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I got back on the CDT and within a couple of days, BD had a change of mind about us. Over a phone call he explained, “Everything reminds me of you. All the signs are pointing toward you. Whether I see a pile of pinecones or the bright green moss on a tree. I even saw an “anti-surface shitter” sticker in town. I like you so much that I seem to disregard your poor LNT standards.”

He said it only took him one day to realize how he didn’t have it all figured out with me. My heart sunk as his words penetrated me, “I can’t let you go. I just have to have you. Goda, I’m madly in love with you. I need you. I will never love again after knowing you… after knowing how good it could be.” He paused and slowly continued, “I don’t know how, but I really want to make this work and I am more than willing. You’re worth way more than a plane ticket so however many I need to get to you, I’m there.”

I closed my eyes and took a breath, “I believe in magic and I believe that’s why I met you. I knew you existed. I could feel you even though we didn’t cross paths yet.” And then I sighed, “I really want to try this, but I haven’t done this in a while. There’s so many things I’m not willing to tolerate.” I let him know I required more communication during the couple of months we planned to be apart. He seemed very receptive to my needs. He reassured me I didn’t have to be afraid of getting hurt and that I could relax into him. He promised I would be the only woman in his life and asked if he could officially call me his.

I experienced hesitation, yet still found myself saying yes. His charming words swayed me, yet I’ve heard it all before. I saw the pattern I held with men. They seemed to fall in love with me very easily. To be more precise, they seemed to fall in love with the free, spiritual, adventurous, sexual version of me.

Most of the time, when people claim they want to date me, I feel they assume I’m polyamorous and that I just need endless sex to be happy. It seems I throw people off guard when they find out that I go through long phases without sexual activity, that I have specific boundaries in relationships and that I require lots of solitude time. I also live a life that most claim they would like to experience, but most wouldn’t drop everything to go on a lifetime adventure with me. And so I roam…