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September 13, 2021

(10 days later) I didn’t realize I was that traumatized up until the last several days. I noticed I’ve been extremely on edge towards men. To the point where I was getting strong flashbacks of his face hovering over me & feeling a sense of being trapped. I was hanging out with a close lover, feeling scared of his presence. I would find myself randomly breaking down in tears. I know it was completely irrational, but the feelings were coming up regardless. I do trust that everything happens for a reason & that I’m never given anything I can’t handle. It’s not even close to my first rodeo...

September 3, 2021 (Part 2)

This is a bit difficult to write but I almost got raped today. I am not trying to victimize, I am aware that I was very much a part of this. I talked often about how I wanted to roleplay such things & the Universe said yes to my desires, as it does. I want to be clear that when I fantasize about these scenarios that there still needs to be consent. There needs to be communication BEFORE getting into character. I was expecting a ride a couple of hours down the road. I just finished the OCT & planned to meet up with Bryce. About 10 minutes into the drive, the energy changed drastically & I...

September 3, 2021

~Growth on this trip~ Day 17 (Brookings to Cali Border): I officially completed the OCT!! 🎉🎊 Once we made it to the Cali border, we hitched in opposite directions. Quadz was heading north to go do the CT. I was heading south to meet up with Bryce to do the LCT. I made it to Trinidad & saw a cute guy at the forest preserve. I approached him & asked if he was from the area & if he could recommend a place for me to camp. He had an accent so I asked where he was from & turns out he was Lithuanian. We were both mind blown as that was both our first experience meeting another Lithuanian...

September 2, 2021

Day 16 (Secret Beach to Brookings): We made it to Brookings (only about 7 miles from the Cali border). We were going to slack-pack to the border but decided to get a room instead. We went to a mexican restaurant & I FaceTimed my mom because I needed her to ship out a shirt that I bought online. I told her it was from Poshmark & she grabbed a different package & I told her not to open it & she goes, “I’m going to open it.” She opened it & it was a crop top that said, “No alcohol for me, only drugs. Thanks.” My face turned so red. 😂 We went to get Ben & Jerry’s ice cream & microwaveable...

September 1, 2021

Day 15 (Gold Beach to Secret Beach): I love the vulnerability I experience when a man’s fingers are deep inside of me. I feel as though I am at his mercy. He has full control of me. I lose sense of trying to get my way… trying to tease him. I am no longer torturing his mind, he’s now torturing mine… uncontrollably begging & pleading for him to hand me back my sanity. (inspired by my morning with Quadz 🥰) Met a guy named Jesse who was parked on a gravel patch pull-out. He looked like he was looking for something on the ground so I asked if he lost something & he goes, “No, I’m just looking...

August 31, 2021

Day 14 (Humbug State Park to Gold Beach): Quadz & I got dropped off at Humbug State Park & I snapped a photo of him brushing his teeth in the parking lot. We laughed our asses off at the way other people must perceive us. Just prior to this we talked about how our family members are becoming millionaires, getting married, having kids & we are out here walking hundreds of miles for fun, living in the middle of the wilderness & smelling like sweat/dirt at the end of the day. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. We walked most of the day & took a small break at the Nesika Beach Market. We wanted...

August 30, 2021

Day 13 (Devil’s Kitchen to The Salty Dawg in Port Orford): Today’s beach walk brought up so much frustration in me. The sand was sloped & we walked a good 16 miles on it. I cannot describe the pain & difficulty of walking on nearly dry sand with a 40 pound pack. 😱 We got off the beach at the nearest exit to road walk instead. 10 miles later we met up at ‘The Salty Dawg’ & a lovely girl named Altaira approached me & asked if I was hiking the OCT. She told me her & her dad do trail work on the southern portion just for fun! She was in her 30’s & I found her to be such a badass. She had so...

August 29, 2021

Day 12 (Coos Bay to Devil’s Kitchen): Quadz caught up with me as I was eating my poppyseed muffins. We talked about how awesome it would be to get a burger. The next town was 15 miles away; we already walked around 10 miles & were feeling pau. A car started driving by & I jokingly stuck my thumb out to hitch a ride & they actually stopped so we said fuck it. 😂 They drove us approximately 4 miles to get to the beach. It wasn’t that much fun of a beach walk due to the strong winds & cold weather. Near the end of the day, a couple of cute boys saw me walking down HWY 101 & asked if I needed...

August 28, 2021

Day 11 (Umpqua Lighthouse State Park to Coos Bay): We woke up to a bunch of birds simultaneously shitting on our tent. Started my trek & called my mom. She told me it was unacceptable that I didn’t call her to let her know I was alive. 😂 I told her I was still walking to Cali & that I planned on exploring the redwoods afterwards. She goes, “& THEN you’re coming home??” It makes me smile so much because she finds it too hippy dippy to just say that she misses me. There were at least 20 dudes on their dirt-bikes the stopped near the shoreline. I walked right past them, smirked & waved...

August 27, 2021

Day 10 (Sand Dunes Rd to Umpqua Lighthouse State Park): Met a guy on the beach who stopped to ask me where I was hiking to. I told him California. We chit chatted for a bit & then I told him I was going to keep walking since I had 14+ miles of beach walking left. 10 seconds into my walk he yelled, “Hey! I did some thinking about what you’re doing right now & I just wanted to say you’re fucking crazy! Did you know you’re crazy?” 😂 He offered to buy me a drink once I got to the next town & I said, “I don’t really drink, but I’ll take a burger!” So we agreed that he would drink gin while I...

August 26, 2021

Day 9 (Neptune State Scenic Viewpoint to Sand Dunes Rd): I felt I was in Heaven today as I walked through the forest beside the coast… an experience of witnessing two different worlds merging together. 🌲🌊 I was road walking for at least 10 miles when this woman stopped in the middle of the HWY & asked if I was hiking the Oregon Coast & I said yeah & she said, “Get in the car!!” So I hopped in the backseat with my entire bag because we were in the middle of 101. I started laughing at the momentary panic of the situation & I go, “You are so sweet, but I don’t want to skip miles!” & she...

August 25, 2021

Day 8 (Subway in Waldport to Neptune State Scenic Viewpoint): Holly dropped me off at Subway & I started my trek. I stopped to journal for a few minutes by the beach & she came up behind me to surprise me & give me a kiss. What a sweetheart. I called Hope Johnson & talked to her for a while. Just feeling her presence over the phone immediately brought a sense of calmness into my being & I felt as though everything was okay. It is so easy to be honest with her & not bullshit about what is really going on in my mind. I strive to be that way with everyone. I could honestly just listen to her...

August 23-24, 2021

My friend Shenanigans picked Quadzilla & I up to join him for his adventure to Umpqua Hot Springs (one of my faves). We road-tripped through the windy forest roads & I couldn’t even recognize the area due to the forest fires. Pele taught me a lot about impermanence. She helped me understand how exploring the world is something to cherish because I never know when something will disappear. We went soaking for several hours & the entire time we talked about conspiracy theories. It’s so funny because every single time I go there I do the same exact thing & I freaking love it. 😂Afterwards,...

August 23, 2021

Here I was, soaking in the hot springs with a super beautiful man… his hands sensually massaging my body. I closed my eyes & thought to myself “is this all there is?” I’ve went through so many men in my life… this was a dream of mine since I was a girl… to receive this sort of pampered attention… & for a moment, only a split moment, I realized it was all meaningless. But that moment was enough & it was everything. The patterns end when there is awareness brought to them. The rest is just remnants playing out.

August 22, 2021

Overall, PCT days has been incredible. It felt so awesome & liberating to be with my tribe. Everyone is so unique & I hold each one so close to my heart. The hiking community reminds me so much of my community in Hawaii. It seems most everyone here comes with a story & brings it to the trail to “walk it off”. It is true beauty to watch the way a person changes before your eyes as they grow into a better version of themselves. I walked The Bridge of the Gods with Quadzilla before I got picked up by Paul. It is a ritual every time I visit this area. I reminisce the way it felt leaving...

August 21, 2021

I ran into my friend Prodigy & reconnected with him. I met him on the PCT in ‘19 & he did a shakedown for me (I was carrying around 15 pounds of pinecones 😅). He got me an AWESOME custom pee rag made by Kula Cloth with a picture of me when we first met. I got the signature Cascade Locks swirly ice cream cone with Ethan. I met a woman in line who didn’t believe in the covid narrative & we vibed hard. Ended up drinking White Claws for the day since someone brought some coolers full of it ALONG WITH Voodoo Doughnuts!!!! I was stoked. I got to have my favorite doughnut (maple bacon) which was...

August 20, 2021

I got a ride close to Portland from someone who knew me from Instagram. I hitched the rest of the way to get to Cascade Locks to celebrate PCT Days. I got a ride by 2 different construction guy workers who were painters. One was named Joe, the other Antonio. He talked to me about the cartel & the corruption in Mexico. I got to Cascade Locks & started to cry from happiness. The first thing I saw was a thru-hiker, followed by HUNDREDS more. I felt so at home & with my tribe. So far on the OCT, I only saw one thru-hiker so this felt like a gift. Then, I saw a super hott guy that reminded me...

August 19, 2021

Day 7 (Devil’s Punch Bowl to the Subway in Waldport): My friend Goose who I met on the CT momentarily joined me for some road walking. We starting making around about 7 minutes into seeing each other & he told me my kisses were too wet so I told him it probably wasn’t going to work out. We had some fruit compote crepes in Newport & parted ways. ❤️ There was a lot of beach walking today which I was super stoked about. I asked Spirit for a shower since it’s been 6 days. My friend Tiki set me up with a woman who offered me her open apartment to stay in for the night & take a shower. She had...

August 18, 2021

Day 6 (Lincoln City to Devil’s Punch Bowl): I got breakfast with the biker guys. Jamie drove me to the coast to continue my trek. It was what felt like a never ending road walk today. Beautiful & gentle elevation gains but man, it is hard on your feet compared to soft dirt. I let out a scream/groan a couple times which released some tension. I ended up stopping at a market to buy a tub of ice cream so I ate that as I walked HWY 101. I felt like a badass. I saw a street called “Tillicum”. That made me smile for quite some time. I also have been seeing way more trail markers! A few people...

August 17, 2021

Day 5 (Sand Lake Recreation Area to Lincoln City) This morning I had a road walk detour. As I was walking, I experienced sadness. No particular reason whatsoever. Nothing in the world justifies the way I feel, it is simply because I momentarily feel I have separated myself from the Creator (which of course isn’t true, it’s only a misperception). The feelings pass by with a lot more ease when I just give them space to, rather than going into story mode (which distracts me from being present). People in Oregon are one of the kindest people I have ever met. People just walk up to me & ask if...

August 16, 2021

Day 4 (Manhattan Beach to Sand Lake Recreation Area): I found a lay in a free box during my road walk. I will wear it till the end of my trek. 🌸 I had to cross Tillamook Bay with a Ferry (which apparently was non-existent). So the alternate route was a road walk. I’m so cute because I always assume I’ll be able to cross it if the “tide is low”. It appears so small on the map & then I see it in person & I’m like holy fuck no. I merged onto the Octopus Tree Trail momentarily which I adored! The trail itself felt like a tentacle; groovy & windy. 🐙 I was supposed to do the Cape Meares Trail,...

August 15, 2021

Day 3 (Cannon Beach to Manhattan Beach): Matt made me some bacon & eggs with toast to get me started for my trek this morning. So far this trail is has been at the top with the PCT for me. It’s funny because I’m not into water much at all. I’m more of a mystical forest kinda gal, but somehow the Oregon Coast has my heart. It has it all: forest, ocean, endless roads. I have never seen anything like it. The way that the ocean meets the clouds, it’s as though it is merging with Heaven. The clouds would even form what looked like waves making it seem as though I was walking through a surreal...

August 14, 2021

Sunset Beach to Cannon Beach Today, I was convinced this trail didn’t exist due to its lack of trail markers. But as soon as I noticed that, I saw one! It’s not that popular of a trail yet. I am often looking at my map & asking people for directions. So far, everyone has been super helpful! As long as you’re kind of close to the coast, you’re on the right track. 😂 It has been pretty rainy/misty, similar to Washington. I was at Ecola State Park & decided it would be a good idea to start looking for a campsite since the rain started to pick up. A man walking in front of me seemed...

August 13, 2021

Fort Stevens to Sunset BeachNever underestimate walking on sand. The first 2 miles I was all “I got this”, & around mile 4 it turned into “Holy fuck I need to take a break every 20 minutes”. Views have been incredible, people have been kind. This is a completely different landscape from what I have experienced compared to past hikes. It is not that popular of a trail yet, so there isn’t an actual map on an app where I can look up water sources & campsites. It’s more of an “if you’re near the coast, you’re going the right way” kinda deal. I actually really enjoy not knowing where...

August 12, 2021

Paul lured me in with steaks & mac n cheese to get me to spend another night. He knows a hiker’s weakness. 😂 I started my moon & he has been taking care of me with cookies, pastries, ice cream, you name it. He donated me his bear canister & a bunch of mountain houses for my upcoming hikes. 😱 The amount of gratitude I have for this man is off the charts! I took an hour in the middle of the day to call a lover. I laid on my back in the middle of a sidewalk, staring up at the trees & listened to his voice merged with the rush of cars in the background. I felt so at peace & giddy with...

August 11, 2021

I got dropped off by Mushroom Man & began hitching to Portland. There were a few cars that stopped to give me a ride, but I made a pact with myself to deny offers if the energy felt weird. About 3-4 cars stopped & within a second of opening the car door I knew it wasn’t meant for me. People often ask me how I know if the energy is off. For me, it is something I experience in less than a second. An instinct. A moment when we lock eyes & I just know. I thanked each one & let them know I’d prefer to keep waiting. I stood a moment longer in the heat of the day & thanked Spirit for providing...

August 10, 2021 (Part 2)

I set a thought out into the Universe before I left Chicago about how all I wanted to do was runaway & hitch to Nevada City just to go to Ecstatic Dance. Today, my vision came true. Mushroom Man (my friend from the Big Island) messaged me & asked if I wanted to meet up with him in Nevada City to go to E-Dance (only a two hour hitch away). I was speechless. It is amazing how Spirit always has Divine Timing. I mean, it was a Tuesday… 😂 E-Dance saved my life many times. It has helped me let go of burdens & weights I’ve held in my heart. It has brought me to break walls & blockages that I...

August 10, 2021

I got a hitch to Grass Valley by a guy named Brian (looked like an exact replica of Jason Bateman). He bought me my favorite coffee from Dutch Bros; actually it was a tie between @whitesheepop. He invited me to his place to cook me some turkey burgers; might just go. 😋 I got dropped off at BriarPatch Co-op which has huge sentimental meaning to me. This guy brought me here a few years back & had me try one of their vegan burgers. We were road tripping in a U-Haul together & he was the one that got me super into shibari. The next time I came here was with a guy I was trimming weed with in...