Today I’ve been thinking about the games people play and the masks we wear.
I find myself to be very in tune with energies and having the ability to see through these apparently solid appearances. I have this built in ‘bullsh*t detector’ which seems to work both as a blessing and a curse. I can see through lies and manipulation, especially because I’ve had my fair share of acting that out.
One of the masks I wear is confidence and a bubbly personality, yet to those who have known me for years and are close to me, you’ll know I’m actually very quiet and don’t speak much. I pretty much avoid people at all costs and don’t talk unless I find it necessary/inspiring. If I had the option to be in a cozy room all day and write/read or hang out at a library all day I would choose that over interacting with people any day.
Yet, most everyone I meet is not convinced I am a complete antisocial introvert. If it didn’t seem like I needed a job to make money or ‘make it by’ in this, what we call ‘life,’ I would be entirely alone in the mountains or off grid in a cabin making art. I would have no problem with that, yet it seems in order for me to survive I need to put on a mask to make it through this vicious perception of a world. I set it up to make it look like we have to work tirelessly from morning to night just to receive the basic necessities of food and shelter. Of course, I know it’s not really true, it is only the conditioning I received that I need to be ‘extroverted,’ because how else will I run a business or let alone, survive?
I was taught to build a thick skin, but I’ve noticed that hurts way more than wearing my heart on my sleeve. The mask has been coming off more and more throughout the years. At least now, just like a child, I am very expressive to what I am feeling.
When I feel a sensation of sadness, I cry.
Joyousness, I laugh.
Anger, I scream.
It feels a bit more honest to allow myself to be natural.
Learning to watch/observe is an immense gift you can give to your mind. I find it entertaining to really observe people. I see through people’s facial expressions/words all of the time. They could be laughing or being nice, yet behind their eyes, I sense the actuality of what is occurring. I find it fascinating why we don’t really give ourselves the freedom to just be as we are.
I have especially noticed this working a job for customer service again. Although I love it, I’m also seeing a lot of stuff I didn’t notice before. It seems really fake and I have even been told (since I’m uncomfortable with approaching people) to just act fake and pretend like I’m overly happy and kind even if it’s not at all what I’m feeling. So strange to me, that concept of expressing yourself as someone you’re not, and for what? To get more tips? During my shifts, I usually end up crying behind closed doors a lot as it is truly very overwhelming for me to be pushed out of comfort zones that to other people might seem like nothing. A pattern I seem to hold strong: doing things because it feels like I have to.
This goes on to my next topic: forcing people to do things they don’t really want to do.
Of course nobody can really force you to do something you don’t want to do, but for the purposes of the rules we made in this world, let’s play with it.
It is a form of violence to force somebody to do something against their will. That goes for spanking children to invoke a sense of fear into them, that goes for manipulating your words and actions to have people adhere to do something you think you want them to do or get something you think you need out of them. That even goes for forcing yourself to be different as you are.
Why would you want to force yourself to be something you are not?
Why would you want to pressure ‘another’ to be different especially when ‘everyone’ is already doing their best?
I seem to despise being forced to do things, being told to do things or control my speech, and if I don’t I’ll be punished in some sort of way. Usually that just brings about rebelliousness or passive aggressive behavior. Ha, maybe that’s why I have some sort of kink for it. In the sexual realm, I must feel I have some sort of control over how it seems to unfold.
Anyways, most of these games we play are so subtle and not seen to the naked eye, it is behind an energetic front we put up. It’s these very subtle ways we try to control people or use them, whether it’s using seduction for sex or being nice to someone to get some food. It could even be investing into a long term friendship so you can have someone take care of you when you’re older.
What would happen if we allowed people to be as they were and not use them for something?
And I mean, truly, just love them as they are without any hidden agendas. Do you know how much of a gift that would be? To simply love the presence of another and not expect anything out of them? I feel as if that is a huge step towards actual connection rather than this weird energy exchange of “you give me this and I’ll give you that.”
I think we just convinced ourselves over numerous lifetimes that we need to ‘get’ stuff in the world, feeling this constant fear that something will go wrong if we don’t. The things we claim to be lacking or the cause of our upsets are only a set up for more. It takes all of ‘us’ to make this world appear solidified through our believing in false thought narratives, and it takes one of us to drop the act.
I’ve been enjoying letting people off the hook because it teaches my mind that I, too, can let myself off the hook. Making people feel guilty/shaming them will always have an opposite effect and bring about more of the same experiences, leaving one running in circles.
Forcing people to do things or act a certain way should not be a comforting thing to one’s mind, because well, for one, they are not being authentic and doing something out of their heart which will only build resentment and bring out patterns such as passive aggressiveness. And for two, why would we want someone to be doing something out of obligation? Really, take a moment to think about that.
Ask yourself,
Can I just watch and allow myself to flow away or towards people/things?
Can I give people the love I so much desire to have for myself?
How would I want someone to be with me in this situation?
I practice this tactic on people all of the time. When I think I want someone to clean up after themselves, for someone to be gentler with me, to be less sarcastic, to provide more emotional support, I take it as a red flag to my mind and stop the thoughts in their tracks.
Love does not mean putting up with shit, but it means looking at the child within that person being projected out of you and letting them know they are loved as they are. It is about seeing through their mask. It is about having the awareness and understanding that they don’t need to prove themselves to the world, not even to God (for God doesn’t even see this world). We are here to show the reflections of ourselves that they are allowed and deserving of relaxation. It doesn’t even need to be communicated through the speaking of words, it is just an acknowledgment through energy.
Peace is taught/practiced through you and only you. “Teach peace to learn peace. (ACIM)” It comes back to every person you see, every object you touch, every experience you have, for it is all being projected out of you.