February 13 2024, Stewart Island NWC Track Day 6, Big Hellfire Hut to Freshwater Hut:
Today we saw a kiwi on our way down to Mason Bay Beach! I couldn’t believe it. It was my childhood dream to see one. There was a book I read as a child that wrote about them and how they could be found on Stewart Island. They were my favorite birds for a while because they looked like big balls of fluffiness. I also found it cool that they didn’t fly. I must say I was pretty surprised to find how small they were for they were often portrayed as quite big.
During my walk, a dragonfly kissed my right eyeball and flew away. Then, we came onto the beach which was where I began to panic. The waves were choppy, vicious and moving inland further and quicker. Orange felt called to take his time walking along the shoreline since it held a special place in his heart. I had the opposite reaction and preferred to speed it up.
Up ahead there was a short bend we had to get around, but it didn’t look too promising to maneuver. It was clear the tide was high and the cliff itself was too dangerous to climb over. I was mentally preparing myself the whole time we were approaching it. It reminded me a lot of a certain section on the Lost Coast trail, so although I was hesitant, I knew it was doable.
Suddenly, a wave came up on me quickly, hitting me all the way up to my butt and I full on pissed myself. I was petrified.
Over the wind, Orange yelled, “We’re gonna run around the corner when the waves pull back!“
I waited for the right time then started sprinting when suddenly Orange stopped me and said, “Goldie, I was just kidding! But good onya for having the balls to do that!”
“What do you mean you’re kidding?” I asked.
“I mean I’m nawt bein’ serious,” he said, “there’s no way we can cross that safely. I’m respawnsible for ya, we’re gonna hafta take the high route!”
“I’m confused as to why you would joke about that,” I said.
I had mentioned several times that I didn’t pick up on jokes or sarcasm very well. I often had to look at people’s reactions to see if it was supposed to be funny or not and then I would base my reaction off that.
“Well why would you have us walk all the way over here just to make us turn around?” I asked.
“I didn’t think ya would actually do it,” he said, “I had no idea you had such dedication.”
“Well yeah, I told you I had to do this before on the LCT. Why did we even come here if you saw I was getting freaked out by the water and you knew it wasn’t passable?”
“It was hard to see from a distance. I’m sorry, I thought it would be funny. I was just kidding.”
I felt an intensity arise as I thought back to all of the times people had said that phrase to me. Most of the time it was when insults were being disguised as jokes followed by, “I was just kidding.”
“Orange, I told you I don’t pick up on jokes like that. It’s just not funny to me. I perceive it as dishonesty,” I said.
My legs were shaking with adrenaline. The roaring sound of water was apparently making me feel uneasy. I started crying and said, “I just don’t feel comfortable right now. I’m terrified of water.”
Then, we backtracked and took the high route that went up and over the cliff, which ended up being loads of fun! We got hit by sand from how strong the wind was and climbed over extremely steep/sketchy surfaces where we could easily roll off the hill and into the valley, but it still felt way more comfortable to me than even the sight of water.
He felt so bad over what apparently happened. He apologized numerous times, expressing how he felt like a complete dick for making me cry and that it wasn’t his intention to scare me.
“Let me be clear—you didn’t ‘make me cry,’” I said, “it wasn’t like that. I was just genuinely afraid in that moment because water tends to be incredibly overwhelming for me. I also don’t like jokes like that, where I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not, especially if I ask you to be serious and you continue to keep ‘joking.’ It’s really hard for me to decipher.”
What a blessing it was that I could even express my feelings to Orange and have him take it like a man. He knew how to listen with an open heart and not take it personally, which was another gift since I didn’t seem to come across people like that much.
We laughed it off and I said, “Those are the moments that actually need to be captured on trail, such as me crying because the water touched me.”
“Yeah,” he said, “I wanted to capture a picture in that moment but didn’t know how you would take it.”
We thanked one another for being there for each other and for offering moral support when it felt it was needed. Even in those difficult moments, we knew how to make light of the situation by finding ways to laugh about it as we found our way back into a sense of playfulness and into each other. That was what true connection meant—guiding each other home—for in the en, we didn’t truly want to see each other in pain.
We yelled with the wind as we ran through the dunes, covering our eyes from the striking sand that we simultaneously choked on. We maneuvered between the tall grasses and found bugs on rocks that we said hello to. The whole adventure through the high route felt like an otherworldly experience.
We made it back down to the first hut, took a quick break and then started to walk inland to the next abode. I absolutely adored the section. It felt so rewarding after everything we went through to get there. The terrain felt doable—still muddy, but much more easy to navigate through. A tunnel of trees, completely bare other than at the top were it looked like a coverage of dense bush, making it seem dark and eerie which was one of my favorite vibes.
We walked along a boardwalk through the meadow marshes which I also became in love with.
“Mm,” I mumbled, “I feel like I am much more of a lake girl than an ocean girl. I look at these meadow marshes where the dragonflies come to hang out and it all feels so calming to me, probably because the grasses and the water are so still. It reminds me to be still—be still like a meadow marsh.”
Orange rolled his eyes at me playfully. He often thought the shit that came out of my mouth was weird and funny.
I tried to avoid the mud during the very last stretch since my shoes were finally getting dry, when suddenly I slipped and fell, accidentally kicking a wet splatter of mud directly underneath my ass cheeks making it look like I had explosive diarrhea.
Moments later, we arrived to the hut which was completely full, so Orange and I had to squeeze our beds together close. I didn’t feel like conversing with others much after I ate, so I knocked out in seconds, as per usual.
Today we saw a kiwi on our way down to Mason Bay Beach! I couldn’t believe it. It was my childhood dream to see one. There was a book I read as a child that wrote about them and how they could be found on Stewart Island. They were my favorite birds for a while because they looked like big balls of fluffiness. I also found it cool that they didn’t fly. I must say I was pretty surprised to find how small they were for they were often portrayed as quite big.
During my walk, a dragonfly kissed my right eyeball and flew away. Then, we came onto the beach which was where I began to panic. The waves were choppy, vicious and moving inland further and quicker. Orange felt called to take his time walking along the shoreline since it held a special place in his heart. I had the opposite reaction and preferred to speed it up.
Up ahead there was a short bend we had to get around, but it didn’t look too promising to maneuver. It was clear the tide was high and the cliff itself was too dangerous to climb over. I was mentally preparing myself the whole time we were approaching it. It reminded me a lot of a certain section on the Lost Coast trail, so although I was hesitant, I knew it was doable.
Suddenly, a wave came up on me quickly, hitting me all the way up to my butt and I full on pissed myself. I was petrified.
Over the wind, Orange yelled, “We’re gonna run around the corner when the waves pull back!“
I waited for the right time then started sprinting when suddenly Orange stopped me and said, “Goldie, I was just kidding! But good onya for having the balls to do that!”
“What do you mean you’re kidding?” I asked.
“I mean I’m nawt bein’ serious,” he said, “there’s no way we can cross that safely. I’m respawnsible for ya, we’re gonna hafta take the high route!”
“I’m confused as to why you would joke about that,” I said.
I had mentioned several times that I didn’t pick up on jokes or sarcasm very well. I often had to look at people’s reactions to see if it was supposed to be funny or not and then I would base my reaction off that.
“Well why would you have us walk all the way over here just to make us turn around?” I asked.
“I didn’t think ya would actually do it,” he said, “I had no idea you had such dedication.”
“Well yeah, I told you I had to do this before on the LCT. Why did we even come here if you saw I was getting freaked out by the water and you knew it wasn’t passable?”
“It was hard to see from a distance. I’m sorry, I thought it would be funny. I was just kidding.”
I felt an intensity arise as I thought back to all of the times people had said that phrase to me. Most of the time it was when insults were being disguised as jokes followed by, “I was just kidding.”
“Orange, I told you I don’t pick up on jokes like that. It’s just not funny to me. I perceive it as dishonesty,” I said.
My legs were shaking with adrenaline. The roaring sound of water was apparently making me feel uneasy. I started crying and said, “I just don’t feel comfortable right now. I’m terrified of water.”
Then, we backtracked and took the high route that went up and over the cliff, which ended up being loads of fun! We got hit by sand from how strong the wind was and climbed over extremely steep/sketchy surfaces where we could easily roll off the hill and into the valley, but it still felt way more comfortable to me than even the sight of water.
He felt so bad over what apparently happened. He apologized numerous times, expressing how he felt like a complete dick for making me cry and that it wasn’t his intention to scare me.
“Let me be clear—you didn’t ‘make me cry,’” I said, “it wasn’t like that. I was just genuinely afraid in that moment because water tends to be incredibly overwhelming for me. I also don’t like jokes like that, where I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not, especially if I ask you to be serious and you continue to keep ‘joking.’ It’s really hard for me to decipher.”
What a blessing it was that I could even express my feelings to Orange and have him take it like a man. He knew how to listen with an open heart and not take it personally, which was another gift since I didn’t seem to come across people like that much.
We laughed it off and I said, “Those are the moments that actually need to be captured on trail, such as me crying because the water touched me.”
“Yeah,” he said, “I wanted to capture a picture in that moment but didn’t know how you would take it.”
We thanked one another for being there for each other and for offering moral support when it felt it was needed. Even in those difficult moments, we knew how to make light of the situation by finding ways to laugh about it as we found our way back into a sense of playfulness and into each other. That was what true connection meant—guiding each other home—for in the en, we didn’t truly want to see each other in pain.
We yelled with the wind as we ran through the dunes, covering our eyes from the striking sand that we simultaneously choked on. We maneuvered between the tall grasses and found bugs on rocks that we said hello to. The whole adventure through the high route felt like an otherworldly experience.
We made it back down to the first hut, took a quick break and then started to walk inland to the next abode. I absolutely adored the section. It felt so rewarding after everything we went through to get there. The terrain felt doable—still muddy, but much more easy to navigate through. A tunnel of trees, completely bare other than at the top were it looked like a coverage of dense bush, making it seem dark and eerie which was one of my favorite vibes.
We walked along a boardwalk through the meadow marshes which I also became in love with.
“Mm,” I mumbled, “I feel like I am much more of a lake girl than an ocean girl. I look at these meadow marshes where the dragonflies come to hang out and it all feels so calming to me, probably because the grasses and the water are so still. It reminds me to be still—be still like a meadow marsh.”
Orange rolled his eyes at me playfully. He often thought the shit that came out of my mouth was weird and funny.
I tried to avoid the mud during the very last stretch since my shoes were finally getting dry, when suddenly I slipped and fell, accidentally kicking a wet splatter of mud directly underneath my ass cheeks making it look like I had explosive diarrhea.
Moments later, we arrived to the hut which was completely full, so Orange and I had to squeeze our beds together close. I didn’t feel like conversing with others much after I ate, so I knocked out in seconds, as per usual.