(X-rated) June 1-2 2023, Harper’s Ferry (Poramic River) to Pine Knob Shelter:
Yesterday, we took a zero day. Early in the afternoon we went to the library, because it was one of Voodoo’s fantasies to get fucked in one. When we got there, I did a walk around and said it wasn’t possible. It was too exposed and the employees were already on our asses from the moment we walked in.
“We look like trouble,” Voodoo said.
So, we sat there and jokingly planned out an escape route in case we did go through with it and got caught. As we were talking about it, I grew excited at the very idea and figured why not take a risk.
Voodoo sat in the leather seat like a king, waiting on me to treat him like one. I sat on the foot rest and slowly started feeling him up. I licked his fingers, mimicking the way I sucked on his cock.
Slowly, I slid my hand up his knee… towards the inside of his thigh… teasingly touching his balls with my fingertips. He gently thrusted his hips into me, inviting me to go further. I could see he was hard for me.
He pulled his cock out over his shorts and my mouth drooled over the idea of being so close to getting to taste him. He pulled out his camera as I excitedly wrapped my mouth around his cock. He was rock hard in my mouth, veiny and dripping with pre-cum. I spat on it, getting it extra lubricated, then jerked him off while I made eye contact with him and bit my lip. My gaze was sultry, pleading for my pussy to get penetrated. I continued to go down on him secretly in public as he kept looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was coming.
“Sit on me,” he said.
“I can’t,” I said, “they’re going to see me.”
“Fucking sit on it,” he demanded.
I smirked. I loved submitting to his every wish. We both moved our shorts to the side. He pulled his rod out while I exposed my bloody pussy. Like a good little girl, I sat on his raw hard cock, riding him just the way he wanted me to. It was so incredibly hard for me to focus. I had to remind myself to close my mouth so it wouldn’t look like I was desperately wanting to moan.
Voodoo carefully watched my face as I was on the look out. I felt him grow in my pussy, getting so undeniably turned on by the thrill of our scene. He watched my face flush red as I took him all the way in. My body was bathing in an intense feeling state of euphoria.
I sat deeper on his cock the more I saw people walk by. They were only 15’ away from us and the book shelves were barely blocking us. At moments, I hopped off his dick and started laughing because it was such a close call. We were only seconds away from cumming when someone walked by just a couple of feet away from us, so we quickly got out of position as not to get caught.
Later, Voodoo and I walked to the gas station so I could satiate my moon cycle cravings with some chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. Then, we hung out with Hippie and his friends on his grassy lawn. His friend Fungi was into cosplay and had a Superman suit that he had made so he showed it off for us. He kept talking about putting it on, but never did. I was dying to see the way Voodoo would look in the suit, but it never unfolded to him putting it on, either.
The following morning, we got back on trail. It was hot as balls, felt like 100°F. Eventually, we made it to Pine Knob Shelter and ran into Whitman. There, we chatted about the art of cinematography and old school movies. He suggested we watch Eraserhead.
When Whitman left, I worked on my writing next to Voodoo and the one time I looked over at him, he was checking out a couple of lesbian girls’ pictures on his Instagram. I felt a huge jab, as if a sharp and physical energetic stabbing occurred in my heart. It was a blow to my nervous system and I had to sit up and catch my breath.
In an emotional reaction, I said, “I think it’s time for me to hike alone, again.”
At first, he didn’t understand what I was upset about and that, in itself, seemed to piss me off even further. I explained how it just wasn’t attractive to me seeing a man with social media, due to reasons like that. It was a deal breaker for me.
I explained how on my Facebook, I was very conscious of what I took into my experience. I didn’t have shirtless dudes showing up and if I did, I would just delete them. Nor did I want to see things that were really sexual, even when I was single.
For the meantime, while I still used FB, I preferred to only see pictures of nature and quotes about God and ACIM. Men having Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat were automatic deal breakers for me. Although silly to some, I wasn’t open to nor able to take the next step into a committed relationship if that was the case.
As per usual, in this situation that seemed to repeat in my life, he explained why he stared at the picture for so long as if thinking that would excuse the whole situation. I basically said it was fine and that my goal wasn’t to change his perspective or the things he was into, but I brought up that if the roles were reversed and I saw a half naked dude on my screen, my first reaction would be to delete the person or scroll on.
He felt so triggered by me getting upset that he threw his phone, hitting it against the other side of the shelter wall.
Hm, another red flag, I thought.
I knew I was a contradiction, but maybe someday I would meet someone who would have open arms for me. With Voodoo, something just didn’t sit right and that was enough for me to know.
It was so weird how I kept getting involved with men where certain things were just deal breakers for me. There especially were a lot of deal breakers with Voodoo, hence why I still hadn’t taken the next step into commitment with him. I felt torn because there were moments I was shown that he was so capable of being masculine/attentive, especially in the way he held space for me. I had been feeling more safe to open up to him and be vulnerable with the feelings that were occurring. I noticed that even when I got triggered it was more feeling-based. I felt like I was tuning into the feelings and not so much projecting about things being a problem. It was more so as if I was having a really hard time loving myself. I was having a difficult time seeing my worth.
Out loud, I said, “I hate myself. I’m experiencing a perception of pain right now.”
Upon talking it out, he deleted his Instagram and said, “I’m not a 16 year old girl, I’m a 24 year old man. I don’t need to have that shit.”
I could see where he was trying, but energetically everything felt so off. It would’ve been healthier for me to just walk away from him altogether, because in truth, my heart didn’t feel in alignment. He was showing me where his mind was at and I didn’t feel I had the energy to help a man see it through my lens. It appeared he was doing and saying things just to ease my mind, but I knew if I wasn’t in his vicinity, his actions wouldn’t have changed.
Later, we talked about how hard it felt to apparently do the healthy relationship dynamic thing, especially when we both received some really fucked up role models, just in different ways.