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Special Love Relationships, Everything is a Placebo Effect and Laughing at the Silliness of Illusions

She blew my mind with so many things that I had difficulty understanding. We talked a lot about how illusionary bodies were and to pay attention to the things I said. For instance, the term ‘we’ implied that there were others. Then, she crushed everything I ever knew about food. Just obliterated it. She said that everything in this world was a placebo effect, from food to essential oils to medicine.

Motorcycle Ride Down Pohoiki, La La Land and Expectations Being Put On Me

Was it that weird that I didn’t want to socialize? I truly wanted to be by myself. I felt guilty that I didn't want to be with my friends, but at the same time I didn’t want to feel forced into hanging out with people. Oh, I just need to take a breath. I have to accept that I can’t change what someone thinks and that it would be a waste of my own energy trying.

Demons/Entities Come From Your Mind, Fears of Not Being Enough and Feeling Through Past Pain

I had quite the journey on Saint Pedro. I was having an amazing trip, but Basil and Arrow kept freaking out because they couldn’t find their daughter, North. They started freaking out so intensely that most of the trip, they convinced themselves that the demons and evil spirits were attacking them. I honestly just couldn’t vibe with the entire situation. Lots of people at Cinderland believed in evil spirits/entities, but I just didn’t think those things truly existed. I felt that all there was is love and that we created our own reality, so if one thought there was negativity and evil spirits, that’s what they would manifest into their reality. Simple as that.

Sneaking into a Lava Tube, Nearly Fainting on Mauna Kea, Ivan Recognizing Psychotic Behavior and Pinky Promises to Stay in Love

I’m afraid of becoming my father. And I shouldn’t be. He’s psychotic. I’m afraid my brother might be, too. But I shouldn’t be afraid of that. He’s kind hearted and I know that to be true. But my father is guilty and he can’t acknowledge it, even to his own sons. He tried murdering my mother and I’m suspecting it’s something I needed to know. I spent 24 hours in jail to experience what he felt and I know his fear.

Lessons to be Learned, Asking Questions and Recognizing My Patterns

“Don’t just never talk to someone again just because you don’t vibe at all. You need to stay with what you’re feeling and allow yourself to learn something. For all you know, you’re playing a huge role in Ivan’s life right now. You could be teaching him love—something he may be unfamiliar with.”

Learning About Zodiac Signs, Mother/Daughter Energetic Tension, Taking a Life and Accepting Change

“You have to understand that people change. You change. You’re only hurting yourself by holding expectations. You made these expectations, only you. And now that it’s not unfolding the way that you want it to, you're under the assumption that something is wrong, but nothing is wrong. People just change. It’s like when you were a child and people kept coming to you saying, ‘My, look at how much you’ve grown!’ You, yourself, didn’t notice, but other people did. That stuff happens all the time, love. Don’t grow attached to it. Everything is all good.”

Free the Nipples, Tantric Threesome, Opening and Aligning our Chakras, Extreme Cuddling

Jimmy caught on to what we were doing and made a comment saying we were making him excited. He was caught off guard, but happily surprised.
He got some coconut oil, got behind Michael and began thrusting into him, joining us. It was all very playful. I saw Michael’s face transform, receiving an experience of pure bliss. The way they held me, kissed me, caressed me made me so open to receive the abundance of love they were giving. For the first time I realized what it was like to make love and feel oneness, to feel balanced in my body, mind and Spirit, to feel all of my chakras fully aligned.

Ecstatic Dance Experience, Jesus Reincarnated, Flow of Love in Pele’s Womb and Twirling Underneath the Ironwood Pines

We formed a huge cuddle session in the warmth of the water as if we were in Pele’s womb. We began to touch each other, massaging each other. I felt the love off of everyone. Everyone was kissing. Everyone was hugging. Boy to boy. Girl to girl. Boy to girl. I loved how they emitted their sexuality instead of trying to repress it. We released our sexual energy on one another. Everyone eventually left the pond, one at a time, leaving only Casey and I behind.

Sharing Toddy at Sirius Café, Reunited Through Billions of Past Lives, Body Rumbling with Laughter and Undeniable Connection

And so the conversation began. He looked like a mixture of Noah’s face, Joey’s body and Tarzan‘s hair. But his eyes—oh my God—his eyes. They had me hooked. His name was Michael Hayes.
He started talking about the duality of life and how we needed to experience the bad to understand the good. He compared it to being wired like a computer but that the negative thoughts we experienced were all invalid and coming from somewhere else because we were only love.
We would talk about life, the Universe, nature, everything! We were contradicting each other's beliefs and expanding each other's consciousnesses. He passionately started talking about love and I started to passionately fall in love. We both could feel that we had been through billions of past lives together just by looking into each other's eyes. I knew him.

Patterns and Music of the Universe, Finding Out What I Like, 100% Natural Woman

I have been wanting to be 100% natural, but I realized how caught up I had been in other people's perceptions all these years and how strongly I was going against my own intuition.
I have been so grateful to have been surrounded by such empowering women living the example of natural beauty. It helped me realize that I had NOTHING to be afraid of! If people liked me 100% natural, awesome. If they didn’t, awesome! I was okay with it either way. We all had preferences, but my preference was not to rip hairs out of my body anymore that have always belonged there. I found them cute. I don’t feel like damaging my body anymore and getting scars and ingrown hairs from it. Thank you Universe for allowing me to break free. I am so grateful.

What I Learned Through My First Ayahuasca Ceremony

I took a journey while tripping on Ayahuasca. I don't feel like the same energy I once was. My life feels as though it has shifted in consciousness. I felt God working through me. I understood energies, patterns and sacred geometry. I noticed I wasn't letting myself vomit because it felt like I was protecting my ego; I was scared but when I vomited, it didn't feel physical, but rather felt as though I was releasing old habits, fear and irrational thought.

Naked Yoga in Hawai’i, Feeling Energies and Vibrations, Octopus Bowl for a Lover

I am happy. I can truthfully say that I am happy at this moment. It’s funny. It feels as though I found this place before. It feels as though I have lived here before. Everything feels so natural. So second nature. When I got here, I got the sudden feeling as though I was saying “I’m back“ or “home, we meet again.“ What a fascinating phenomenon. I’ve been feeling energies and vibrations so much stronger.

Unnecessary Detour to the Emergency Room, Soggy Cereal, Hippies in a Crystal Shop and Energy Circle in a Pickup Truck

I felt as if I’ve been rolling on ecstasy and it has been too high of a peak, almost overwhelming. The past few days being in Hawaii, I’ve been feeling as though I overdosed on bliss. It has been beautiful, but also overwhelming.
I felt like a changed person after that experience. I have changed. I already know that when I come home I’m going to be crazy as heck. I’m going to be naked and I’m going to give people deep hugs. I’m going to give myself my all. Not for anyone else.

Feel the Love, Becoming Courageous and Releasing Excuses

Man, the only thing we need is to become courageous. Why are we so afraid to live a life that treats our soul with ease? Why are we afraid to think differently than how we were taught? Well, let me tell you, I'm far past being afraid and I continue to shine myself forward despite anything and anyone.

Leaving the Painland Behind, All Natural Women, Observing My Brothers and Sisters, Zodiac Signs and Reiki Healing

I can’t help but stare at people. One of my favorite things in the world is to watch human connection. I enjoy observing beauty. There is a drum circle happening at the moment and they’re singing a version of “Rivers of Babylon”. I feel like I’ve known these people all my life. I feel like I have found my long lost brothers and sisters and the question still ponders my mind.
What was I so afraid of?
What is everyone so afraid of?

Dining Room 4, Trent Sending Me Off with Memories and Understanding my Emotional Distance

Right after we finished, I said, “Get me a Coke.”
He goes, “I’ll bring it right out.”
I don’t know why I said that. I don’t even drink Coke.
I left without saying goodbye. It was funny. I found I had sex with these ‘fuck buddies’ very easily, yet when it came to people I truly liked I tremendously enjoyed learning how to kiss them and going through all those ‘awkward mistakes.’
Tomorrow, I fly out to Hawaii. Maybe going there will be good for me. Maybe I’ll learn how to move past this addictive feeling and maybe I’ll begin to understand why I have this emotional distance towards men.