About five days ago, I noticed I started vibing with the AT group a lot. I ended up crushing on this one guy named Pyro. There was a moment he was walking/leading the group and the sunset hit his face so nicely and he said hi and I melted inside.
Later, I got to Julian and got my free pie and as he was leaving, he asked me what my name was and what language I was speaking and I felt all these butterflies cause I could feel his energy and his underlying intentions and I began to feel riled up. But soon afterwards, I experienced this intense guilt, that made me think about Fox. I thought about how honest and loving he was towards me and here I was, beginning to play out the pattern. I intuitively felt I was going to meet someone on the PCT, yet at the same time, I didn’t know Fox yet when I made the plan to hike it… Conflicting thoughts were arising. It was also interesting to witness how the lustful thoughts seemed to disappear soon after Pyro was out of my presence.
I did experience a rough patch before I decided to go to Julian. I broke down about half a mile before my destination and just bawled my eyes out. I called Fox for some moral support and cried. I felt in an absurd amount of physical pain. I felt like I was dragging myself rather than walking.
I met a sweet lady under the bridge who gave me a shakedown and I was able to drop 5 pounds, so that was incredibly helpful. After that, Silly Moose told me to hitch to Julian and said that it was easy. I found myself feeling emotionally uneasy as I was hitching. I stood on the side of the road and no one picked me up for about five minutes, and then I began to cry again… Shortly after, I saw Silly Moose walking on the trail and he smiled and waved, saw me crying. He asked if I was OK and I said no. he asked if it would help if he hitched with me and I said yes. As he approached me, he asked if I wanted a hug and I said yes and just experiencing that human compassion was the most healing feeling in the world. I felt so loved. I told him how I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed because I keep trying to push on despite the pain, yet other people are doing 30s. And he just interrupted me as if to stop my thought vortex and said, “It doesn’t matter. Hike your own hike. Those people are gonna get injured and will have to take days off, just don’t worry about everyone else.” #trailangel
So, when I ended up calling Fox crying, he asked if I wanted him to fly into Cali the next day and I excitedly said yes. I hiked 27 miles that day just so I could see him as soon as possible.
He picked me up and he got us an Airbnb. It was such a divine little room, I felt so so happy. We went to a burger place and I devoured my plate along with his. I felt so much gratitude, despite being in absolute pain and barely being able to walk. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It was great, because we had to rush to get to the restaurant because it was closing soon, so we decided to have sex later… But, I ended up giving him a blow job in the car because he looked so sexy in his beanie and then I told him to pull over because I couldn’t wait any longer. We had a hot and steamy quickie in the backseat of his rental.
During the car ride back home, I ended up passing out on him. I cannot begin to explain how at peace I felt. I felt cozy and at home, like a child.
The next morning I got a massage booked and I felt so good. He even gave us some aloe! So, I’m not sure how this idea came along, but we both decided he could hike the PCT with me for a small section. I thought about it and I felt really motivated by the idea. He even said he would carry my pack for the time being. So, the next morning, we began. I was really grateful that he got a chance to meet all of my friends at the Community Center and I’m also glad his mind became more at ease. It was always worse in your own mind—creating stories and what not.
It was the most adorable thing watching him put his pack on for the first time. I saw myself in him a lot! So, the hike began. I felt so free without the pack on my back. I felt as if I could run a marathon. I still found myself rushing, just wanting to get to Paradise Valley Café.
He always reminded me to slow down, though. I felt myself constantly moving in and out of this competitive mentality… Of all the people in front of me and all the people behind me. I will say, I loved stopping at all the towns because it felt as though I got to experience these places a bit more personally. All of a sudden, I felt a lot more in touch emotionally and spiritually to the state of Cali, when at first, I didn’t have much care for it. I was sort of indifferent… So, Fox had hiked several miles with my 50 pound pack. I thought it was the most adorable thing watching how sweaty he got… it turned me on a lot. By the end of the first night, we cowboy camped under the stars, shared some deep conversations, and made love loudly with the Universe and the cosmos!!
The next night camping was pretty hysterical because at our campsite we experienced stepping on some spiky things. They looked like cork screws and got lodged into our skin. Afterwards, we threw my rain fly over the sleeping bag because I was too lazy to set up the tent and there were mosquitoes SWARMING us. The way we set everything up just looked hilarious. Next time I’ll remember to take a picture.