz was in an apparently very unhealthy romantic relationship with a musician. The old man she met told her she needed to be with a farmer.
“Don’t go for musicians,” she said, “they tend to be the most self centered people.”
“I never really liked musicians,” I said, “I always felt really awkward being serenaded. I would much rather prefer a lumberjack or a handy man working on the farm.”
Now, Topaz was with a farmer and she loved it. She was grateful for her husband because he had the values she was looking for in a partner. He taught her so many things already, especially to slow down in life and relax, to take things day by day and moment by moment.
“It is crazy how people come into your life just to plant some seeds,” I said.
“It really is,” she agreed, “everything is interwoven.”
“Do you feel like your husband is the one?” I asked.
“I feel like he’s the one for me in this lifetime,” she said.
Her husband Teddy arrived home and I immediately loved his vibe. He greeted me with a smile and a hug. Eventually, Orange came out and we all sat together outside in their backyard. Teddy cracked open a beer and the boys got to talking since they shared a love for farming and tramping.
Topaz looked at me and whispered, “He was more nervous to meet Orange if anything, but the funny part is that they are both farmers and would love each other.”
They ended up hitting it off super well. By the end they were reading books about birds/trees and showing each other trail maps. They ended up hanging out outside while Topaz and I went back in the kitchen to check on the food.
“My husband and I are different in that regard,” she said, “he needs to meet people and see if he resonates with them. I, on the other hand, am more trusting and just know in the moment.” She peaked in the oven window and gave the chicken a few more minutes, then grabbed a handful of silverware to put on the table. “At first I was overwhelmed because December is our busiest month of having people over and I tend to be a hermit. I was rushing around, doing circles in my mind, wondering how I was going to make everything fit in while trying to stay calm and grounded in my energy, but the moment I met you I was like, oh everything is fine. Why did I have to panic? I knew right away that I resonated with you.”
I told her I was the same with Orange. I used the example of how I left my shit everywhere unattended all of the time and how he freaked out over it. He felt he needed to lock things up constantly whereas I would be laughing saying it would be fine.
“Yeah, you just put a bubble around it!” Topaz said.
“Exactly,” I said, “that’s what I do all the time! Put an energetic bubble around it.”
I took my clothing off the line while Topaz got the chicken out of the oven and the asparagus off the skillet. Everything was hot and ready to eat. The chicken was perfectly roasted and seasoned with rosemary. She had baked full potatoes with a side of steamed carrots.
“Can I eat the skin of the potatoes?” I asked.
“Of course,” Teddy said, “that’s the part with the most nutrients. You Americans are so funny eatin’ the center of the vegetable while peelin’ off the most nutritious part.”
Topaz gave us some water in a glass bottle that was labeled with the words: GRATITUDE, LOVE, OPENNESS, TRUST. She had infused it with that energy. We gathered at the table and thanked Shuru for connecting us together, all the while him being in a different country.
The food was delightful and filling. It was made with so much mana and love. I truly felt I was at home. We talked about the trail and shared so much joyous laughter. Her husband kept teasing me for not being into vegetables.
When the dessert came out, I ate two portions and said, “This tastes amazing.” Then I thought about how awesome it was to be able to eat whatever I wanted so I blurted, “I love being an adult!”
And the way her husband looked at me was priceless. He started bubbling with laughter and said that what I just experienced was an intrusive thought of the child inside of me. “See that’s like a thought you have in your head and you just keep it to yourself, but you actually just spit it out and said it out loud,” he said.
We all laughed. Then, Teddy asked how long we’ve been hiking for and when he found out he said, “Oh, so it’s like your drug.”
“Yes,” I said as Orange and I smiled.
I spoke of the difficulties of getting back into civilization after an experience like that.
Teddy was a Boy Scouts leader/guide back in the day so he very well understood. “I know what you mean about feeling like it’s hard for you to come back into civilization after tramping,” he said, “when you’re on trail, you’re constantly planning out your safety through small things such as where your water source will be or how to conserve your energy so you don’t burn out. You’re planning out how to cross a river safely and watching your foot placement for where you step so you don’t roll your ankle. You’re feeling the change in weather patterns and checking out if your camping space is secure. Every little thing is being subconsciously planned out, you’re making all these quick decisions and mental notes in every moment all throughout the day. And then you come back into civilization and everything is already planned out for you. There are signs for everything. Stop here, slow down there, turn here, buy food here. You don’t really have to think, or at least not as much, and your body kind of goes into this state of shock because it’s so used to thinking for itself and doing everything on its own. You’re so used to using your brain on trail throughout the day and when you come back to civilization and you don’t have to, it’s sort of like this internal battle. It’s a way to dumb you down.”
We went to the living room and hung out there for just a bit longer. I petted their sweet cat and let the food digest a bit before calling it a night.
As we were laying in bed, about to fall asleep, Orange goes, “I can tell you’ve been through some shit since the last time I saw you.”
“How can you tell?” I asked.
“Well for one, your legs are more toned,” he said.
I laughed. It was symbolic nowadays, that whenever I was going through some mental pain, I took it to the mountains to ‘walk it off.’
“And just the way you carry yourself is different,” he said, “you’re more open.”
I felt that about myself, too. I sat with that comment in silence and appreciation.
“Goodnight, Goldie,” he said.
“Mm,” I moaned in acknowledgment, too lazy to give a full reply.