It was my first official day at Moose Lane. Dubu dropped me off, I worked on my physical therapy exercises and ate all my chocolate to hold me over until the orientation. I really love this place, the only thing that is a bit challenging for me is this sense that I have to have my shit together. It feels really churchy, kind of like if something wasn’t peachy keen, they would be upset.
Mallory went over all the rules and regulations, then I was given my work uniform and politely asked if I had a bra. I said no but offered to wear a shirt underneath. I could energetically feel it was not the space to walk around braless. Still, I appreciated knowing there were places that actively wanted their employees to appear modest/conservative.
I met my roommates, Rosa and McKenna. Rosa was a pastry chef from Portugal, the one whose lava cake I fell in love with. McKenna was a young Mormon girl working seasonally before school started. I put my hair up in a ponytail and got to work, helping the girls with stayover rooms which was where we cleaned the rooms out partially, but didn’t strip the bedding or anything like that since the guests would be spending another night.
McKenna led me into the kitchen and showed me where to throw out the compost. She leans in as if she’s about to tell me a secret.
Oh, juicy gossip! I thought to myself. It has been a while since I heard anything fun.
“Technically,” she says, “I’m not allowed to go in the kitchen because I’m not a server.”
“WOAH!” I said, “that’s wild.”
This is going to be a long rest of the summer.
Later, I helped with dinner service. That was quite overwhelming. A group had bought out the lodge so I was going to help by shadowing the servers, collecting plates and bringing food items to tables. It was intense when a bunch of people came into the dining area, however I quickly relaxed when I noticed that each individual table came spaced about 20 to 30 minutes apart so as not to overwhelm the servers. It was like an orchestra.
Summer was great at the job, even as I followed her around like an annoying little sister. I, on the other hand, managed to spill things and drop silverware while bringing items to the dishwasher. I really did not work well in environments that were fast paced and out of my element in that way. It felt it would have an opposite effect, causing me to apparently make mistakes.
Elian came up to me and said, “Freyja, I am just so happy to have you here.” She placed her hand on my shoulder. “Thank you.”
It felt so good to be seen/heard in such a way. I pay attention to treatment like that very much. “Really? I asked. “I feel like I’m messing up. I feel so anxious and out of my element.”
She reassured me I was doing great. It helped that all of the guests were incredibly kind and well mannered, constantly letting us all know how impeccable the service was. We even received a standing ovation with the whole dining room clapping and cheering us on. Then, the group had some sort of science speech that halted us from doing our closing routine. Chip was visibly annoyed and made comments such as, “They could’ve done that in the lobby… Just sayin’.”
Summer stayed a bit longer to help polish silverware. They POLISH things here—can you believe that? That’s so fancy! Mallory was surprised I didn’t do that at previous jobs. I mean, I had served in the past, but those restaurants were Denny’s and a trashy nighttime bar.
I opened up to Summer about Dubu. She was really surprised to hear what occurred, saying that he’s never acted that way and that it was very out of character. I’ve been told that a lot over the years when people’s friends acted differently around me than they did with them. “Huh, that’s so strange, he’s never done that before,” quickly became a common sentence for me to hear.
She adds, “Dubu has never pulled anything like that on me because I don’t like to be touched and he knows my energetic boundary.”
All the while I’m thinking, I can’t believe I’m still learning this lesson… Do I not give off an energetic boundary, too? Do I have to trade acting nice for acting like a bitch to not have these experiences come up?
Her advice for me was to just be upfront with him but not in an attacking way. She reminded me he was my friend, therefore to not be afraid to voice myself, especially since he had no idea what I was going through. She further reassured me that his kindness had nothing to do with an ulterior motive, that Dubu was simply very generous with everyone.
I went back to my room after my shift. Just as I was getting into bed, McKenna whispered, “Freyja!”
“What?”
“I’m in looove!” she said as she twirled and collapsed onto her bed all starry eyed.
She was only 20 and I found myself experiencing a sense of jealousy, wishing I could be that naïve again. I hoped it would never hit her the way it did me. I prayed she wouldn’t be fooled in the ways I had been. I, too, once had the same naivety. Now I’m just jaded and skeptical of anyone who tries to come close. All it takes is one man a girl is in love with to betray them for that lightness to begin flickering unsteadily, nearly going out from the slightest blow. On the bright side and just the same, it also only takes one man to reignite it and hold the flame steady. And that ‘man’ is not to be found in the world.
She got on her knees alongside her bed and prayed, then turned on her bedside lamp and read her Book of Mormon while I fell asleep.
