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June 17-18, 2016:
Last night at Cinderland, I met these two new girls named Violet Ray and Desert Sun who were so sweet. Today, we went out and shared some deep conversations. Desert Sun went fishing while Violet and I bonded immediately in the back of her pickup truck. She laid out a tapestry and formed a crystal grid. I felt like I was talking to a future version of myself. I was so drawn to her. She was so intelligent and had so much knowledge about the topics I was only beginning to learn. Violet had been on the planet for 29 years. She knew a lot about zodiac signs. I still didn’t resonate with zodiac signs because I felt it was very generalized. I just didn’t believe that my personality would be confined to a daily horoscope. Plus, I didn’t sound much like a cancer. Cancers were moody and sensitive. That sounded like me when I was 15, but not anymore. Still, I reminded myself to stay open minded because I couldn’t get defensive about something I knew nothing about. I mean, I could, but it was only draining my own energy.
Violet taught me about hot to determine when someone was projecting their energy onto me versus when I was projecting my energy onto them. She talked about her mother. She said she had to learn how to truly forgive her mother because her mom was jealous of her. She said she had a feeling it was because she was young and doing all the things her mother wasn’t courageous enough to do at her age. I felt the same exact thing with my own mom. Violet told me it would get better with age and how she was able to come from a place of compassion when she looked at her mom as a best friend rather than just her mom.
I noticed I talked about my mom often. She was on my mind a lot. I knew it was because I was still working through some hurt, but that conversation helped me immensely. I love my mom.
A few minutes later, Desert Sun came back and said, “I just caught the most beautiful fish!”
Violet, a vegan, asked, “What if it didn’t want to be caught? It hurts it.”
“Probably,” Desert said, “but it’s just like a piercing.”
“It didn’t want to be pierced,” Violet defended, “it’s painful.”
“We all experience pain,” Desert said, “it’s a part of living on this planet. For all you know, that fish needed to experience that in order to grow and become stronger. I made it smarter for next time.”
I really enjoyed pondering that perspective.
Violet also gave me another viewpoint. We were talking about how awesome it was to be living out the human experience. I agreed and she said it was all about having fun.
“That’s why I’m not strict with myself when I want to drink or indulge in a cupcake,” she says, “I have my five senses for a reason, so I’m going to take this awesome opportunity being a human to fully experience myself. It truly is all about living life-heartedly. I’m grateful for receiving another reminder not to take this vegan stuff so seriously.”
I was super thankful to meet those two girls. I loved living in a place where girls helped one another grow. Chelsea told me I was really brave for being able to move in a completely different direction than my own family. She told me I was “going places.”
I also spoke to Vadim yesterday. I realized I had some subconscious thoughts about David.
I said, “I realized I was expecting him to be thinking about me and I wanted to leave things off how they were.”
Then Vadim says, “So, let me get this straight, just so I know I’m on the right page. You feel you wanted to have that same spark with him when you first met. You wanted to come back here and hope to have fun with the same person?” He slowed down his speech and took a long pause which was my cue to tune in and listen. He continued, “You have to understand that people change. You change. You’re only hurting yourself by holding expectations. You made these expectations, only you. And now that it’s not unfolding the way that you want it to you’re under the assumption that something is wrong, but nothing is wrong. People just change. It’s like when you were a child and people kept coming to you saying, ‘My, look at how much you’ve grown!’ You, yourself, didn’t notice, but other people did. That stuff happens all the time, love. Don’t grow attached to it. Everything is all good.”
Thank you, Vadim.