This morning, Elian said we were going to have a “mindfulness meditation,” which meant spending time picking flowers and cotton balls to calm our minds. She walked me down a path, then showed me where I had to bushwhack to find the good ones. It was definitely my favorite part of this job and I always stretched it out as much as I could.
After I had come back from picking cotton balls, I walked in on Frank talking shit about me to Chip.
When he saw me, he barked, “There were two full trays of cups that weren’t washed because of you! Get on top of it!”
He didn’t even look into my eyes when he spoke the words. I forgot to breathe. I was deeply triggered because I knew I made sure every dish was washed before I went to bed as it gave me OCD knowing there would be one unclean utensil. Maybe there were dirty dishes from today, however I was scheduled to work in housekeeping so I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on in the kitchen. I felt if I wasn’t doing the job I was scheduled to do it might mean me getting yelled at by the chefs. I didn’t even get a chance to say anything since he stormed off.
I don’t know, it’s actually getting really hard for me. I ended up crying in the bathroom during my shift again. Lately I’ve really been in this stagnant kine energy, convinced that everyone hates me. I feel like McKenna is the only one who truly appreciates my presence along with the owners.
And so I did what I do best. I ran upstairs, grabbed my notebook, put on music and hid. I said hi to Rosa. She got up abruptly and left the room without having said a word. She’s been giving us the silent treatment for God knows what. I feel like I can’t retreat any further.
Is this the trade-off? Having what feels like an awesome job but having to deal with coworkers who seem to hate me?
