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(X-rated) January 10-11 2024, Lake Ohau Lodge to East Ahuriri Hut:
Yesterday we had a zero day. Ben and Lenses drove to a spot to go fly fishing for a few hours while I hung out at the lodge and made a plant holder. The bartender was ignoring me the whole day and acting cold, figured his girlfriend was around. So I went with it and reflected the same energy back, not paying him much attention. It would’ve been a lot more fun being secretly dirty and flirtatious again, but I accepted it for what it was.
I felt a crush vibe off of Lenses and Ben when they arrived back, so I pulled her aside and asked her if she fancied him.
“I find him really cute,” she said.
“Oh my god! Can I tell him?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said, “but don’t tell him too much.”
I loved playing the love matchmaker! I would find a good time to tell him. For the meantime, I got cozy in bed while Lenses prepared her pack for the following day. I asked her to tell me more about her upbringing and the kind of things she was interested in as a kid. She spoke about her passion for figure skating, claiming how much she loved it. To this day she felt it was her biggest passion and joy in life, however she had to quit because her parents were getting threatened simply because their daughter was getting so good that she was quickly surpassing the other kids. Because of that, she was accused of cheating.
“There was never any cheating,” Lenses said, “I just loved it so much that I spent hours practicing every single day.”
She explained how her father was her biggest supporter in life and wanted her to do whatever made her happy, however this was the one thing he had told her to leave behind because her mother had spiraled down into a deep depression from getting heavily bullied. She wasn’t herself anymore and had been making comments about killing herself, so Lenses felt she had to stop for the sake of her mother.
One of the worst parts for her was when she told her coach she was quitting and one of the moms who had bullied her family the most had seen the interaction and approached them.
“Why are you quitting?!” the woman asked. “You’re so good, you should stay.” She was acting innocent, in complete denial of how cold and vicious she had been.
Lenses goes, “I wanted to say to her, ‘You! You are reason I quit!’ but I didn’t. I kept it to myself, but all these years I wish I had.”
The coach couldn’t believe she was leaving figure skating behind because he witnessed her potential and saw how hard she worked. It left me pondering on the way things panned out in this apparent life, the way experiences ebbed and flowed and how some were ripped out of our life in order for new ones to be made.
It was nearly midnight and we were getting sleepy. I accepted the fact I wasn’t going to get laid, so I got all cozy under the covers and closed my eyes. Just as I was getting into dream state, I heard a knock on the door. Assuming it was just a dream, I ignored it but then I heard the same knock again a few different times, a couple of minutes apart.
“Freyja,” Lenses whispered.
“Mm,” I moaned with my face muffled into the pillow.
Lenses woke up feeling anxious, saying she thought there was someone outside. “Did you maybe make plans with bartender?” she asked.
“No I didn’t, it’s probably for someone next door,” I said.
She opened the curtain and flashed her light outside. “Oh!” she gasped as a man ducked and shielded his eyes from the bright light. “Bartender,” she whispered.
“Fuck, goddamnit,” I said.
I knew this was my problem to fix. I grudgingly got out of bed, wearing only a shirt and my black panties. With sleepy eyes, I opened the balcony door. He apologized for waking us and for basically acting like a dick all day, explaining that his girlfriend was there and that he hoped I understood.
I closed the door behind me. “All good,” I said.
“I had to come see you,” he said.
“So you could fuck me before I leave?” I asked.
Due to the language barrier, he couldn’t understand what I said, but picked up on the sexual energy and tone I was putting out. He smirked slyly, then kissed me as he grabbed at my nearly bare ass. He led me about 10 feet over to a picnic table right beside someone else’s room and sat on the edge of it. He quickly unbuckled his belt, letting the leather contraption whip across my hands as I pulled his pants down ravenously. Happily in the presence of his bare cock again, I began to suck him off. He grew raging hard and I could tell he was about to bust.
Nope, I thought, not this again.
I stopped sucking even though I didn’t want to and waited for him to put a condom on that I didn’t want him to wear. He turned me around, bent me over the table and shoved his cock in.
I cried out as I pulled his hips closer into me.
“Fuck,” I moaned, bringing my left cheek down to the wooden table.
My eyes rolled back as I melted further into the table. Everything went quiet in my mind. Stillness. I savored the feeling of him pounding me, the way he pulled my hips in closer so he could ravish me forcefully. I didn’t want him to stop. He thrusted harder and harder until I could feel him cumming, groaning into my ear as he released himself. I hoped that the condom would stall him from cumming, but he still only lasted 20 seconds, if that. And, it would’ve been much better than a latex condom blocking off his seed, but I was happy that I at least got some.
I took a breath of relief, feeling a little bit more sustained. He was out of it, said “thank you,” then walked me to my room and kissed me goodnight, letting me know it was really nice to meet me. I really liked how we were both straight to the point and that he didn’t attempt to continue trying to hang out or talk to me.
My eyes still sleepy, I opened the balcony door, only being gone for a few minutes then crawled back up to my bunk and said, “Okay, take two.”
Lenses and I laughed.
“It was like horror movie seeing bartender standing there,” she said.
I laughed my ass off as I envisioned myself in an actual horror movie scenario and it probably would have played out exactly like that if it were in real life. I would’ve slept through the knocking and assumed it was somebody else’s problem.
The following morning we left the lodge and began walking up the valley. Lenses kept asking questions about my personality, curious as to how I went from one person to another. We were so different from each other that it naturally made her want to know more. It felt as if I was toying with her alter ego.
I showed her some pictures of the lovers I had and felt so joyous to share and talk about each one.
“You seem happy again,” she said, “you seem you can be yourself. I can tell and can feel through the way you smile.” She looked closely at each photo, witnessing the way I shared a special space with each individual man. “The guys you have been with reflect the same smile to you,” she said, “you both smile like children. Full smiles. This is part of you. This makes up big part of who you are.”
It was true. I did feel like myself again and I think it was challenging for me to have Orange witness that first hand. On the PCT, he knew me when I didn’t really know myself, at a time where I was hiding a big part of my personality. I was very mellow and only showed him the childlike version, yet expertly hid the parts of myself that were ravenous for virile cock. At that time, I was only beginning to accept such a thing about myself which was incredibly challenging, let alone to let another person witness that. I guess, truth be told, I felt embarrassed of what Orange might think of me.
And now when I had been on the TA with him, I felt I really had to tone myself down. I felt I couldn’t make too much eye contact or hold his hand or rest my head on his shoulder without it being made into a big thing or have him make a story up about it. I didn’t want to play mind games with him because I genuinely liked him as a person and felt I respected him, but in the end I realized I was playing the biggest game of all which was being inauthentic to him and to myself. I had to forgive myself for that because I was where I was. I was still learning how to apply the traits I wanted in my personality, such as honesty and healthy communication.
In my heart I knew my intentions were good. I also didn’t think it was mature nor polite to point out every hot guy that walked by, sexualizing them as I talked about all the dirty things I wanted to do to them. I wouldn’t want to be around a person like myself, either. Someone who was highly lustful and couldn’t seem to control their sexual impulses, and so I think I felt embarrassed. I felt shame for not being able to meet my own standards of what kind of people I wanted to surround myself with. It had nothing to do with him, but the hidden guilt I felt within myself that was now being revealed.
“You were very good girl when you were with Orange,” Lenses said, “I didn’t know you were such bad girl.”
“Yeah,” I said, “that’s another reason I wish he didn’t like me, because I know I’m no good for him.”
We trekked on and saw bundles of dragonflies, some even 69ing. We climbed up the hill and were now fully exposed, the wind hitting us so fiercely that we found it hard to keep balance. We ended up toppling over multiple times. All I could do was scream.
We sat down to eat some sandwiches and, assuming we were safe from the wind, we continued talking, when suddenly it nearly blew us over the ridge!
At the top of my lungs I screamed, “AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH!” then casually continued the conversation we were having.
“Oh my god, Freyja. You scare me,” Lenses said, thrown off guard at my random shrieks in between sentences. “You so funny. You scared of wind and spiders and you scare all the boys around you. You so funny.”
She was so fascinated by the new person I was revealing to her, asking question after question about my romantic flings. I found it adorable because in my mind I was just a girl who liked to have a lot of sex with different kinds of men.
“Your life is like a movie and I want to capture it,” she said.
What would happen if I dropped being the actress? I thought to myself.
We continued up the saddle and just over it we met a very godly looking man who looked like a male model for Abercrombie. I couldn’t believe he was even a hiker, more convinced he had to be in some sort of fuckboy magazine. Lenses and I both turned into ditsy girls around him, messing up our sentences and smiling profusely.
“Can I take pi-picture of you?” she asked.
Thank God one of us asked, I thought to myself.
Some guys were just so striking hot that I couldn’t talk. Instead I went quiet and stared at him like it was my first time seeing a boy I fancied. Lenses was surprised how I went from being so loud to completely silent in a matter of seconds.
“That’s how you know I’m really attracted to someone,” I said.
We got off the trail a couple hundred feet to an abandoned hut we decided to stay in for the night. It was very old and the beds were inverted but comfortable. I guess it wasn’t that abandoned because people had recently left emergency food and equipment there for hikers.
I made myself pasta with the best butter I had ever had—garlic and parsley infused. While eating, I showed Lenses a picture of the hot hiker we had just met on the saddle and she studied the photo in great detail. I’m not going to lie, I did, too.
“He is like sculpture,” she said.
“Yeah,” I said.
She observed all of his facial features and whispered, “His profile is so beautiful. He is most handsome man on TA.”
“Godly,” I added.
“Very moist,” she said.
“You mean like moisturized skin?”
“Ah, yes. Very moist.”
I put the photo aside because we started getting too involved in a person we would never see again. I hopped up in the bunk and laid down on my stomach with my head resting on top of my hands. I looked up at Lenses who was perched up in another bunk making herself some noodles. She smiled back.
“Relaxed Freyja,” she said. “Mm, is good. Good fo you. I never seen you like dis.”
“I feel very good right now,” I said as I let out a deep belly laugh and my eyes grew wet with joy.
She pointed out how my entire demeanor changed overnight—my body language, expression and overall energy. She went on to say how she felt maybe Orange Man developed feelings for me because I was such a good girl on trail. I wasn’t truly being myself, so in turn he fell for that girl and not the one I really was. He fell for a different woman.
“Maybe if you were natural with him you guys would be able to be friends.”
“I don’t know,” I said, not wanting to play the ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’ game.
I felt the damage was done and that the chapter had closed.