Early afternoon we had an employee meeting. It wasn’t mandatory but we would get paid for it if we went. It was chill, but oh boy, I really couldn’t focus. Kaden was sitting at the table in front of me and had his legs splayed open. I stared at the dark gap at the bottom of his shorts, secretly attempting to sneak a glance at his balls. I let out a sigh to myself. I wish he would just let me blow him all throughout the day or at least let me walk around naked in front of him while he jerked off to me.
As for the meeting, we just went over any complaints we had. I shared my part which was feeling dissatisfied with the food. It seems all of us were told food and lodging was included but found out that was not really the case. Apparently we have to pay for every meal, even if we choose not to eat. That rubbed me the wrong way since I haven’t been eating lunch or dinner in nearly 2 weeks. I purchased packaged rice from ToshCo to hold me over each night, yet I’m still paying for the other meals that I’m not eating. It would be ideal to use the kitchen and make it similar to a hostel, but for some reason that is not allowed.
Quiet hours were also discussed during the meeting, ironically brought up by the people who were the loudest of the bunch. Even more ironic that the same day we were having this meeting, Vance had set in place a toga party that started at 10 pm. (It would be the loudest night we had yet—most everyone was there.)
There was another meeting a few hours after the first one. Apparently, we (the employees) were no longer allowed to eat at the lodge—breakfast, lunch and dinner—since apparently we are “taking up guest space.” Starting tomorrow, we were still allowed to partake in the breakfast buffet, however they gave us plastic containers to use that we would have to take outside and eat in the cold. The thoughts in my mind went circling:
I don’t like eating out of plastic.
I feel like a dog.
I feel hidden and dehumanized.
We are not appreciated.
They’re being cheap.
I felt super victimized. The thought that really put things into perspective for me was, I’m paying my employees TRIPLE what I am making.
People cannot survive on $15 an hour and that’s not including the flights here and back, along with how much money is being taken out of our paychecks. I felt the rose colored glasses were coming off. At first when I came here it was all cherry and now I just feel like I’m seeing all the underlying things going on. I feel like the corporation doesn’t really give a shit about our general well being. It was an energy game I forgot often came with working for other people.
So as soon as I heard the news that we weren’t allowed to enjoy the lodge space anymore, that was the cherry on top for me to put in my notice. Being at the lodge was the highlight of my day before and after a long workday, especially if I were to want to go on a date or eat out with my friends. This was never any kind of issue at any of the previous restaurant jobs I worked at. If anything, I brought them in a crazy amount of customers because of all the people I met.
In the end, it’s not even about the food/lodging, it’s about freedom and being treated as a person who is feeling seen/heard. I loathed the energy of feeling as though I was being hidden. I was used to being in environments where I felt honored and loved by the people around me. The management here keeps saying that things will change and that they’re working on it, however things seem to be staying the same. It seems like the only person who really gives a shit and wants people to be happy is Axle, but he doesn’t have much control over any of what we are apparently struggling with.
Besides that, I think things smoothed over with Russ. He came downstairs to make out with me in the back office where I blew Kaden. He sat down in the chair and made himself comfy.
“I’m horny,” I said as I let out a sigh and gave him a pouty face, expecting him to fix it.
He looked up at me from below, then stood up and revealed that his cock was about to burst through his pants. “Me, too,” he said as he tightened the denim to better outline his bulge.
I bit my lip and grabbed it without asking first. I could sense it throws him off guard that I’m not afraid to take what I want. I went back to my laundry zone and continued reading my book while the sheets finished drying. Before he went back upstairs, he made his way over to me then gave my ass a hard slap. I lifted myself an inch off the seat then he stroked his hand underneath my pussy, teasing me. I stuck my ass out, moaning as I pressed myself further into his hand. He wrapped his fingers around my neck, adding pressure to his grip, then leaned in to kiss me. When our faces pulled apart, I noticed his lips were covered in sparkles from my lip gloss. Even his face had remnants of my body glitter that dazzled under the light. Just as I was about to tell him he was drenched in shimmer, I decided to keep it to myself. In fact, I went in to kiss him further, adding more of my aesthetic to him. Figured we were even now.
After work, I went to the lodge to work on a macramé belt for the toga party. Juozas came to sit down next to me.
“You know,” he said, “looking at you from the side, you seem like a very innocent and sweet girl.” He widened his eyes. “And then you start talking.”
We both laughed at the paradox.
“Oh Godule,” he said, “you do have a way of seducing people with your words.”
Just like he had a way of seducing people with his charisma.
Vance was super stoked on putting the toga party together. He got everyone sheets from the laundry room and even bought all of the food and drinks using his own money. I was hesitant to go due to the time it started, but he pushed me since I didn’t leave my room much.
“You owe me, “Freyja,” he said.
“For what?”
“You know what,” he said as he raised his eyebrows.
“Ah, fuck it. You’re right.”
I went back to my room and threw a black sheet around my body, attempting to arrange it in a unique way but I kept getting nip slips. After I figured out a style, I gave Georgina my phone to snap a picture of me so I would remember how to put it on after my fuck date with Russ.
“This is what a quarter life crisis looks like,” I said.
“Yeah, you’re in your late 20s about to go to a toga party after you fuck some random dude,” she said. “If it makes you feel better, Vance is in his 50s so it’s actually a midlife crisis for him.”
As she pointed the camera at me, my entire body became stiff, making it obvious I felt really uncomfortable. She laughed in confusion at my reaction.
“Dude, I know,” I said, “I get nervous when a camera is on me. Unless I’m naked, that’s totally different.”
I met Russ on trail at 8:30 pm. I really do think he’s afraid of me. I could feel his nervousness. He was trying to be cool and make his voice deeper. He started downing a beer and I could just energetically feel he was psyching himself out. I thought it was cute. He grabbed my ass then took my hand and placed it on his bulge. He showed me the precum that formed a stain on his tan pants.
“Mm, that’s so hot,” I said as I gave his rod a nice squeeze. “Can I have a quick taste?”
He did a look around then let me suck him off for a few seconds. He got me all excited for what was to come. We continued walking but just as we were about to take a turn into the woods, along down the trail came Jenna, Badger and Paramour. It was written all over our energy what we were about to do.
Jess smiles and goes, “Lovely day for a stroll, ain’t it.”
“Perfect day for it,” Badger says.
Jenna adds, “Yes it is.”
Russ and I agree. “Yup! Sure is.”
It was the most cringing few seconds because underneath their words I could feel them saying, “We know exactly what you two are up to. Have fun getting fucked.”
After we passed them, we passed lines of tourists that were out on a stroll.
“Why are people even walking this late?” I whispered as we let them walk by.
Eventually, we just snuck off into the woods then hid behind a tree that barely covered us. I went down on him but I felt like he was about to bust any second, so I stood back up. He started to pull a sheet out of his bag.
“How thoughtful,” I said, “but I wanna do doggy style.”
I turned around and got into position while he put a condom on. Then, he shoved his latex covered cock in, pulling on a few of my pubic hairs while doing so. I bent further into him, enjoying the slight pain as my body adjusted to the way he stretched and filled me. He seemed much bigger now that he was actually inside of me. I placed my face cheek on the rough bark of the tree then held on tight. I closed my eyes and drifted off into another world as he inched deeper into my walls.
His fingertips bit into the flesh of my hip as he pounded me. Then he grabbed me by the neck, choking me. “Didn’t I tell you I would fuck you good?!”
He pounded me harder. My mind went quieter. My cheek had marks indented into it from being pushed into the tree. I accidentally inhaled a piece of bark and choked on it as I tried to catch my breath. Drool hung off my bottom lip. I could feel I was about to explode. I dug my nails into his thigh, piercing him with my stingers.
“FUCK!” he yelled, then grabbed my wrists and pinned them behind my back. I gushed juices all over his cock, pushing him off of me as it waterfalled down my inner thighs.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, “it’s really rare that happens to me.”
I really really have got to stop saying that to every dude. Anyways, he came inside me, but not really because the condom blocked it off. I always preferred it raw, plus I didn’t get to taste myself or his true essence when the rubber overpowered the pheromones. Still, I was happy I got fucked and got to check him off the list. I pulled my leggings back up then told him I’d be walking the other way.
He began to follow me to which I stopped and said, “No, I am walking this way.”
He began to trip over his words. “Oh, oh, okay, yeah, I’m walking the other way then.”
“Yeah…” I said.
Of course, as per usual, I felt really sad after it all passed. I didn’t really want to talk or walk back with him because it would’ve felt agonizing for me. It’s just we don’t have anything in common other than wanting to get each other off, and that’s fine, but I think it’s important to recognize it for what it is. I’d like to keep that distance there so as to not make something out of nothing.
During the walk, I stopped by the shoreline of the ocean to listen to the gentleness of the waves. I took my jacket off, still hot from getting fucked. The sun was setting and its rays felt cleansing to my pale skin. I perched up on a rock and closed my eyes as I let the stability of it ground me. There it was, the same familiar feeling again. I was in Alaska, a state that’s so sought after to visit, and here I was, longing to be in another.
It was always about the journey for me, hence why I loved being on the move rather than sitting in a comfy environment. It was the adrenaline of half-assed planning, wondering who I might meet, booking the flights and actually stepping out into the cold world to follow it through. No matter where I was in the world, I often got lost in nostalgia and daydreams of the past until the moment was gone. And as always, there would come a time in my life when that very moment would turn into a nostalgic memory that I would look back on, longing to be exactly where I am right now at this very spot. Still, I couldn’t help but traverse through my mind.
I squinted my eyes as the clouds gently met the horizon. I envisioned the CDT and the campground I stayed at in Yellowstone, the one where I hung up my food on a branch no more than 6’ from the ground. I walked over to a glistening lake then ate some tortillas I piled spoonfuls of Nutella in. The sound of the water softly soothed the intensity and difficulty I faced of my day to day life on trail. I recalled numerous memories of trail life that felt good and quiet, using them for a moment so that I didn’t have to tell myself of the pain that lay in my consciousness. Even if only for a few seconds, I felt healed. Away from the noise. Away from my habits.
Then, I had an epiphany. Earlier, I had read a passage from a book that spoke of God metaphorically putting us in this maze when we try to idolize things or people in the world. He’ll make us meet lovers that are out of reach, making it so that we are ‘walled in’ so to speak. When we chase after people that are not meant for us, we will not catch them. When we look for love through people/the world, we will not find it because that unconditional love we seek is only given from God. It’s silly to idolize fleeting and impermanent things, telling ourselves that through them we will find enlightenment or happiness. The author further compared it to God basically putting us in this maze that leads us nowhere until we tire ourselves out from running, wearing us out to the point where we will have nowhere to turn but to Him. In the end, revealing to us that it’s all just a set up. I applied this to sex and sexual fantasy, the way I find myself to be in this maze that leads to nothing and takes me nowhere.
I went back home and got ready for the party. The moment I stepped out of the door and saw people, I threw on my seductive personality. I’m so different in secret. I’m so sensitive, weird and quiet. Yet when eyes are on me, I change. I saw Vance, Mason and the hot young redhead smoking a joint behind one of the buildings. I joined them in their space.
Mason looked so hot today. He had a bad boy motorcycle look going on—black sleeveless shirt and a grimy beard with specks of cigarette ashes. He grabbed me and I melted my weight into his arms, enjoying how open he was with showing me off in public. He was so touchy-feely, giving me those animalistic eyes that I knew would deliver.
I grabbed him by the shirt. “Did you get the message I sent you?”
“Which one?”
“The one where I said I missed your cock.”
He groaned, “Yeah, he misses you, too.”
He pulled me in and started kissing me. Vance and the youngin started laughing in discomfort, telling both of us to keep it in our pants. I loved when people watched me in action regardless if it felt off putting to them. Mason started telling me how sexy I looked wrapped up in a bed sheet, demanding I give him a twirl. And so I did.
“Tell me whenever you want me to come,” he said, “I’ll take you in the woods and tie you up, restrain you to a tree.”
“Mm, tell you when to come, eh?”
Once again, the two boys moved uncomfortably as they took another hit of their joint. Then, we walked over to the party and I stopped by the entrance of the EDR. Mason went inside to chat with his buddies while I hung out with Paramour and gushed to her about Mason.
“Which one is he?” she asked.
“You’ll know,” I said.
Shortly after, he came back out and went straight to grabbing me, biting my neck and growling. He whispered, “I’m going to kidnap you.”
My eyes sparkled as Paramour mouthed “he’s hot” with an approving head nod.
She went inside then Mason and I started french kissing. He lifted my leg up onto his hip, pulled me in tight and pushed my back against the railing. The maintenance guy looked over at us as he finished up his cigarette. I heard people in the background, including Russ’s laugh. I thought it would especially be fun to put on a show for him when he came up the stairs.
I kissed Mason harder, placing my fingers in the front pockets of his ragged jeans and pulling his hips towards mine. Hook walked by as Mason secretly stroked his fingertips over my pussy. I released him from my lips and looked over to see Dylan staring at us in disbelief of what he just saw. His mouth agape, he put up his hand up, signaling to his friends to stop from walking up on the scene, even though I really wanted them to. Still, I made it so that Russ would walk up on us kissing. I made casual eye contact with him, as if he was a nobody, even though not even an hour had passed since he had fucked me. That was my kind of revenge for not getting what I wanted, when I wanted.
We went to the party for a bit, I got super anxious due to all of the people. I felt self-conscious and the small talk was driving me mentally insane. So, I grabbed Mason’s hand in the middle of the room and gave him a seductive look, letting him know to follow me. It wasn’t sneaky, but at the same time it felt like it was. We stepped outside and went underneath the rails, then he guided me to the construction site.
“I feel so naughty sneaking in a place where I know I’m not allowed,” I said.
“You’re welcome anytime because I’m in charge,” he said whilst squeezing my hand. “You can fuck me all you want. I don’t kiss and tell.”
“I don’t mind if you kiss and tell,” I said.
He connected eyes with me then firmly repeated, “I don’t kiss and tell.”
We approached the building and he quickly grabbed a broom then swept up remnants of small wood carvings off the stairs. He walked me inside as I was hit with a scent of fresh plywood, then he lifted me up and placed me on a table that was scattered with blueprints. Rulers and wide pencils were placed at the corners of the table. I looked at the sheets, staring at the lines and mathematical equations used to build such a place. I loved how men knew these things. It seemed so out of my understanding and fascinating because of that. I glided my fingers on the paper, tracing hearts through the sprinkles of sawdust.
He used his finger to turn my head back towards him then made out with me, slowly feeling me up. He knew how to touch me just right. Naturally, my legs opened up for him.
“It’s been a long time since anyone has gotten me this riled up,” he said.
I wanted to tease myself some by not having sex with him, but he was making my thoughts fluctuate as he bit and nibbled revealing parts of my skin.
He lifted me off the blueprints, then held the end of my toga sheet and used it as a leash to walk me through the hallway in near pitch black darkness. I followed him up the stairs into another hallway. I barely knew this man, but I wasn’t scared, not even in the slightest bit. If anything, I found comfort in strange men that offered the perception of possible danger. As he led me through the corridor of the new employee housing, he playfully showed me where and how he would fuck me in each place, on each box, over each table.
He lifted me in his arms, walked me into one of the rooms then laid me on the hardwood floor. “This room would be perfect to fuck you in,” he said as he grabbed the side of my hip and pulled me in. “There’s a window where people can see you.”
He stood up, grabbed me by the hand then gestured for us to keep walking. When we reached the end of the hallway, he effortlessly lifted me up and placed me on top of a tall box, my pussy perfectly in line with his face. Gently, he spread my legs and inhaled my scent as he slowly released a hot, heavy breath on her.
Can you smell Russ? I thought to myself.
“Ain’t no man here gonna fuck you like me,” he said.
“I know,” I said. “Why do you think I picked you?”
