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February 21, 2024:
I left early to start my hitch to Christchurch. Initially I was going to cruise around the West Coast, however Spirit told me to stay on the east. I got a short ride from a local gentleman. He was a tour guide for NZ, taking people up mountains for short day hikes. He was excited for a certain tour he had planned for today, however he wasn’t feeling too hot so he was going to stay home with his wife for the day.
I was excited to tell him about the little hedgehog I found yesterday and he said he was annoyed that they existed.
“Don’t be mad at them,” I said, “they’re too cute to be mad at.”
“I’m mad at ‘em,” he said, “we don’ want ‘em here.”
Okay, I thought to myself, I’m getting the memo that Kiwis don’t seem to like hedgehogs or pine trees.
“Did ya get to see a lot of wildflowers in NZ?” he asked.
“Oh yeah,” I said, “tons.”
“I’ll neva forget the wildflowers I saw up on this one hike,” he said, “nobody told us that they were there and I walked up on ‘em and I can still rememba it to this day.” His eyes began to water as he remembered. “It took mah breath away.”
I loved how simple things like that made people’s hearts all warm and fuzzy.
He dropped me off at the perfect location where most everyone would be going to the city and there was a large spot for them to pull over into. I didn’t wait long until someone in a van made a u-turn then pulled up next to me.
He rolled his window down, checked me up and down then asked, “Where ya goin,’ luv?”
He said he was headed towards that direction however he was going to stop and go fishing somewhere along the way.
“I’m in!” I said.
He was a cute 35 year old kiwi named Brett who reminded me so much of my first two boyfriends combined except with a New Zealand accent. I could already tell he was going to be a character. He was wearing girl jeans which turned me off but his lips turned me on more so it cancelled out.
His lips, oh my god his lips… just looking at them makes me want to touch myself.
They reminded me of my own, even the way he moved his mouth when he talked was in a very similar manner as my own. It gave insight that he would be a great kisser.
He was naturally very funny, constantly making me laugh, one of those guys where everything that came out of his mouth was hilarious without him even trying. He just seemed to have a punch line for everything on the spot.
“I caught a hedgehog yesterday!” I blurted.
“Oh gawd no!” he said, “they’re ridden with ringworm!” He looked at me in disgust. “Did ya touch it with your bare hands?”
“Well, yeah! I had to catch it!”
“Oh gawd, that’s disgustin’! You’re probably ridden with ringworm.”
“Oh my god, no I’m not,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Get your hedgehog hands outta here!”
I looked at him playfully. What a trip.
We approached some striking blue water and he told me he was pulling over to go fishing. He invited me to stay with him if I wanted, but there was no pressure.
“How long are you planning on fishing?” I asked.
“Five minutes,” he said, “I’m headed to Christchurch right afta.”
I started laughing and asked, “You drove to your favorite fishing spot only to fish for a few minutes?”
“Yeah, that’s usually how long I wait for ‘em to bite.”
I decided to stay with him. I perched up on a rock, watching as he threw the line out and reeled it back in a few times. I was just getting in the zone when suddenly he started packing up saying he wanted to go to a different spot because nothing was biting.
“Dude, you only tried for two minutes,” I said.
Still, he drove further up the road to a quieter location. There were numerous fishermen all lined up beside each other. They had nets, rods and all sorts of contraptions I wasn’t familiar with. He stayed there for a few minutes as well, turning around every so often to look at me and send me a smile. Then, he packed up again and we continued our adventure.
The scenery started to change into a more dry, desert kine climate. He explained it was that way on the east, whereas on the west it was more wet and rainy.
“How high are we right now?” I asked as we drove over a small saddle.
“It’s like 1,500 meters high right here,” he said, “wait, no, don’t quote me on that. That may be incorrect.”
“What county are we in?” I asked.
“I think this is McKenzie county,” he said, “wait, no. That might be wrong, ignore that.”
I started laughing and said, “You would be a terrible tour guide.”
“Ay, ya get what ya pay for,” he teased.
Brett was a professional musician and was on his way to his hometown (CC) for a concert he had going on tomorrow night. I dealt with a lot of musicians so I wasn’t that impressed, nor that interested.
Instead, we filled in time by talking about past relationships. I asked him his take on dating.
He says, “Like a relationship requires so much work and energy that ya have to put into it and like love and all that shit. I need to put all the energy into myself and writin’ lyrics, ya know? I need to put all that single boy raunchy energy into mah music instead of the whipped boyfriend type energy.”
I stared at him and busted out laughing again. He was a typical fuck boy kine guy and not going to lie, I was judging him hard.
A few hours passed, then he decided to show me some of his music, probably because I wasn’t really making an effort to want to hear it. When I actually heard the songs he made, my eyes began to widen—I was hitting dangerous territory. His singing voice was like a drug. I had no idea he was actually that professional because he didn’t look it. His voice sounded so dreamy/erotic and his accent disappeared in the words. He also did everything on his own—singing, played all of the instruments and put everything together in the recording studio. I was very impressed.
When we were getting close to the city outskirts, he saw a group of sheep hanging out on the farm beside the road. He honked at them to which they freaked out and started running in confusion.
“What did you do that for?!” I yelled.
“What? It’s cute watchin’ ‘em all run away like that. Plus, they need the exercise. They can’t be sittin’ around eatin’ grass all day.”
Next moment a hawk flew over us.
“Woah it’s like National Geographic live,” I said.
A minute after that we drove past two cows having sex!
“How’s THAT for National Geographic,” Brett said, “we jus saw two cows fuckin’ and a hawk flyin’ over us within two minutes. X-rated: Beast Edition.”
Then I got excited seeing the construction zone as there were an exaggerated amount of traffic cones again. I loved that about NZ.
“It’s so beautiful!” I said.
Brett paused to look at me then asked, “Is it?”
“I don’t know,” I said, “something about them. I love how cylindrical and orange they are.”
“You’re a pretty funny person,” he said, “it’s been fun havin’ ya along the drive with me.”
I could tell he was interested in me and I was definitely beginning to fancy him, too. He was extremely funny and I was really digging his accent. I really liked the way he said the word ‘massive.’ I kept making him repeat it. “Mehhhsive.”
I felt my hormones escalate. Things that were non sexual were beginning to turn me on. We came to a stop at the stoplight and I saw some heavy duty straps in the back of a truck. I blushed because I immediately had a vision of him strapping me down to his mattress. My intrusive thoughts won as I accidentally said “oh my god” out loud.
“What?” he asked, trying to spot what I was looking at. “What? What’s goin’ on?”
My nipples grew rock hard from the fantasy and I quickly slid my heated palm over them to calm myself. I looked away and started laughing. “Nothing,” I said.
“You’re bein’ cheeky now, aren’t ya?” he asked.
Fuck, his accent was making me wet.
“That smile ya got goin’ on there is pretty intense,” he said. “Is there somethin’ ya would like to tell me, Fre-yah?”
“Nope,” I said in a squeaky tone.
“I love your American accent,” he said, “it’s like watching TV.”
“Funny,” I said, “I was just thinking the same thing about your kiwi accent.”
I could tell he would’ve fucked me right on the spot, he was definitely taking the bait. The mattress in the back of his van was tempting me, but my pussy was extremely sore from the previous guys so I kept the beast inside of me at arms length. Ugh, but then I stared at his arms and saw how hairy they were. Fuck, I was so turned on by hairy men. I put my arm next to his for some slight physical touch and comparison.
“Wow, you have so much arm hair,” I said.
“Yeah, I’m like a werewolf,” he said.
“Yeah you are.”
“You should see mah chest hair,” he said as he unfolded part of his shirt.
“Oh wow,” I said as I stared a couple of seconds too long.
He caught me going into a trance. We both started laughing after I snapped myself out of it.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Are you comin’ on to me?“ he asked.
I didn’t want to say anything because I felt I was unsure. It was the damndest thing because he didn’t really seem objectively attractive to me, but his pheromones and the way he spoke made my entire body shiver. He had a cocky personality about him which I for some reason enjoyed. He also wasn’t afraid of me which was refreshing. He moved closer into my presence rather than being off put by it.
He moved his hand underneath his chin like me but in such a manly way, studying me. He noticed the same things in me that I noticed in him.
“I love your wrist,” he said, “it’s so dainty and feminine, especially when ya have your fingers underneath your chin lookin’ up at me from ova the rim of your glasses.”
Oof. Good thing my stop was coming up before I did something I would later regret. We exchanged information and he told me to come to his concert, free of charge. He dropped me off in the town center where I waited for Angus. I didn’t even recognize him walk by the first time because he looked like a completely different man. Instead of thru-hiker attire he was dressed in really nice clothing paired with classy leather shoes. He looked lean, extremely handsome and well put together. One would never know he was secretly hiker trash.
Wow, I thought to myself, he looks fucking good.
He brought me back to his place where he would be hosting me for a few nights before I flew out.