I am recognizing that the Universe is simply a projection of my thoughts, words and actions. It is a reflection of what I think, say and do. I am continuously making my own reality, so I should choose wisely.
I went to Sirius coffee and ran into a Russian guy named Dominik. We had a conversation about relationships and how men and women thought differently. As soon as I released delusional fear, Dominik manifested into my life to share new knowledge with me. I told him about Ivan not being vegan and how it bothered me. Dominik taught me about support and explained how men needed support from their woman in order to feel stable. If I constantly tried to change him, he wouldn’t feel supported, therefore he wouldn’t feel loved. Then, he taught me something very important. I explained how the other day Ivan told me he wasn’t used to being smothered because as a child he was never smothered, so sometimes it got overwhelming.
Dominik smiled and said, “You know that feeling that you get whenever you want to just hold him and kiss him forever and tell him you love him 1,000 times? Instead of actually doing that, meditate on that feeling inside. Sit with that overwhelming feeling of love. Breathe into the gratitude because if you constantly smother him every time you get that feeling, it begins to lose meaning. Show him you love him in different ways. When you meditate on that feeling instead, your love is going to feel as if it’s overflowing.”
I had the BEST acid trip of my life. Everyone wanted to see the meteor shower. We were chilling in the zen den and it was around 7pm. People were playing guitar, singing, engaging in conscious conversations. We ate some jackfruit and just vibed.
Ivan reminded me that we had some acid and I said, “Hell yeah, let’s trip tonight.”
So about an hour later, we felt a few waves and I just intuitively felt that it was about to be an AWESOME trip. We decided it would be a great idea to walk to the lighthouse and watch the meteor shower. We excitedly went up to our loft so we could begin packing. We plopped down onto the bed and melted into each other’s presence. We both could not stop smiling. All of a sudden, we started laughing for no reason at all. I felt like my nine year old self playing with another child. We were making funny noises and tickling each other. We were laughing hysterically about a story he told me a few days ago when he took a trip to Hilo to go snorkeling and how he saw puffer fish. I started laughing because I was visualizing how the fish puffed up.
I brought it up in the beginning of our acid trip and said, “Just picture it going POOF *motioning the expansion with my hands*.”
He corrects, “No no no. It’s more like FWOOP *motions a bigger expansion with his hands*.”
Then, we laughed at how much we were laughing and the way we were laughing. I kid you not, it was the biggest laugh attack I have ever experienced. It was uncontrollable.
People were in the background playing beautiful music and we all began singing “Comfortably Numb” and I felt at home. That was all I felt. A sense of home. It was so similar to the vibe of my favorite childhood memories that were created in my old house. Home truly was not a place. It was a feeling. 100% a feeling, that of love.
What was interesting though was that I could not make eye contact with Ivan. Actually, I could and I wanted to, but I sensed he wasn’t comfortable. Every time we locked eyes, it was DEEP. I felt I got taken away to another galaxy and it was intense.
We laughed at the fact that we kept saying we needed to pack up to go to the lighthouse and would just end up plopping back onto the bed. Everyone in zen den was making fun of us for laughing so much.
Leaf goes, “They are most definitely on some sort of substance.”
“They don’t understand,” Ivan whispered to me. “We can’t help the laughter.”
I made jokes about how it actually felt as if we were dry heaving laughter.
I joked, “Just picture someone over a toilet seat puking out laughter like HA HA HA!”
Eventually, Daniel kicked everyone out of zen den. It was late at night and he was lying in his bed trying to fall asleep but no one was budging.
Then, all we could hear was his sweet voice attempting to be serious as he commanded, “Alright, it’s time for everyone to leave zen den. Don’t make me pull my sword out!”
Once again, Ivan and I lost it in laughter.
At another point in time, something ran across the tarp and Crow gasped, “Did you hear that?!” A few seconds later, she looked at Leaf and whispered, “Do you believe in witches?”
And I’m over here thinking to myself, I’m tripping dicks… Do not tell me that there are witches running around.
Ivan and I laughed some more because we thought about Daniel and how we felt bad for him because we kept him up with our laughter but genuinely could not stop.
Eventually, Ivan went downstairs to smoke some weed with him and even then we started laughing again for no goddamn reason. Just laughing all across the room. I looked down from the loft at Ivan putting his head in his hand while the other hand held a joint. I could feel his struggle to stop the laugh attack from coming, tears building in his eyes.
I quickly got distracted by watching the simplicity of a candle burn. It was magical to realize how conscious everything was. Every little thing was LIFE. It was incredible.
When he came back up to the loft, we cuddled and then began kissing. It was the most beautiful thing because the laughter led to kissing and I felt that little girl and that little boy exploring each other’s bodies. I felt so playful and so new. I felt like we both didn’t know what sex was, but we were heading in that direction of something very powerful. Our bodies, our souls knew the direction. It was childlike. My soul was overflowing with love, overflowing with abundance. And so we kept moving with the waves of energy. I was not in my body. I was elsewhere. We made sweet, passionate love and I was so grateful that he did not choke/slap me. It was innocent and pure. I loved how we were breathing, how we were moving, how we were discovering. Then, we lay there breathing.
He whispers, “I love you so much.”
We made a fort and went under the blanket, making it into a soundproof force field. The most beautiful part was seeing Ivan so high off life and laughter. I appreciated that he was sharing such a magical presence with me.
It was so easy when I remembered who I was—just a ball of Love. Gratitude.
Another beautiful moment we shared was when we were breathing together. He had a few moments where I could tell he was having a bad trip and I told him to breathe with me. We were in sync, taking deep breaths, and then he was able to let go.
I was watching the small candle flicker, holding lavender essential oils in my hand and Ivan asks, “What are you doing?”
“Making a potion,” I said.
I let him smell each essential oil before adding it to the hot pool of candle wax and then we both erupted with laughter again. For some reason it was absolutely hysterical. Each scent brought us back to a memory and we both experienced the passage of time. We experienced watching our life as a big picture and saw the way everything unraveled and how perfect the Universe was. So simple but so complex. And then we kept accidentally dropping things and it was so loud.
I whispered, “Daniel’s gonna be so mad tomorrow.”
“All he heard all night was giggles, sex moans and things dropping,” Ivan joked.
Then, we had the idea of throwing Daniel a love bomb! So I started making a little energetic ball, vibrating and shaking, building up the energy into a large expansion of love. Just as I was about to make a huge bomb explosion sound, Ivan decided to make one for me, and it was the most silent, high pitched noise!
ERUPTION OF LAUGHTER. It was priceless.
Then there was a sweet moment where I was looking at the depth of us holding hands. At that moment, I let go of anything I was attached to in my life. I realized nothing lasts forever—only Truth. Only Love.
We began kissing again, exploring something familiar. I had an orgasm so quickly. I was seeing colors I’ve never seen before. I was seeing sacred geometry and patterns.
I was experiencing different parts of the Universe and I whispered to him, “I’m about to come.”
It felt as though the orgasm was getting pulled out into the Universe, as if the cosmos were receiving the love I was giving. Ivan tried to shut my moan out using his hand because it was so loud, but it just slipped through his fingers. I had a huge smile glued to my face. I didn’t know where I was, I just knew it was not of this world. I loved every second of it. I loved him.
And then we held each other some more. I asked if I could do some crystal healing on him, and he lit some more candles. I moved intuitively as I placed the crystals where I felt they needed to go and then covered him up with peppermint essential oil. I accidentally gave him rosemary, thinking it was peppermint.
He smelled it and said, “This isn’t peppermint.”
I read the label and said, “You’re right, it’s not.”
And then one of the best things happened. He asked if I wanted to walk to the lighthouse to watch the sunrise from up there. Without a doubt, I said yes!
So, I put on my sweatpants and a sweater. Ivan put on a sarong, my flip-flops and a rain jacket. We began walking the red road and looked up to see a giant black cloud hovering over us. Still high out of our minds, we spoke of its beauty.
Ivan goes, “Thank God the rain passed away. We left at the perfect timing.”
We almost make it to the lighthouse and it starts to pour rain, so he places the sarong under his jacket, making it look like he was only wearing a rain jacket and nothing else. I took my sweater off because it was soaked anyways. I figured the rain would pass soon, it should only be 10 minutes max.
We decided to turn around because by then it would stop raining. And dude. EVERY time I looked at Ivan, I would burst out laughing because the image of him was priceless. He was soaking wet, wearing a rain jacket, the top half of him was completely dry, but the bottom half was soaked. His feet were too big for my shoes, and it was as though the Universe was showering him, but only his bottom half. I kept grabbing his balls because they were all shriveled up. And the rain DID NOT STOP. Not even for a little bit. I, on the other hand, had my bottom half covered but my top half exposed.
We got back to the red road and cars passed by us. We must have looked absolutely ridiculous. There was one car that passed us and hit a puddle and COMPLETELY soaked us. Ivan’s face was priceless because he just kept on walking as if it never happened.
I couldn’t have been any more pleased with the Universe. I was honestly having the time of my life and didn’t want my day to have unfolded any other way. It was definitely a trip. It was perfect. It was a huge reminder to look at things as a child and to remember that we were all children of Love.