September 11, 2019

Often times when I meet guys who know me from Instagram, I get this perception that they see me as a very sexual girl who will want to hook up with them. I get pretty triggered cause I find myself wanting to inspire people & have them see the innocence/art when I post nude pictures. Sometimes, I even find myself using a nude photo just to capture peoples attention so they could take in the words of the caption… but I find I’m not so interested in doing that anymore… why do I feel like I have to “get” peoples attention through being naked? Why can’t we be JUST as captivated by a photo of a tree or a bird? I experience a heavy feeling in my heart when I meet someone in person who follows me on social media & begins to make blunt sexual remarks, tells me the things they want to do with me, & begins to get handsy with me. I do experience uncomfortable feelings of being objectified, yet lately I HAVE been seeing these moments as perfect opportunities to set my boundaries & communicate my intentions, but it becomes challenging when it feels like my words go unheard. Why does it seem like I have to be “mean” or “loud” to get people to hear me? Why can’t it just be communicated & respected, period… On another note, I can see where I still care about the perceptions people have of me & how badly I want to change the way people view things rather than just allowing everyone to be where they’re at. Everyone is having the perception THEY need to have for their own insights & healing process.