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December 28 2023, Hamilton Hut to Lake Coleridge:
We had a very smooth day of trekking on an ATV road, making it an easy rise and fall of elevation. We crossed multiple streams along the valley and had stunning surround views of various types of mountains.
“Wow,” Lenses said, “mountain! Many.”
“Yes, many,” I said, looking at her with adoration.
My favorite part about wide open road walks was that I could walk alongside my tramily and have a conversation with them without heavily panting. I could also look at the scenery without having to trip over myself each time I lifted my head.
I asked the group if we could please take a break so I could eat something since I felt my energy was dwindling away. We quickly sat down on the grass and I noticed someone walking out of the bushes behind me, around 15’ away from me. It looked like a tiny, little boy.
I looked at Orange and exclaimed, “Oh, look! A child.”
As soon as that came out of my mouth I realized it was Ikra coming out of the bushes, probably after taking a pee. She looked so tiny that at first glance I assumed it was a kid. The funny thing was that it wasn’t even logical. We were in the middle of nowhere and there was no reason for a little kid to be lost at a base of a densely forested mountain. I had full tears running down my face from trying my hardest not to laugh when the girls asked me what was so funny. I didn’t know how to tell them without coming off as a complete dumbass. Orange roasted me the rest of the day for my brain fart moment.
Near the end of our road walk we saw a sheep randomly standing on top of a hill. It seemed it had escaped the herd as it was super fluffy!
“He’s livin’ his best life,” Orange said.
“He’s like the black sheep!” I said, “he went against the grain and now he’s free!”
We made it to the main gravel road and right as we were about to take a break we got picked up by a local farmer who was on his way home to have lunch with his wife. He drove us quite a ways. I was a bit bummed I missed walking most of the road as it was a really beautiful section and driving through it felt too fast for me to take in the energy of the scenery.
Eventually, an Irish man picked us up and drove us super out of his way, giving us the opportunity to arrive to Methven early. In the end, we were happy to have arrived earlier in town to spend a night before the surge of the New Year holiday.
“What do ye do fo a livin’?” the driver asked Orange.
“I’m a lamb bona,” he replied.
“A what?”
“A lamb bona.”
“Lamb bo-ner?”
I roared with laughter in the backseat.
“Shut-up!” Orange yelled as he turned around to give me a stern look.
That was the majority of the conversation during the ride. He dropped us off in the city center. We threw on some warm clothes as a couple of local kids on their bikes rode by.
“Ello,” one of them yelled, “did you guys have eh good Christmas?”
Then, we booked a room for the night and ran into the German girl on our way there so we invited her to stay with us. We gathered bundles of our clothes then went to do laundry. They weren’t selling detergent at the laundromat, go figure, so we took a detour to the supermarket to buy it in bulk. We got pizza and then Indian food for seconds while we waited for our laundry to finish.
I thought a lot about the concept of Love today. I had called my mom and she asked me about a lover of mine, as she always did, feeling as if she needed for me to get married before I ‘ran out of time.’ She had a few candidates on her list that she felt would be perfect for me. This time in particular it was my brother’s teacher, whom I had hooked up with in the fall. My mother desperately wanted me to be with him (along with the doctor, the dentist, the tennis coach and the lawyer). I felt annoyed because it seemed she often wanted me to be with people that my intuition was clearly telling me were big, red no’s.
My mother had seen me in a state where I was all lovey dovey and high on lust after the sexual play I had with him. She assumed I was in love. To me it was clear I wasn’t, due to the way my mind spun out and how airy I felt. Still, my mother thought I should guide him towards a deeper relationship whereas I felt the opposite. It was the first time I found myself being so firm and direct with her, feeling fed up of being told who to date.
“Mom, he’s boring as fuck,” I snapped, “there was no emotional connection there.“
I thought of how falsely at home I felt with all my past lovers, yet the feeling I was searching for was so innocent. Just like everybody else, I desired true connection and I was fully worthy of and wholly deserving of that feeling. The mistake I was making was in thinking that it was found outside of me.
She calmed in my perception, then said something that threw me off guard.
“The guy you can be best friends with, marry that one,” she said, “someone you can laugh and joke with at the end of a day.”
Simply hearing her say that felt like a miracle.
Normally I was used to her saying, “Doesn’t matter who you’ll marry, they’ll cheat on you anyways,” or, “there’s no such thing as love, don’t bother trying for something that doesn’t exist.”
Maybe my mother was suddenly experiencing hope? Regardless, I had never felt that ‘best friend’ vibe with a man she was speaking of, but I could envision it. I did, however, remember when I was a kid having sleepovers with boys and how happy I felt. Faint memories of innocence and the sound of our harmonious, joyous laughter.
Nowadays, I found I barely even smiled when I dated someone. I laughed a lot when I met someone new, but it wasn’t real. It was only ever to get his dick. To me that was a red flag. I needed humor. I wanted someone I could laugh with, and I mean really, genuinely laugh. What a gift that would be.