Russ was working the morning shift as a server. He approached me and asked what book I was reading.
“A Course in Miracles,” I said, “it’s about Jesus.”
He laughed and sarcastically said, “You love Jesus and you go to bed early.”
“Yeah, I’m a good girl,” I moaned, “I don’t even drink or do drugs.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “My brain hurts,” he said.
He came to visit me in the laundry room. I could feel his energy building around me, his hormones intensifying. He grabbed hold of me, quickly wrapping his hand around my neck as if he was a python suffocating me. Unable to move from his grip, he used his other hand to slap my ass then tensely grazed it up and over my upper thigh, sliding his fingers over my pussy. He grabbed it tight just a second before Zane and Clay came in—they may have even seen something. If they didn’t, my face at least gave me away.
I went upstairs with the intention to grab some coffee, but ended up flirting with the G.M. instead. He reminds me of the guy from The Office in that one episode where all of the women are drawn to the new ‘big boss’ black man. The character says, “I am aware of the effect that I have on women.” I know for a fact I can’t hide my excitement around all these dark skinned men—guess I have a thing for them now. Kaden saw me flirting with him, pretty sure it aggravated some part of his brain. He pulled the attention of my lusting eyes off of him, letting me know he was going to bring the napkins downstairs soon. I knew what that meant.
Shortly after Russ had teased me, Kaden came down with the basket of napkins and sat across the table from me. I was in the middle of reading a book about finding God through femininity/modesty. Ironic since all the while I had my ass sticking out as I invitingly leaned over the table. Kaden’s aura was intense for me. All he had to do was look at me and I would get all shaken up. He sat with his shoulders hunched over and his hands clasped together in front of his crotch, blocking off the very area I wanted to stare at. I was drawn to the deadness in his eyes, as if he was permanently sedated.
He goes, “So tell me about this movie. This movie of your life as Freyja.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Were you like this your whole life?”
“Yes,” I said, “since I can remember, around six or seven years old, maybe even younger.”
I recalled memories of being in KinderCare, getting in trouble for masturbating and playing out piss play fetishes. My parents were called in and I got berated, not knowing I was doing anything wrong.
“What is it you want?” he asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Is it a fantasy? Do you want to be the center of attention?”
“I don’t know, a lot of it. Definitely the fantasy, but also I just really like feeling intimidated and degraded. Most of all, I just really want to get gangbanged.”
“So, THIS is the place you chose for that?”
“I choose every place,” I said.
“So, does that mean I don’t have to be nice to you?” he asked.
I blushed and said, “Of course not.”
“Mm, good,” he groaned. “You’re gonna suck my cock whenever I tell you to.”
He never had trouble holding eye contact with me when he demanded such things out of me.
He glanced at my diary. Apparently people here call it my “little black book.”
“Tell me what you wrote about me.”
“Not yet,” I flirted.
“Do you use people’s real names?”
“Most definitely.”
“So if you ever lost or left your diary somewhere, everyone would know all the dirt.”
Yep, wouldn’t be a first.
I was subtly feeling myself in my seat by the way I rocked my hips back and forth. He told me if I am a good girl, and I do what he says, then I’ll be deserving enough to fuck him.
“What do I have to do to earn your cock?” I asked.
“Well, you’ve already been a good girl”—*makes sharp eye contact*—“for the most part. Keep it up and maybe you’ll get it.”
I perked up my posture.
He continued, “I expect you to follow my orders. I’m the boss here. Do you hear me?”
I nodded my head ‘yes’ while my nipples gave way to my excitement.
“Touch your pussy,” he demanded. I continued to sit on the stool. I didn’t move, I wanted to see how far I could push him. More sternly, he repeated, “Touch. Your. Pussy. Now.”
I did what he said. My hand followed the heat emanating from in between my legs. Slowly, I started fingering my clit over my black leggings. He was sitting, nonchalantly watching me touch myself. I looked at him longingly. He, on the other hand, was indifferent and out of reach. I needed to get more of his approval.
“Stand up,” he said.
The narcotic power of his voice and eyes made my body move before I had time to think.
“Walk over there and keep playing with yourself.”
I looked around as he used his head to nudge where I needed to stand. I followed his direction. My nipples were rock hard now. I continued to play with myself over the fabric of my pants. He scooted the stool an inch back so he could watch for people through his peripheral vision.
“When I start talking, that’s when you know someone’s coming. Got it?”
I nodded.
“You’re going to cum for me,” he said.
After about 30 seconds, he started talking to someone who walked in, but I couldn’t see them from where I was standing. The casual tone in his voice made me second guess if there was anyone even in the room. One would never guess that he was acting out something naughty. He gave me a sharp look, so I quickly took my hand off my pussy.
Darianna came around the corner. “Oh! I didn’t see you there. I was wondering who he was talking to.”
My face blushed red as more people circled in.
Kaden looked at the dining napkins that were in the dryer. “Done yet?” he asked.
“Me? No. The napkins, yes.”
With a few people in the room now, conversing on their own accord, Kaden casually talked to me within the mix of their voices. “I know you’re not done yet, but don’t worry, we’ll work on that later. Just remember, I’m your boss now.”
He told me I had to carry the heavy basket of napkins upstairs. He led the way, then stopped halfway up the concrete stairs. He looked down at me and said, “No one is better than me. I know I’m the one you really want. All the other guys are just here to keep your pussy warmed up and wet for me.”
“It’s true,” I said.
He continued walking up the stairs, then suddenly stopped and turned around. He walked back down, then grabbed my pussy so hard that he nearly shoved his fingers right through the fabric. My eyes were centered on his as my mouth opened slightly in pleasure. I couldn’t think straight when his hands were on me. While keeping his hand cupped over my pussy, he pushed me, making me walk backwards all the way to the laundry room. It was as if was telling me, “Don’t fuck with me or else you’re gonna get it.”
I don’t think he’s aware yet of how rebellious I really am. I want to push him to the very edge.
After I got off work, I went to the EDR to get some food. Kaden walked in, then when no one was watching he whispered for me to follow him. At the road, he was a few feet in front of me, then told me to take a left. He wasn’t specific, so I missed it quite a ways. Eventually I did a u-turn and skipped onto the boardwalk. Next thing I know he’s right behind me. Following me like a panther, stalking me.
I turned around to enjoy the view of animalistic destruction written on his face.
“Don’t look at me,” he said.
I smiled, excited that I was about to get eaten, maybe even split open.
“Walk faster.”
I barely picked it up a small pace, acting intentionally bratty.
“You better start following directions if you want to get fucked by me.”
He told me to turn around, then reached into his pants to take out his hard cock. I bit my lip. The head of it was slightly pink and shiny. My mouth grew wet at the sight.
“Watch me,” he said, jerking himself as he walked, taunting me… as if showing me I was about to get raped… as if telling me I had a reason to be scared. I hopped out of excitement, loving how intimidating it all felt.
He told me to stop walking, then demanded I slide my pants down and spread my ass apart—directly on the trail.
I nervously turned around and said, “I’m not wearing any panties.”
“Good girl,” he said, “now, go ahead.”
I unzipped my hiker pants, with a wide stance and held them up at my knees. Feeling extremely intimidated now, I leaned forward and used my fingers to spread my hairy pussy wide open for him.
“Good girl,” he groaned.
I pulled them back up and continued to walk forward.
“Did you like sucking his dick last night?”
I smiled. “Very much.”
“Take me to where you did it. I like to see where my sluts are getting used.”
I loved when my lovers wanted to hear about the filthy things I’ve done, especially the moments that didn’t involve them.
“What did you like about it?”
“His cum.”
“Mm, did you swallow?”
“Mhm.”
“Good girl.”
I shuddered with desire each time he said that.
“Do you wanna own me?” I asked after he made a comment about me being ‘his.’
“I already do own you.”
I turned around to smile at him.
“Who else do you want?” he asked.
“Hook.”
“Who else?”
“Mm, Dylan.”
“Who else?”
“Oo, Badger!” I said.
“That one will be a little harder.”
Badger was another thru-hiker that all the girls had a crush on, however he seemed disinterested. Kaden went on about the other guys who really wanted to experience my mouth around their cock, but once he told me who they were, I said I wasn’t interested. A few were physically not my type and the others gave me pedo vibes.
I walked him into the forest and found the spot. He looked around and felt uncomfortable that it may be too visible.
That’s the point, I thought to myself.
He walked me into more dense overgrowth, then stood tall in front of me. I looked up at him with doe eyes, longing to kiss his succulent lips.
“You know what to do,” he says.
I got down on my knees. He whipped it out for me—hard and viral, as he knows I love. His cock curved slightly to the right, which was good for me because it would hit my g-spot perfectly, that is, if he actually decided to fuck me.
Drinking in the taste of his cock, he asked, “Am I the first cock you sucked off here?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Whose do you like better?” he asked.
I laughed. It’s so funny how dudes will claim not to be possessive, but then I’ll see it come out in comments like that. Suddenly, he saw someone walking on the trail then forced me to duck down, followed by getting upset that I had too bright of a jacket on. I rolled my eyes as I stifled back my giggles. Wished he would play with exhibitionism more.
While we were hiding, he stuck his fingers in my pussy roughly. It didn’t feel too good, but maybe he intended it to be that way. I needed to be much more teased. I liked when a guy focused on my clit, until I was begging to feel his fingers inside of me.
He stood back up then shoved his cock back into my mouth, stretching my jaw open. Aggressively throat fucking me, my throat increasingly dilated with each interval until I was choking and gagging. He made me cry from how hard he was thrusting. I even baby barfed a little.
“Call me your boss,” he said.
I shook my head ‘no’ as I looked up at him with teary red eyes. He gently removed my glasses, threw them to the side, then slapped my face hard—again and again until I would give in. Then, he accidentally stepped on them causing them to break.
“I’ll make it up with my cum,” he said.
Good enough.
Upon hearing me call him by his title, he came down my throat. Would keep me energized for at least a little bit.
As we got dressed and walked back, he says, “There’s a bitch I’m going to bring for us to fuck. I want to have a threesome.”
“I’m not into girls,” I said.
“I didn’t ask you. And don’t you worry, I’ll be fucking you most of the time anyways.”
It seems as if everytime I voice that I only want men, somehow dudes hear that and make something else out of it. I got so turned off. I’m so sick of having threesomes with chicks. I just really don’t like pussy. I’m also getting bored/annoyed real fast that they won’t fuck me already. I don’t have it in me to wait that long. I’ve never been patient in this regard. Eventually I’ll find someone else to do the job.
Kaden is hiding me which is rapidly turning me off as well. He said there’s other chicks he wants to fuck so he doesn’t want any trace of me possibly ruining that for him. I could give two fucks if there’s other girls. If anything, it would keep him off my back. Point is, I really love being shown off. To me that is a major turn on. I love everything about PDA—it makes me want to fuck that much more. V just knew how to read me so well. He knew how to toy with me. I loved the way he desperately tried to show me off—to everyone. He claimed me, owned me. Even though he knew deep down, he didn’t really. I hate how much I want him still, even after everything. I really meant it when I said, “I wish I could be your girl.”
I noticed there has been a lot of annoyance on my end with the blog situation. I just got here and I can already sense a fear people have to be written about. It’s just as weird on my end, too, because I’m not on trail or hitchhiking, so I actually have to see the same people everyday. It’s gotten to the point where I feel as if people are trying to steal my diary or will stand behind me and attempt to read what I’m writing. Apparently, my writing is illegible but I can read it perfectly so it works out in my favor.
In the end, exposing behaviors and fears is actually a gift as it removes the weight we put on our life, thinking it’s actually our life. I sense fear when I call myself out, too. It’s not like I’m immune to the feeling of embarrassment or anxiety. The difference is I know it is meaningless. The thing that worries what people might think is not actually me. In the end, it is just words. Nothing that occurs in this world has any substance or defines our worth, no matter what the story is being portrayed. To me, writing is a practice for me to move through what people say about me and taking any backlash that might come my way.