Mallory moved Rosa out of the room and put her in the house instead. Jasmine was now our new roommate. She happened to be the perfect fit since she also worked the same hours as me and we were closer in age.
Mallory stopped me this morning after I had mentioned that I was excited to see Ford tonight.
“Hey, do you… Are you an item with Ford? Like are you–?”
Catching what she was getting at, I said, “Oh, God, no. I don’t view him in that way, especially not because of the huge age gap. But he knows exactly where I stand.”
“Okay, I just like to look out for my girls.”
“That’s very kind of you, but it’s not like that. He’s been very respectful.”
I had a very efficient workday today. Of course my favorite part was going on a walk to collect cottonwood balls and cut fire weed flowers. Later, Ford picked me up and took me to the Nangoonberry Trail, as I liked to call it.
“Where is that ‘n’ coming in?”
He gets a kick out of how I pronounce certain words, especially finding enjoyment in the way I pronounce Gustavus. I add a Spanish kick to it, similar to the name Gustavo. Once I have the pronunciation of words set in my mind it’s nearly impossible for me to undo it. It’s usually because my Lithuanian gets mixed up with the English or from hearing the way my parents pronounce things in their accents and it sort of just sticks.
I asked Ford if I could hike alone and he said yes. Apparently I really needed it. The trail was easy and flat. Maybe it was a good thing there weren’t strenuous hikes around as I might re-injure myself. There were a bunch of little side trails so I checked out all of them, especially since the entirety of the trail was only 2 miles. I found a bench underneath a tree so I meditated on ACIM, then took another side venture to the beach.
It was the first time I touched sandy terrain like that since New Zealand. The trail was calling me more than ever before.
A little voice whispered, Soon.
I trusted it, although it was often hard for me to relax into the answer I was being given. I’ve always had a wandering soul and a longing to know, see, witness and experience, but oftentimes in a restless kine way. An insatiable longing, as if I always had to go, otherwise I’d lose my mind from being in one place with too much comfort at hand.
As I walked into the sinking sand and looked at the dark clouds being illuminated by the Alaskan sun, I felt grateful for my soul, and who I was as this character Goda, Freyja, whatever I wanted to call her. I am grateful for the courage I appeared to have to just go and follow the song of my heart no matter where it guided me. Only God knows the backlash I faced with living a different lifestyle. But at the same time, I was given the deepest comfort in my heart that let me know I was following my calling with Angels right beside me.
Ford took me back to his place and I gifted him a bracelet I had made him the other day when I had the intention of going to the library to write but happened to see a jewelry making session going on in a separate room. Upon witnessing my curious excitement, they welcomed me to join. I made Ford and I bracelets for Ghana, labeled ‘Zuri’ and ‘Dubu.’ Then, I made us jellyfish keychains using rubber fishing bait.
This evening, I joined Ford on the couch. He looked over the map of Ghana while I read more about the culture. My Dad called me in the middle of it and asked what I was doing.
“Figuring out a route for Ghana with Ford,” I said.
He became really triggered when he found out I was actually serious about going there.
“You’re naïve,” he said, and “this is bullshit,” followed by blaming me for suddenly being the cause of his upset.
I suggested we not talk about it as it was clear he was sensitive and I was set on going unless Spirit guided me elsewhere. Dad would continue to bring the topic of Africa up, despite getting all riled up about it. I attempted to walk him through the conversation gently but no real closure came out of it.
I know he is just scared for my safety and doesn’t move through the world in the way that I do. I move by tuning into what feels good/following my heart and he moves through logic. But what is logic? Who is to say that logic cannot be intuition, something that cannot be seen, only felt? Maybe not even that, but an actual knowing. I know that whatever occurs is what I need.
