Unintentionally Seductive, Ben Joining Us for the Last Stretch, Passing Through Different Realities, Why I Make the First Move and Covid is All Mental
I wrapped my arms around his neck then pulled him close into my body, hugging him goodbye for the meantime. How lovely, I didn’t know him a couple of days ago and now it felt I got lucky enough to catch a glimpse of such a mysterious man. Something about his reality passing through my own felt so otherworldly to me.
Kneeling Before His Feet, Losing Myself Through an Orgasm, Not Understanding My Place in the World and Trying to Find Comfort in My Sense of Brokenness
Oftentimes, I didn’t know my place in the world.
When I laid in bed alone, all of the noise in my mind came back, shooting their daggers of insecurity and unworthiness.
Did I say too much?
Did I overstep my boundaries?
Did I do it wrong?
Did he think little of me?
Did I scare him off by being too aggressive?
Who would want to be with me with this much rage?
With this amount of jealousy and pain?
With these amount of insecurities?
There I was again, feeling as if I had to be calmer and more in my feminine. I wondered, could I just be as I was and be loved regardless? Why did I find the apparent pain of others so beautiful and poetic but my own as demonic and ugly?
Sucking Off a German, Getting Rejected by an English Man and Getting Railed by a Ukrainian Dude—All in a Matter of 10 Hours
“Two fingers,” he whispered, rolling his r’s in that sexy European accent.
Normally I only wanted one finger, but I felt like being totally gone from the world that was in my mind so I allowed it. He made his way in, spreading me apart. One inch…two…finally, three. My eyes rolled back as I lost vision of my surroundings. I started pushing back but he grabbed me by the hips, pulling me closer and holding me down. The pulses in my body coursed through me… the pleasure felt unbearable.
I sat up and used the same force to take his hand out of my pussy, crying out in orgasmic bliss as I fell onto my back, gushing and heavily squirting all over him and the floor of his tent.
Insatiable Woman, Trace of Bloody Handprints, Surprise Trail Romance and Making Boys Perspire From Nervousness
I moaned in anticipation. I moved my hips toward my heels, then went to anxiously pull his cock out—but first, I noticed there was a faint light still on in the kitchen. I peeked around the corner to find there was someone just on the other side of the wall. I looked back at William and started to undo his pants.
Driving in the Wrong Lane, Te Anau Bird Sanctuary, Public Skinny Dipping with a Stranger and Diverting the Pain
It hurt like hell but I pulled him in closer, needing to be filled. The pain from him was nothing like the pain in my mind. I arched my back and felt my eyes grow wet. He turned my face around, I closed my eyes as he kissed me. His breathing rhythm picked up until he released his cum inside of me, pumping and throbbing his moment of pleasure into my soul. Maybe I could borrow that fleeting bliss for all time?
Pondering on Platonic Relationships, Desiring Something Deeper Yet Running Away From Connection, Top of the Line Fuck Buddy and Trusting in What I Cannot See
“Yeah, I know him very well,” I said.
She asked me to share stories of him and how we met. My heart was always full of joy to do so, yet also held an air of loss.
“Wow. You two could’ve been a power couple,” she said.
I’ve played that thought throughout my head one too many times. It was wishful thinking. I would ruin anything I would have had with him. I was better at being single and a top of the line fuck buddy than I was at keeping something like a relationship together. Still, the feeling of loss pondered my mind, but before I got too deep in thought, God whispered to me and let me know it couldn’t have been any other way. The situation was perfect as it was right now in order for me to be who I was today.
Assuming People’s Genders, Dusty Gravel Roads, Unintentional Heartbreaker and Letting Go of What Could’ve Been
What would it feel like to let go?
What would it feel like to not have the need to try to capture every person I met?
Although contradictory to my actions, I didn’t like who I became when I was clouded with lustful energy. It was as if when I was talking to people or on my walkabout, I wasn’t really ‘there.’ Not unless I chose awareness of my present surroundings, which I often didn’t if I felt sexually aroused.
Geeking Out Over Gear, Fergburger Experience, Reaching Han’s Threshold as I Secretly Finger Myself in the Back of Ben’s Car and Trail Magic in Frankton
There was enough room in the car so I had to sit next to him. For a second I was disappointed I wouldn’t be able to grind my ass over his cock, but then I thought I could just finger myself next to him, instead. I looked boldly into his eyes then slipped my hand into my shorts. He took a deep breath. I could tell he felt uncomfortable since we were sitting directly behind my friends, but he couldn’t hide the fact he wanted to watch.
Then, we trekked through the old Macetown which was an uninhabited gold mining settlement. It gave off a very eerie vibe, as if someone had recently died there. Along the trek, I met a guy with a Pink Floyd shirt so naturally I struck up a conversation with him for a bit. Finally, we made it down to civilization and went to the first café that we saw after I read they had ‘flat whites’ on the menu.
Hitching on a Mountain Top, First Time Eating a Pistachio, To-Die-For German Accents and Subtle Energy Plays
I stood up and stepped over his leg, gently brushing my heel up against his thigh while checking him out slowly. I was very delicate, subtly letting him know through physical touch that I wanted to feel more of him. He didn’t feel intimidated in my space whatsoever, not once jumping back or moving away from any of my advances. If anything, he moved closer, pushing in on my space.
Man’s Dream of Moving to Illinois, Hiker Tan, Lenses Invoking a Sense of Worry and Feeling Grateful for My Country
“It’s an entirely different experience to view things from the eyes of a tourist versus the eyes of someone who lives there,” she said.
Pretending to Be a Day Hiker, In Awe of Invasive Flowers, ‘That Wanaka Tree’ and Sneaking a Scene with the Married Silver Fox Man
Along the way I was entertained through people naturally being as they were. Construction workers sang songs in sync as they worked on building the roof of a new house. An elderly couple struggled to wipe down their wet and muddy dogs with a towel before they were allowed in the car. Two little girls walked by, soaked to the bone from having had accidentally fallen into the river. There were couples sunbathing in their barely nothing swim attire in the middle of a public place, a random dude sleeping in a tree, three other dudes knocked out by the lake. Camper vans were set up cooking barbecue for the family and tourists took pictures of eucalyptus trees (myself, included).
Rainbows in Lake Hawea, Sexual Implications Towards a Married Man, Decalcifying Our Pineal Gland, and Seducing a Matthew McConaughey Lookalike
He looked like Matthew McConaughey except with heavier bags underneath his eyes and curlier, thicker hair. His skin was dry and dirty. His shirt had stains on it, nearly looking like pure hiker trash. He took an under glance at me then pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. He casually looked away from me as he exhaled small puffs of smoke, grabbing the cigarette nonchalantly between his fingers. My knees grew a bit weak.
That’s the one, I thought to myself.
Exposed Country Roads, Howling With the Wind, Yogi’ing a Sandwich from a Day Hiker and Lenses Being Crazy
It was still early when I made it to the hut and I realistically could have pushed on to the road, but what was the rush? I met a day hiker from Invercargill who had come down from the pass because her fiancé had lost his phone, this being the fourth time she could recall. I decided to make food while she stared out the window in hopes of seeing him come down from Breast Hill. My dinner of choice was the usual white rice with butter and no salt. It was bland, but I was so hungry that it didn’t matter.
Ahuriri River Crossing, Happy Surprise Skinny Dipping and Making a Macramé Plant Holder at Top Timaru Hut
“Do you…” he began to ask me something, but at that point his cock was about 2’ away from my face and I was moments away from grabbing at it.
"Hello? Freyja?” he asked, waiting for my response as he tasseled his hair.
“Oh w-what? I’m sorry. I got distracted,” I said, acting coy and intimidated by his presence when I was anything but.
Real Life Horror Movie, Lenses Finding Out Freyja is a Very Bad Girl, Moist Hikers Out of a Fuckboy Magazine and Getting Rammed by the Bartender
“Freyja,” Lenses whispered.
“Mm,” I moaned with my face muffled into the pillow.
Lenses woke up feeling anxious, saying she thought there was someone outside. “Did you maybe make plans with bartender?” she asked.
“No I didn’t, it’s probably for someone next door,” I said.
She opened the curtain and flashed her light outside. “Oh!” she gasped as a man ducked and shielded his eyes from the bright light. “Bartender,” she whispered.
“Fuck, goddamnit,” I said.
I knew this was my problem to fix. I grudgingly got out of bed, wearing only a shirt and my black panties. With sleepy eyes, I opened the balcony door. He apologized for waking us and for basically acting like a dick all day, explaining that his girlfriend was there and that he hoped I understood.
I closed the door behind me. “All good,” I said.
“I had to come see you,” he said.
“So you could fuck me before I leave?” I asked.
Hitchhiking to Twizel for Tramily Reunion, Devil Meets the Devil, Falling into the Bartender’s Pants and Stargazing on the Floor at Lake Ohau Lodge
Hmm, which character do I want to play today? I thought to myself, Let’s try ‘damsel in distress.’
“Can you walk me to my room?” I asked, “I’m lost and can’t find it on my own in the dark.”
He appeared nervous in that moment, but didn’t hesitate to walk me. I asked what his plans were for the rest of the night.
“I’m actually on my way to see my girlfriend for an event,” he said.
“Sounds fun,” I said, ignoring the part where he mentioned he had a girlfriend.
He walked me to the edge of the driveway of where my building was. My room was still a few steps further.
“Can you please walk me the rest of the way?” I asked.
“I want to,” he said, “but this is as far as I think I should go.”
He was breaking at the seams, just needed to push him a little bit more.
“I would love it if you did,” I said. “You seem like you’re fun.” I pinched at his hip.
“You seem like you are, too,” he said, then took another nervous hit of his cigarette. “That’s the problem.”
He put it out then led the way to my doorstep. I stepped inside onto the carpeted floor and he started to follow but stopped again, choosing to stay on the other side of the glass door.
“Well aren’t you going to come in?” I asked as I tilted my head gently, now enveloped by the darkness of the room.
Ripping the Veil, Orange Quitting the Trail, Miss Sophia Inviting Me to Her Bed and Officially Alone in a Different Country
It seemed I kept receiving a perception of pissing men off for not being a certain way. A man would claim he was head over heels for me, wanting to develop something more to which I wouldn’t. I would be some sort of Angel or Goddess in their eyes, that was up until they walked in on me deep throating some random stranger. Then the veil would be ripped off. That’s how my life went.
Stag Saddle High Point, Unable to Keep the Devil at Arms Length, Pulled by a String of Sexual Impulse and Taunted by Theo’s Cock
He studied me with naughty thoughts running through his mind that were written all over his eyes. We walked down to the base of the river, wearing only my wool socks, I felt the soft dusty dirt clouding beneath my steps. I felt like a little girl sneaking out of my room to meet up with a stranger, strictly led by impulse.
He perched himself on a dry rock in the middle of the river then watched as I got undressed. I didn’t break eye contact with him nor did I retreat/hide my naked body. I made it known I wanted to be watched.
I normally said no to video interviews or podcasts since it felt very intimidating for me and not as intimate. Something about the camera being on me when I was fully clothed and trying to be professional seemed nearly impossible for me. Still, I went through with it. I definitely butchered it through stuttering and the inability to look into the camera, let alone the girl behind it.
Impulsive Purchases, Subway Sandwiches on Trail, Henry the Spider and Witnessing What Kind of Men Could Be Available to Me
“It energetically reminds me of where I took Ayahuasca in Peru,” I said.
“Ya ever think you’ll do it again?” Orange asked.
“I’m open to it,” I said, “I feel like I would only do it if something really drastic in my life happened and I was really struggling to see my way through it.” I took a bite of the noodles he made and pondered. “I’m honestly surprised I didn’t do anything drastic after everything that apparently happened with Voodoo this summer. Instead, I just cried it out and felt through it. At this point in my life I feel like I have a lot of tools in my box to use when I’m going through something like that.”
Natural Menstrual Pads, Handstands While Hitchhiking, From Atheist to a Believer and Hiker Trash Explosions in Shitty Motel Rooms
Eventually we got picked up by a young search and rescue guy who worked in the local area. He said he got called to do a rescue about 5 times a week!
“How many of them are American?” Orange asked.
“You know, not many. A lot of ‘em are from the Philippines,” he said. “They go out into the mountains and are unaware of how suddenly the weatha can shift, then they get caught up in it with not much of experience of navigating. They’re often not wearin’ the correct attire, eitha.”
“It’s not going to make a difference, it’s really not that far of a walk,” Orange said, “it’s only like 4 miles tomorrow.”
“That’s so far,” I said, “I don’t want to hike at all tomorrow if I have that option right now.”
“Well, I don’t want to hike down there right now, it’s too far,” he argued.
“No it’s not,” I combatted, “it’s only like four miles.”
He put his chin down and peeked from over the rim of his sunglasses giving me an intense under stare. “I focking hate you right now,” he said.
I preferred being my weird, silly self instead of the sexual Goddess. Energetically, it felt more honest to be such like a child, ceasing to care what I looked like but rather to feel every moment. In seduction, there was none of that. I found myself putting a lot of mental thought into what I would say/do in the midst of seducing someone, which took me directly out of the present moment.
We walked through the candy isle where we were able to choose and fill our own bags. I opened the bin to try some that looked appealing and Orange backed away from me.
“I’m not with you right now. I do not know you,” he said, “this is not America, Goldie. You can’t just take candy from the bin and eat it.”
“Well that’s what my mom and I used to do,” I said, “I mean how else will you know if you like it or not?”
I walked around the store poking at the squishiest of things for fun. Orange got us a big tub of mint ice cream and we ate it while we waited for our tramily to finish buying film for their cameras.
Altering My Behavior, Clogging the Ice Cream Machine, Burnouts on Scooters and People Getting Offended Over Hypothetical Scenarios
So, we all made our way to the ice cream truck before continuing. Orange ordered mint chip. The young girl in charge of making it added two mint cookies into the blender which caused it to clog and break. She had to take several minutes to deep clean everything and start over. It nearly broke again on her second try.
“Okay,” she said while wiping the sweat off her brow. “What would you like?” she asked me.
“Mint chip,” I said.
Sheep Escaping the Herd, Wide Open Road Walks, Hitching into Methven and My Mother Experiencing a Sliver of Hope
Nowadays, I found I barely even smiled when I dated someone. I laughed a lot when I met someone new, but it wasn’t real. It was only ever to get his dick. To me that was a red flag. I needed humor. I wanted someone I could laugh with, and I mean really, genuinely laugh. What a gift that would be.
Difficult Conversations, Wanting to be Invisible, Swallowing My Sorrow, Fragile Hearts and Shitty Pancakes
My vision blurred with hot tears as I let out a breath of despair. “I’m sick of it,” I spoke softly, “I’m sick of trying again and again, opening up to a man only to have him run away from me once he gets to know me.” I swallowed my sorrow, stood up and took a step back to look at the heart then went to grab some lichen to make a bolder outline. To finish it off, I found thick beige colored sticks and made rays of light around the heart. As I looked at it, I saw my own heart—open and inviting, shining and whole—most of all, fragile… just waiting for people to step all over it.
Messages from the Holy Spirit in a Nighttime Dream, Hiker Brain, Šikšnosparnis at the Bealey Hotel and Faking Road Walks
I had dreamt that I deleted my OnlyFans which was an inspiring perception to receive. I felt I was being gifted with the Holy Spirit’s sight in the dream. He showed me that I would be okay without it and that it was silly to think otherwise. I was shown a timeline of what it would be like letting go of it and received help in understanding that it wasn’t the source of true wealth. At one point, I wanted to use it as a tool to express myself, but lately I’ve been wondering what that even means. I’ve been getting drawn away from feeling as if I needed to use my body to get money.
Turning Around on Trail, Czech Santa Claus, Getting Kicked Out on Christmas Day and Cowboy Camping in a Chapel
He sat in front of us, put his hands together in prayer as if trying to solve a problem.
“I-I-I’m sorry, but who ze fuck are you people?” he asked us in a thick European accent.
It was clear he was upset. I tried remembering the Czech girl’s name as best I could. “Oh, we’re friends of Krissa’s," I said.
“Mm, ah-huh, and how do you know her?” he interrogated.
“Well, you see, we just met,” I said, “she had seen us hitchhiking and invited us—“
“Wait. So let me make sure I’m hearing dis correctly. You ah hitchhikers?” he asked then moved his body into an upright position, clearly upset by our answer.
Christmas Eve in the Rain, Three Point Bridge, Chain Link Choker Necklace and Trouble Seeing Through Moments of Discomfort
The experience also showed me to take a breather and simply communicate that I was feeling out of Spirit because truthfully, the feeling of overwhelm had nothing to do with him. Everyone in my group was experiencing the same feeling of cold and wet discomfort, they just weren’t expressing it outwardly. Sometimes I wished I could see through those moments faster, as I knew projecting the sadness wasn’t helping nor did it add any kind of benefit to the situation.
Shockwaves, Thru-hiking Being an All Day Slapstick Comedy, Natural Hot Springs and Tending the Crackling Fire
“I got hit!” Lenses said several seconds later.
“What?!” I shouted, realizing I almost shocked my own self. “How did it feel?!”
“It wa like pow!” she exclaimed while gesturing her hands in an explosive manner. “I tink I blackout. I don’ know fo how long.”
We walked around and discovered a small patch of someone’s farmland. We put our forearms on the wooden handrails of the fence and looked at the sheep lounging around in the grass. I absolutely loved being surrounded by vast mountain ridges in places I had never been with people I didn’t quite know.
Uptight Personality, Personal Space Being a Luxury, Butterfly Man Giving Life Advice and Gratitude for Taking a Step Forward
As we were walking home together, I felt happy. I thought of Voodoo, I thought about how exhausted I felt this summer. I thought about the sadness in my eyes and the depletion of energy I felt. And today, I felt grateful that I had a full smile and eyes watering from so much joy. Instead of wiping tears of sadness from my face, I was wiping tears of happiness. I felt grateful I was surrounded with good people and that I was simply feeling good again. That in itself was a huge blessing and I was all of a sudden willing to take it day by day.
I made out images through the mist of barn houses with horses running around and naked trees that appeared as dancing sculptures. Seagulls flew at eye level then swooped down to the daisies alongside the country road. And, although not walking on sand, the energy of the area reminded that of the Oregon Coast.
Climbing Over Waiau Pass, Terrible Cinematography Visions, Playing Out Fantasies and Low on Food but High on Life
The climb was difficult, however we paced ourselves very well, taking breaks often to look back at the view behind us which turned more magnificent each time we ascended a few feet. The clouds were nearly melted away and what was shown were massive mountain peaks, some of which had snow scattered throughout the peaks. Below, the lake appeared crystal clear and reflective, not a single ripple to be seen in the water. The streams flourished out of the edges as if it were mother earth’s veins kissing the foreign land.
Breakfast Club in West Sabine Hut, Dangerous Water Crossings on TA, Learning New Languages and Cold Plunging in Blue Lake
I made sure to get undressed in front of him as I changed into dry clothes, returning the favor of when he took his shirt off in front of me.
I sat by the fire as I attempted to get warm. I got to talking with him and asked him to say something in Italian for me. He said something naughty, I knew it, because as he was speaking he was simultaneously fucking me with his eyes. He smiled and blushed while I stared at him intensely, as if he knew he just got caught in the act of being dirty.
“My turn,” I said with a mischievous smile.
I found myself laughing again because I could see the power play of the ego and how it hooked me so well. Most importantly, that I let it. The truth was, most people out on trail today were having a super shit time. Most people were hiking alone in the cold, wet rain and it was very challenging mentally. Crying about it, once again, had shown me that it wouldn’t change the circumstance itself. I had no control over the weather conditions, but I could choose to pray for peace of mind.
Hiker Trash Intermingled With Bougie People, Poopy Smell of New Zealand, Stargazing by the River and Stepping in Pee
I continued with my mission of taking a piss so I squatted down right beside the tent.
Eventually Orange crawled out to go pee, too, and accidentally tripped and yelled, “Aw fock! I most definitely just stepped in your pee!”
I laughed out loud to the stars and said, “Now this is the most accurate representation of what camping is really like.”
When it came time for dessert, I asked the manager if he could make a hot fudge brownie sundae dessert. He said no and that it was an “ice cream sundae.”
I asked if I could have a sundae with a fudge brownie on the side and he goes, “No, ya can have what’s written on the menu with a tall side of shut the fock up.”
The room roared with laughter. He was really giving it to me hard. Jax and I wondered if he was gay.
When he left I said, “I think he is because my powers don’t work on gay men. They usually see straight through my shit.”
“Your powers?” he asked.
As Jax began eating again, he accidentally dropped some food on his inner thigh, very close to his cock.
As he went to grab it, I said, “Lemme help you get that.” I insinuated my body getting on my knees, implying I wanted to pick it up with my mouth for him.
Walking the Riverbed, Fleeting World, Eating Pieces of Chalk and Self Sabotaging for a Quick Fantasy
Today, I received insights about how important it was not to idolize the world. There was no safety in something that was so fleeting. There wasn’t a such thing as true Love here. True unconditional Love was only experienced in Reality through God. It wasn’t to be looked at as something that was depressing, but quite the contrary. It brought comfort to my mind to know that only that Love could be supplied from the Creator. I could rest assured with the awareness that the experience of a body in a world could flow by with ease, for it was nothing more than dust passing in the wind.
Spiritual Journey with Orange Man, Skinny Dipping in the Valley, Struggles I’ve Been Facing and Rebelling Against the Mainstream Flow
“I feel insecure that I won’t ever meet someone who could adhere to the things I desire in a relationship and that I will continuously be perceived as the woman who asks for too much,” I said, “I feel insecure that maybe I am asking for too much and that I keep trying for something that doesn’t exist.”
I became childlike in my demeanor. I pulled my legs into my chest, expressing that I felt closed off and uncomfortable in my body.
“It would be nice if I could just be open with men and not have them use those things against me,” I expressed.
I had a romantic fantasy of how I wanted things to be, yet sometimes when I looked back on my past I felt as if I only had a string of shitty, broken relationships that led to a dead end. All I apparently ever wanted was that ‘happily ever after' that was just… simple. I became teary eyed as I reminisced of past hurt while simultaneously longing for true love.
I gulped down the sorrow and said, “Ready for the climb?”
Blinded by Lust, Eating a Handful of Dirt, Trail Becoming Technical, Near Death Experience and Blister Bandage Packages Being the New Spork
The dirt and rocks caused him to start slipping down the cliff. He grabbed hold of a flimsy tree and started crawling his way back up, beet red in the face by the time he made it up. His body bruised and his legs bleeding. I started laughing hysterically, that crazy kine laughter where I was actually scared shitless.
“I don’t want to die today,” I said through clenched teeth.
Life Giving Breath at the Summit, Smoking a Joint on Mount Rintoul, Grounding in Rabbit Poop and Shifting into Truth
I had a hard time enjoying the views for the better part of the morning because of it, but once I made it to the summit, I realized how nothing could capture this. Not National Geographic through the highest definition television, nor writing a book that gave the most detailed description of rock faces and mountain crevices. The raw undergoing of the actual physical adventure itself was the ultimate experience. For the individual person to walk it with their own two feet, to burn through the pain, to conquer the thoughts that were telling them to turn around and go to a cozy and safe place, instead. The inner goal was to push those thoughts aside and make it up a climb that was very technical and challenging, all just for the moment of having the mountain air kiss their rosy cheeks and for the life giving breath one received reaching the summit.
Walking the Stream, Magic Medicine Banned in NZ, Melting Away Past Thoughts and Cherishing a Friendship
“It’s banned in my country,” he said.
“Why?” I asked, “isn’t it all natural?”
“Yes, exactly,” he said, “it has so many benefits. It curbs your appetite, takes the soreness away from your muscles, uplifts your mood, gives you clarity of mind—and, it’s natural. The government wouldn’t make any money off of that.”
I was sold. I took it the way Orange would take it which was by dumping a scoop into my mouth and swallowing it with some water. It tasted terrible and I nearly coughed it up.
Twenty minutes in, all and any of the pain I previously experienced in my legs immediately dissipated. It was better than any over-the-counter drug I took.
Luxury Huts, Making Amends, Trail Magic From Angus and Queen Elizabeth Making His Own Calendar Year Triple Crown
I learned so much from being alone, I came to recognize that every time. There was no one there to watch me if I fell. There was no one to save me if it came down to it. Something about knowing there was someone just around the corner or in my general vicinity took the main excitement away from me. I noticed the way solitude time helped me grow mentally in my day to day life as well. It helped teach my mind that I was capable of surpassing what I considered obstacles with the simplicity of having faith in myself.
We Are Dreamers, Love Lockets on the Pelorous Bridge, Entering the Richmond Ranges on a Death Device and Emerald Pool Siesta
“We are dreamers. When you’re sitting around a crackling bonfire and you look up at the stars, you find you will dream. We humans dream just the same, regardless of the different cultures we come from.”
Shuru Connecting Us with Topaz, Lessons Learned from Living on the Road, Wisdom of the Elderly and Cities Dumbing People Down
“I know what you mean about feeling like it’s hard for you to come back into civilization after tramping,” he said, “when you’re on trail, you’re constantly planning out your safety through small things such as where your water source will be or how to conserve your energy so you don’t burn out. You’re planning out how to cross a river safely and watching your foot placement for where you step so you don’t roll your ankle. You’re feeling the change in weather patterns and checking out if your camping space is secure. Every little thing is being subconsciously planned out, you’re making all these quick decisions and mental notes in every moment all throughout the day. And then you come back into civilization and everything is already planned out for you. There are signs for everything. Stop here, slow down there, turn here, buy food here. You don’t really have to think, or at least not as much, and your body kind of goes into this state of shock because it’s so used to thinking for itself and doing everything on its own. You’re so used to using your brain on trail throughout the day and when you come back to civilization and you don’t have to, it’s sort of like this internal battle. It’s a way to dumb you down.”
The tall grasses in front of us were covered in dew droplets and reflections of the two of us. I took a breath. I knew both of us could feel the tension in the air. I desperately wanted to speak what was on my mind. I felt scared, yet the longing to be ready for the ‘hard conversations’ was stronger than my fear of them. I felt into the truth—that I was only speaking to myself.
We made it down to the small village of Anakiwa. We road walked a little bit. There were water sports programs occurring as we trekked alongside the water, young students practicing how to kayak and row in the water. Young teenagers threw rounded rocks into the sea and watched as the water rippled.
Messenger of the Gods, Struggle with Binge Eating, Questioning the Intentions of the Government and Tent Collapsing Part 2
I was living in two separate worlds. It was as though I was watching a movie of the character ‘Goda’ play out nonsense while my higher self desired for me to have something deeper. It was as though I had a vision of how I wanted my future to look, similar to that of Little House on the Prairie, yet I was watching as I finished playing out the patterns first—sex, the unhealthy mind games, the idolization of my body, while simultaneously trusting that there was something great beyond all that meaninglessness. It was as if I was allowing myself to walk through the storm with the knowing I would come out bearing gifts. I was not out of place in any way, despite the way the perception made it look as if it often carried chaos and heaviness. Beneath it was Heaven. Through it was clarity.
Taking a Ferry to Ship Cove, Waving Goodbye to Civilization, Demon Chickens and Stingrays, Reunited with Too Clean
The mountains grew superimposed with a blueish grey haze. The sun casted a heavenly ray into the sea, shining its white light upon the mountain ridges. The rays glistened a golden glow onto the shimmering sea as a boat in the distance made its way towards us.
White Pebbled Heart, Hitchhiking to Picton, Sky-scraping Pine Tree and Connecting with Fellow TA Hikers
We chose a spot that had a heart drawn out with white pebbles. We laid down on the rounded grey rocks that were being kept warm by the sun. After some time, I lifted my head up to the view of the waves gently crashing into the shore. A woman was laying down on her back reading a book and a couple behind us was sitting on the bench cuddled up. Romance was in the air.
Right before he dropped us off in Kaikōura, he pointed to a whale watching tour agency and said, “Get ya boyfriend back there to pay to take you out on a helicopta ride so you can fly out and see the whales."
I turned around to Orange and shot him a smile. Both of us blushed and didn’t say anything.
We arrived to Kaikōura and walked around the local area. We saw backpackers/travelers come off the buses, there were seagulls flying around the vicinity and mountains surrounding the area. We went towards the sea and plopped down on the rounded rocks just above the shoreline.
Scooter Ride Through Christchurch, Establishing Self Awareness, Sudden Sandstorm and Hiker Pack Explosion
“What does Te Araroa mean?” I asked.
“The Long Path,” he said.
“What inspired you to do it?”
“My life was shit. I was always drawn to the wilderness but I never had the courage to just go. Until one day I did.”
Off to New Zealand, Needle in a Haystack, Reunited with Orange Man, Lost Baggage and Heavy Duty Packs
It was a quick flight into Christchurch where Orange was meeting me. We ended up arriving 20 minutes early. I walked out the gate and spotted him immediately in his bright new Orange barefoot shoes. I ran in for a hug and both of us were in shock. All we could say was “woah.” Our faces flushed and our eyes were wide.
“I can’t believe you’re actually here!” he said.
“I can’t believe I’m here, either!” I exclaimed.
We caught up lightly as I waited for my baggage to show up on the belt. The belt stopped moving. The baggage didn’t arrive.