Calvin and I left quite late to go climbing. It seemed they were fond of ascending in the dark or they just loved climbing and didn’t really care. We took a side trip so he could warm up on a climb called A Flake As Marvelous As You, Veruca. He made it look effortless, other than one spot where he was trying to find solid footing. I wanted to attempt it and knew I could ascend it, but today was not the day. I had a feeling I would be back someday soon.
We met up with the group with some new faces at a boulder called Carrot Top. It had a slight overhang so I already knew it would be difficult for me to even hold onto. I noticed a confusion arise when I noticed women in the group who appeared to have much more body fat. I couldn’t understand why they were so much stronger than me.
Still, I played around on it. I lasted no more than a couple of seconds on the rock but I noticed a drastic change in my personality. I talked to myself differently—in my mind and on the outside. I didn’t feel as if I needed to tell people I was new or deflect my skills by saying “I’m going to fall” or “I’m not going to make it.” Instead, I just tried my hardest with the understanding of where I was at on this journey which was ‘day 2.’
We went around and discussed how long we’ve all been rock climbing. It varied from 18 years to two months. They asked how long I have been at it.
“Yesterday was my first day.”
“She’s a thru-hiker,” Jaran said, “she hikes long distance trails around America.”
They couldn’t believe it. They made fun of themselves for having difficulty hiking from the parking lot to the bouldering spot which was less than half a mile.
“What you do is way cooler than any of this rock climbing stuff,” one of them said.
“Not even!” I argued.
To me, what they did was unreal and crazy cool. Funny how perspective worked.
Later, we moved to Monkey Hang which was a V3. I worked on the Totty Traverse right beside it. It was the hardest one I climbed yet as it required so much forearm strength that I didn’t have. Bouldering also seemed to require a lot of core engagement which I seemed to lack as well. My arms tired quickly from holding crevices and jugs. Still, I let out a big huff as I pushed and pulled myself up.
The group gathered with crash pads as I circumnavigated the boulder. They checked in often to see how I was doing when I struggled mentally/physically. A common thing I kept hearing was to slow down, to focus on my breath and look for my next move with caution. When I found myself in a difficult spot, that silence that enveloped my mind quickly followed. I was so hooked on it because everything that scared me in life, every trauma and fear I had faced suddenly became non-existent. All that was left was the present moment. The wind in my hair, the sound of my breath, the feeling of my warm chalked up hands pressing tight onto the cold rocks and the headlamp bringing light to my next move.
“This is so much fun,” I said, followed by, “I’m so scared.”
With guidance, I made it to the top where I did a happy dance. Tears filled my eyes.
“It was awesome!” I yelled.
I was falling in love, and I was falling hard.
